HotRodLibrarian

This weeks reading...

2012-01-09T13:05:00.003+11:00

This weeks reading...

2012-01-09T13:05:00.002+11:00

Happy National Year of Reading!

2012-01-02T10:23:00.004+11:00

Sorry it's a day late, but I started the year off grumpy... (but reading!!)

This weeks reading...

Batty but Wishful...

2011-12-31T10:28:00.000+11:00

I just finished Wishful Drinking by one Ms Carrie Fisher, yes she of the Star Wars fame (come on... arn't you all over that by now??? but unfortunately no mention of her other great works e.g. The Blues Brothers, Charlies Angles, Jay and Silent Bob strike back and who could forget her best ever film Drop Dead Fred!!!

I don't know, I just loved her free flowing un pretentious totally honest ranty style of writing,and it also helps that she's completely batty...

I liked it so much I've used my last precious reserve (only 15... bah!) on her follow up Shockaholic.

Guess that makes him 43 3/4

2011-12-30T19:30:00.000+11:00

Found out this week that I just missed the 30th Anniversary of my favorite ever literary character one Mr. Adrian Mole...

Satans Claws...

2011-12-30T07:17:00.002+11:00

I don't know how many times as a parent I have had to eat my pre-procreation-smug-filled words, but here we go again...

Anyone who knows me would have heard my Santa Rants... I mean, the guy is creepy "come sit on my lap little girl and tell me what you want", "It's lying to your'e children" "He makes the poor kids think they've been bad" blah blah blah...

So how come Christmas eve I find myself not only eating my words but half a carrot at the front door and scoffing down the milk and cookies left out for the fat man (well I should get SOMETHING out of it) and getting all swept away with it the next morning? and how can my heart not melt when Little Miss tells me that of her whole Christmas/Birthday three day extravaganza getting up to see that Santa had been and "I didn't even hear him..."

I love being a cynical bitch, but I forgot how much innocence can be too!

Alli just can't get her groove back...

2011-12-27T17:37:00.005+11:00

Here's my list of new years resolutions from 12 months ago...

1. Meh

2.Yes - Yay!

3. Hmmm... well I did join a team sport so that does look good on paper (screen!)

4. Check

5. feelers are out there... more news to follow!

6. well that's kind of why I'm here, you see i've no excuse really... just can't seem to get my groove back!

Other achievements from the year include...

Actually putting myself out there to start Roller Derby Training - Yay me!
Producing my first (and second) Zine - Third is up there in the brain... ditto as above - just can't seem to get my groove back.
Survived probably the most intense job of my life working full time in a highly demanding role with two small children... just one minor hiccup/meltdown!!
I'm sure there's more... and once I do get said groove back I'm sure it will come to me!

New Favorite Librarian

2011-12-12T19:55:00.005+11:00

I've been meaning to upload this for ages, turns out one of my favorite VRDL Roller Derby stars is also a librarian!!! WooHoo... now if only I could find out what school Lucky day 24/7 works at and I'd know where to send Little Miss next year!!!

Tattoo me!

2011-12-12T19:50:00.000+11:00

Catching up on some important reading, I came across this article in my 5th favorite magazine (Frankie) about my favorite tattoo artist Miss Jane... hmmm me thinks its a sign I might need to call and make an appointment!!

Don't drink and blog...

2011-12-07T20:57:00.005+11:00

Howdy folks, Long time no see...

So here's the update... finished the full-time 'I'm the Boss and a superwoman and I can do it all' job that nearly killed me and caused one major meltdown (as well as a few minor ones) but I got through it and almost cried when I finished and one dashing (not so) young man hugged me and told me I was the best boss he ever had! It wasn't the full time that did it, it was the role itself and I am not ashamed to admit it, it was too much for me! So confirmed when the person who's role it actually is said to me "you know I was actually quite surprised when you applied for it given that I know how much of my work/life balance is made up of work (do I need to point out here that this person DOES NOT have 2 small children??) But I made it through even though it was touch and go there at one stage (see above: meltdown) but hey... three days of not being able to get out of bed and a rather convenient excuse with a flu already going around work and no-one was the wiser!

So here's what I learned from the experience...

-G has had some really crappy bosses in his time if I am the best he's ever had!

-I CAN work at that kind of level but I do not WANT to work at that level!

- I've had too much to drink tonight to think of anymore

Here's what happened next...

I went from being a Full-Time working mum to a Full-Time single mum which is making me question which are the more immature to deal with?

Seriously.

Anyways, for the past two years it has been talked about, and even when I follow through with someone else's idea I am still the bad guy! I decided that something needed to happen so I just made it happen so here I am. And in the words of the great Barbra Feldon (that's 99 folks), Living alone (all be it with two small children) and loving it! I've moved back to the Ol' home town in order for Little Miss to start school here next year. Everything's gone and turned upside down and not everyone is coming along for the ride but I am at the point where I really couldn't give a shit, I am looking after myself and my kiddies and if anyone else wants a part of that, well they better get proving it quick smart!! For the past, well I guess 6 1/2 years since I moved out maybe, I've missed that feeling I had when I lived on my own for the only time in my life in the funkiest little apartment in Nth Carlton that was ALL mine, well guess what folks, I am back in control and it feels soooooo good. The going back to full-time mum bit I will admit it VERY tough, but I'm getting through and biding my time until I get the balance back, it's all good... as is Wild Turkey Honey Liquor... nighty night!

2011-12-07T20:32:00.000+11:00

A review from a long time ago... thanks! issue #3 sometime soon...

2.5 weeks...

2011-10-23T09:06:00.003+11:00

I miss my blog... I found myself a little huffy the other day while planning Webolution 3 and the words "I don't think anyone is interested in blogs anymore" were uttered. Maybe not, but I'll hang on by the skin of my teeth just in case!

This last 6 months has been ridiculous in my life, I naively took on a job that, although not beyond my capabilities, was definatly way more stress than my life needs. I haven't had this many sleepless nights since the bookshop that shall not be named days. But then again at least I'm being paid a decent wage to handle the stress this time.

The temp role finished in 2.5 weeks (and counting), and look, it has been a very useful experience and I've learned a lot. Most significantly that;

a) although I can work at this level, I don't want to work at this level. and;

b) I'm too nice for this job! which has increased the stress levels big time by my not being able to just say "you're out of line" or "that's just not good enough" or "just get your shit together honey!"

I had bigger plans for my time in this role, and I thought I would be able to prove to myself that I was a stronger person than people saw me as, and that I wouldn't let people walk all over me. But then hey, If your dealing with a staff of over 80 and it's only 4 who are driving you crazy then maybe that's a pretty good ratio!

I still feel a little disappointed that It wasn't the experience i'd hoped for, but I'm sure I will be able to look back and say how great it was once I am able to step away from it all. I do like having my own office though!

So anyways, 2.5 weeks and I get to feel like me again. There will be some big changes afoot. and maybe a little bit of getting back to whats important in my life (like actually getting around to writing on my daggy old out of date blog!)

2011-09-20T09:47:00.000+10:00

Break in transmission...

2011-08-28T13:43:00.005+10:00

I finally give myself the space- both physically and mentally, to write, and I seem to have given myself the old 'block'. You see I don't want this to turn into a big winge fest about poor me... But that's the majority of my emotional state at the moment. The world, along with everybody in it, seems to be driving me crazy (and I'm not even pre-menstral!) There are lights at the end of my tunnel so to speak, but even those are going to mean a compromise of my principles as well as my pride. But I must stay focused, I need to keep my eye on that long term prize, do whats best for me and my family and get over the fact that I might have to let a few people down in that process. I feel there's been a bit of a break in transmission from feeling myself, time to get that back I think!

OK OK lets get on with it and focus on a few positives;

Bought myself some shiny new Red Roller Skates so I guess that means I'm pretty serious about running away with the Derby... that and I got a decent tax return which I need to get my fair share out of before the boy spends it all! I am beating myself up about not doing it sooner, but hey, better late and all that. Made some new friends already including a skunk haired* Drag King who likes to talk about her kidney transplant!

I am also getting myself back into reading at least a book a week, even if it does mean getting up at 6.30 am to fit it in! Last two books I read were pretty good; Norah Vincent's Self Made Man and Thirty something and the clock is ticking by Kasey Edwards which I would consider the most sensible book on motherhood I have ever read!

I also managed to escape for three fabulous hours all on my lonesome today... Imagine it... ALL alone! I even treated myself to a cheeky afternoon glass of wine... ohhh naughty!

Who knows... with all this getting back to me stuff going on, I might even manage to get out Realia #3 sometime in the near to medium future!

*hopefully my new drag king friend has seen Ladies and Gentlemen the fabulous Stains and therefore understands this is most definatly a majorly positive thing!

2011-08-23T10:34:00.004+10:00

Thing haven't been great of late. I'm working in a role which is way above my comfort zone. Its a good role and I thought I was ready for it, and i probably am if that is all I had to consider... but of course there is so much more to my life and things never run to plan... I mean who could have predicted the number of resignations we've had in the last few months, and how much extra pressure that puts on me, both because of the job I'm in and the kind of person I am. Ive been laying awake at night thinking about all the things i think i need to be doing... what i need to be doing is looking after myself and my kids... i miss them!!! I can't remember when I had this much stress job-wise going on, I've been pretty lucky in that respect for the past couple of years. All I can say is it is one hell of a learning experience!

exhilarated!!

2011-08-10T22:53:00.004+10:00

Tonight I went to my first "fresh meat" training with the Westside derby dolls! I've been umming and ahhing about it for so long wondering if I might have what it would take and guess what... I might! I did pretty good and had a blast! Mind you I was just training and learning a few moves, no scrimmaging for me... but still, I feel amazing! Maybe not so amazing tomorrow, but amazing none the less! I haven't done any serious skating in ages, but I can still skate pretty good, my fitness isn't nearly as bad as I expected, and I eve had a couple of, hey your pretty fast comments come my way! (Tis also amazing how much easier it is to skate in skates that actually fit, not 20 year old ones too sizes too small so guess what I'm doing with my tax return money this year!!)

So guess where I'm heading next Wednesday night then!...

But then there's always got to be a bottom to every high... I have a partner who is totally unsupportive and "thinks it's a stupid idea". For fucks sake, I feel like I'm living with someone who doesn't know me... How can I share my life with someone when I feel like they have no idea who I am? How can that be the recipe for a happy life? It seems the more cool stuff I do and the more I feel back to the old (pre-kids) me, the more depressed I feel about the whole situation... I just don't know how much more I can give?

OK this is now getting all a bit too down and heavy... Back to the derby... this weeks adventure; head down to Rebel sport for my own pads, helmet a and mouthguard...

And yes I have picked out my derby name and no I'm not telling until I register it so in the meantime, enjoy this link to some other library related derby names

Amy Amy Amy...

2011-07-31T09:08:00.007+10:00

Goodbye Beautiful, Unconventional, Misunderstood Soul Diva.

I hate to say it because I think your wonderful but you've made the best career move you ever could have. You'll now have the place in legend and history your music deserves...

To the latest member of the 27 club. (Sorry I'm a week late!)

Wet...

2011-07-30T17:21:00.002+10:00

I loved this book, I could not put it down, but I'm apprehensive to recommend this book to anyone at the library lest I'm accused of sexual harassment! Or of being a bit pervy, but well... It was great! The "makes the vagina monologues look tame" quote on the front kind of sums up what you can expect... head in if you dare!!!

Radar...

2011-07-17T09:06:00.007+10:00

Here's a few things that have been showing up on my (very tired) radar of late!

Earlier this year JA and I took an adventure to an Australian 70's musical legends house under the guise of picking up a DVD for the Sharpies night at the library... Somehow JA managed to steer the conversation, as she steer's all conversations, to the subject of Joan Jett... Said music legend had some stories to tell including one about this band whose lead singer was murdered and Joan Jett got involved with the rest of the band to raise money to hire a private investigator etc. We had never heard this story and were fascinated... here's a movie we've found since...

One of my most recent reads was Portia De Rossi's Unbearable Lightness. If I had to use one word it would be "Intense"! She's certianly not afraid to bear all about her struggles with eating disorders and I've found a new respect for her. Not that I didn't before, to be honest I didnt really feel anything much for her efore other than a, 'oh look, she's on the telly and she grew up in Geelong, thats pretty good' kind of thing...

But I Reading the book made me dig a little deeper and you know what, I think she's pretty great now. I also love that she's out and a whole new role model for gay women who really doesnt fit into the stereotype of what a lesbian should look like, dress like, or be.

So anyway all this looking lead me to Ellen of course and I realised I'd never actually seen the famed "coming out" episode of her sitcom... Here's the last part of it...

And yes it is very cheezy in bits, but also some genius moments too... Oprah as the theripist (apparently she got HEAPS of hate mail!), kd lang as the folk singer/waitress ("Good for you, I'm your waitress") and Melissa Ethridge and the toaster oven! Love it!!

I'd seen the Maysles documentary of Grey Gardens a few years ago and became a little fascinated with the story. I finally got to see the tellemovie biopic of it made last year with Drew Barrymore (who I love!). I was a little sceptical about it but I think they did a brilliant job. Drew nailed the voice and the ageing make up was done amazingly!

I've out this clip on which was an extra on the DVD, it shows some of the scenes from the original and the recreations... Enjoy!

And here's a book I've been meaning to write about for ages... The girl in the song a look at 50 classic pop songs and the muses behind them... and it's got Marianne on the cover!

You know I love a good prossie book, and although the Belle De Jour books might not be the best ones, well I love the TV show as a bit of light trash so of course was very happy to find this interview with Miss Billie and the 'Real' Belle De Jour, outed in the last few years...

This one was a little bit of a disappointment, I expected it to be juicier, but still some interesting stories...

And Last but not least... I have to mention Go the f*ck to sleep!

Here's former Play School host Noni reading it... enjoy!

Celebrities in Williamstown...

2011-06-19T20:16:00.001+10:00

Well I guess when the Banner says "you belong @ HBL" I don't really have much chance of getting a job anywhere else hey!?

Insecure...

2011-06-15T10:07:00.003+10:00

I'm feeling a bit flat at the mo... Started a new, Full Time, Full On role which I will be in for the next 5 months, It's good, or it will be when I get a handle on everything I need to know and don't need to ring up Library Jo every 5 seconds for little stupid things I should be able to figure out for myself if I wasn't feeling so overwhelmed by the whole world! Right now I have the desire to hid under the blankets until it all goes away!

The other thing I'm feeling a bit crap about is; I entered this Zine challenge thing where you had to make a zine in a week based around Eurovision. It was right when I started back full time and I really did make a crap awful Zine which I feel a bit embarrassed about now. I received the zine pack in the mail today, and all though I've only looked at 3 so far I am feeling like I should have put a lot more effort into it, and feel like all my ideas were VERY un-original and well, just a bit crap! Some of these Zines are FANTASTIC... pity I haven't got much reading time at the mo!

I'll get over it and myself soon enough...

Mummy Manners...

2011-06-13T07:26:00.010+10:00

I had higher expectations of this book... I used to love Elle McFeast and thought this would provide a bit of bitchy fun to get one through the fraught minefield that is the Mothers Group, Playground etiquette, Child's birthday parties and the like. But to be honest it gets a bit boring after the first 5 minutes. At first I liked the LCSH type subject headings but that too gets very boring and really just makes it look like she's trying to be too cleaver for her own good!

I just don't think it brings anything new to the table. And managed to piss me off... Inferring that a woman's greatest achievement will always be her kids, and that the other reason a woman would go back to work is financial. Goddess forbid she make like her own life, or her career may be also of importance, or daddy could stay home, or she may need to go out to work to keep her sane! And you can send your kids to childcare for reasons other than you have to go to work for financial reasons and NOT EVERYONE FEELS GUILTY ABOUT THAT! And maybe I'm just a bit tired and over sensitive and over analyzing what s supposed to be a comedy book!

More reviews...

2011-06-08T21:04:00.003+10:00

I've been such a bad blogger of late... Lucky others are writing about me! THANKS!

From Sticky's 'Sporadic Correspondence from the institute'

REALIA #2
HotRod Librarian
$1.50
www.hotrodlibrarian.blogspot.com
Loving the recycled book cover but i really feel the need to re-recycle it into art; maybe later once i have fully digested the information inside. Can fully understand where this one is coming from as i am writing this review while sat in a house being a housewife in the suburbs far enough from the city that i feel totally isolated. Like i said i really know where this one is coming from but all the swearing actually written down is pretty harsh. What strikes me about this writer is that she really really has plenty to say and its straight up to the point personal hard hitting honesty. She really wants to share her motherly wisdom to help the rest of us feel better about things. Certainly not sitting on the fence this hot rod librarian has got some things to say about bringing up children properly. I must say i agree with pretty much everything in the zine and anything that makes me laugh out loud is good news living out here in the suburbs. I'll definitely not cut up the cover to make more art works but i might follow the directions on how to make my own play dough!
-KESWICKLEMON

Looky here!

2011-05-31T10:54:00.002+10:00

Another Review!

P.S. issue #2 on childhood is done, trouble is I cant remember who I have and haven't posted it to yet!!! (FT work is killing the brain cells!) so if you get two, sorry, pass it on to someone! If you haven't got one in a week or so... tell me!
Love me.

2011-05-28T08:04:00.005+10:00

Seems almost everyones favourite part of my zines has been the cute rubber stamp of the girl reading the book...

Her name is Kosheshi and she's from Talk to the Sun on Etsy.

Tis the little things...

2011-05-23T07:30:00.003+10:00

I'm working full time at the moment... It's the first time in about 6 years and things are a little insane in my household to say the least, what with 2 kiddies, household renovations and the boy trying to get over his feelings of emasculation (is that even a word!) as I earn a (lot more) money than him and want him to go part time and take over the majority of the household chores. (this has been my dream for such a long time... it's part allergies to all kinds of domestic work and part revenge for the last 4 years!!!) I've just got to convince him it was his idea!!! (hey where would modern day relationships be without some form of subtle manipulation!) Not to mention how It's eating into my blogging time!

Anyways, I know it's maybe a little politically incorrect to say it, but I LOVE being back to full time, and now I've found out that I'm going to be doing it for another 5 months in a job I've been eyeing off since I started at the library so I'm feeling a bit smug and pleased with myself! It's hard and I'm exhausted but I've found a few ways to make it work;

Don't plan too much! My first weekend/Tuesday morning off I tried to cram sooo much in, bad move, was exhausted before I even got to work!

Get the kids to bed early! They are so exhausted from childcare anyways it's not too hard.

And/Or palming off the kids for a night/weekend... the trick is to show the G'ma's how this is more convenient for them as it saves them having to get up at 5.30am to be here fro babysitting days!

The Dishwasher! She has been in my life just shy of two months and I am in LOVE!

Fortnightly massages... oh this is bliss, I won't be able to continue it too much longer but it is getting my body back on track and giving me 1/2 hour of not having to think time!

Setting my alarm 20 mins early so I can sit in bed with my coffee and read instead of trying to do make up/get dressed/drive whilst scoffing it down (note to self: this only works on child free mornings!)

Other things that are making me happy at the moment include;

Packets of Zines coming in the mail that I'd forgotten I'd ordered!

Finishing Sticky's 168 challenge with minimal amount of stress!

Chatting to G online and realising that her idea of lovely spring weather in Edinburgh was the same temp as me winging about it becoming a cold winter here! I still miss Edinburgh though!

Meeting my newest little friend in a whirlwind of craziness... hope to get to know him in a calmer environment next time.

Naughty email chats to Best Friend C through work email... well she works in a library too, so it's work related!

Talking books in the car on the way to work!

2011-05-14T14:47:00.000+10:00

Look...
My first ever review!!

Put down that weapon and pick up the sticks

2011-05-10T10:42:00.000+10:00

I've been neglecting my knitting recently... What with all the zine making and working full time and all that but now the winter is settling in, peak knitting season is about to begin!

Here’s some instructions for my latest creation that is not actually finished and therefore I can’t actually testify for this as an actual workable pattern but I’d rather you just took a little inspiration and just made it up for yourself anyway...

Hotrodlibrarians super hot knitted tool belt thingi

1. Find yourself a knitting teacher and or good book and give it a go.

2. CO about, I don’t know, 20 stitches or so... I’m gonna felt this coz I love felting and coz it covers up any little mistakes nicely... but remember that felting shrinks things by nearly ½ so make it a fair bit bigger than you actually want it to be.

3. Keep King or K1 P1 if you want (I’m just knitting coz I want a bit of texture after the felting but thats just me) until it wraps around your waist almost 2 times.

4. Im finishing off my belt bit in a point by K2tog at the start and finish of every second line but you finish it off however you want to...

5. I’m now getting onto King about 5 or 6 pockets of varing sizes that I’m then going to stictch onto the belt maybe before I felt it or maybe I’ll just felt them all at the same time and stitch them on later, I haven’t decided yet.

6. Im then gonna cut a button hole in my pointy bit (yet another good thing about felting is that you can cut it and it (theoretically) can handle it.)

7. Then Im gonna sew some funky buttons on so that its kind of opposite to a regular belt where you’d have one button and lots of holes. I’m gonna put a few buttons on to cover for fluctuating weight/period bloating/crappy sewing skills that will probably see the buttons put in the wrong spot.

8. Wear with pride to stash all your Knit graffiti parafinalia/Roller skating tools/weapons of mass distruction.

Sticky Star!

2011-05-06T10:54:00.003+10:00

Tiny things and all that...

2011-05-03T22:00:00.003+10:00

Well they do say tiny things please tiny minds...

But I always get a laugh when you come across an unfortunate call number!!

The Book 2.0

2011-04-23T08:55:00.000+10:00

I finished my first zine, only 12 years after I first planned to do one! (I was going through some old journals the other day and found the plans for it!) I'm going to send it out next week to various friends and new contacts I've made... oh and I've already started on my next one too!

I've loved having a little creative project to work on, and I like seeing my writing in something more tangible (I really don't enjoy reading on the computer screen and find I tend to only scan over things that arn't in physical form.)

But I'm already feeling all insecure about it! I'll probably get criticised for calling another woman that I don't even know a Bitch. Forgive me for that... I should have said Bitchy Attitude!

I also wonder if it's going to be seen as too light and fluffy (Isn't that the whole point... that it can be whatever you want it to be?) I think I've just been reading too much theoretical, academic stuff about zines that makes me think that to produce a zine you have to be a Vegan/Queer/Trans/Radical/Political activist.

So who would want to read a zine made by someone with 2.5 kids, a respectable job and a house in the suburbs? I guess we'll find out!!

My first memory

2011-04-21T09:23:00.000+10:00

This is actually a picture of what I think is my first memory. So who knows if I really remember it or if it’s because of the picture that I remember it. But what I do remember of this chairlift ride is that I was scared I was going to drop my dolly so I asked my mum to hold her for me. This was on a trip that my family took to Surfers Paridise (I think) when I was about 4 (I think). Other memories from this trip include; the pool at the hotel had a seahorse mosaic thing at the bottom of it, We had a Mini-Moke hire car, and sliding down sand dunes in my undies with plastic charms on strings around mine and my brother’s necks (we also have photographs of all these things too so I’m pretty sure I’m just remembering the photo’s with those ones) But I defiantly remember the bit about not wanting to drop my dolly! (I think!!)

Magazines I can stand!

2011-04-17T23:34:00.007+10:00

Sometimes I feel like magazines are the enemy of the thinking woman, filling our lives with trash (not that that's always a bad thing!) and basically cheapening our lives in general. I used to be a bit of a magazine junkie, then all your who's and your NW's came out and I kind of swung the other way and wouldn't enter a newsagent if my life depended on it! But I am pleased to report in the last few years I have come across some magazines that I can stand... and a few recent articles that have tickled my fancy... I'm a regular subscriber to BUST: the magazine for women with something to get off their chest. Though I think they may be getting a little too slick and mainstream for their own good. They LOVE the DIY (as do I, in fact they may be responsible for my taking up knitting... just so you know who to blame!) and their latest 'food' issue contained this fab little project. Bitch Magazine has kind of stuck more to its feminist roots than BUST and I'm only a recent subscriber (though I used to always read it when I worked You-Know-Where!) LOVED this take on those ridiculous baby-nappy basket things... It kind of reminds me of one of my favourite episodes of Sex & the City called 'A woman's right to shoes' where Carrie is forced to remove her Manolo's at a friends party coz said friend doesn't want dirt coming into her house with her kids and blah blah, Carrie's shoes get nicked, friend refuses to pay for them, Carrie realises that she has bought that friend an Engagement present, Wedding present, Presents when each of the 3 kids were born, but what do singles get... a big fat nothin' Bring me a PMT cake over a baby thing anyday!! My newest favourite mag is Femme Fatal: Kustom Kulture for Dames. (when are you guys going to bring out another issue???) Being so out of the loop on stuff, I only came across it a couple of months ago, and immediately sent off for a copy and low and behold; The first issue contained an article on my lovely tattooist Jane! Issue #2 Had an article on Sharpies which is also definitely worth checking out too! For other magazines worth checking out I would say; Frankie, Milkshake and the Derby mag Hit and Miss. P.S. while were sort of on the subject... I just put the glue stick down from creating my first Zine (hey I did warn you a while back!) Now just got to sneakily use mum's photocopier over Easter (hope she's not reading!) Its doing that thing again where it wont let me put in line breaks... AAARRRGGGHHH

Zine serindipity...

2011-04-14T10:55:00.010+10:00

You know how I got that parcel of zines from Sticky Institute the other day, well there were two absolute stand out gems amongst it;

Which is kind of funny because I didn't even order these two, there was one they couldn't provide so they sent me these as a 'sorry' gift... serindipity hey!

Some other ones that were pretty heavy going but really got me thinking were;

My other two favourites just coz they were a bit cute;

Femi-nazi? Femi-nuffy more like it... AKA my history in feminism

2011-04-07T21:13:00.005+10:00

I identify as a feminist, but it’s such a loaded word, as I soon came to understand as a Naive first year student at a country university taking Women’s Studies because it sounded interesting.

I always heard that feminists were crazy women and they might get somewhere if they just figured out what they want as the media pitted one feminist against another with very different ideals and priorities. Of course I heard this from my bigoted, narrow minded father whose other such rants took on topics such as Aboriginal land rights, Greeks, left wing politicians, Homosexuals, Immigrants etc. Etc. You get the idea! Whose answer to any kind of further explanation was always “one day you’ll understand” which I only came to realise later meant he had no further debate and his whole perspective of the situation came from A Current affair/60 minutes. (But then again he also assumed that nobody likes Pumpkin soup and everyone likes country music and could never understand if he was ever challenged on these beliefs.)

Anyways I was going somewhere with this rant!

Ive always thought that chicks were great but thought you had to have some academic kind of qualification or have had some sort of radical initiation to be able call yourself a feminist. I remember enrolling in the Women’s studies subject and making some offhand comment to my then boyfriend along the lines of “Ha, wont my dad love it if I come home and tell him I’m a feminist... how would he cope with that first a gay son then a feminist daughter...” and then-boyfriend said “why don’t you already call yourself a feminist” which got me to thinking (turns out this boyfriend might have been useful for something after all now I think about it!).

Anyways back on the track... So in undertaking this course I discover that its not that simple... there’s your radical feminist, your Marxist feminists, your separatist, queer, eco, black, liberal, not to mention your second-wave, third-wave and post feminists and it goes on and on and on... I JUST THINK CHICKS ARE GREAT! I love it when women beat men at their own game, I believe that women can do everything and anything that men can (and more) and want the opportunity to be available to all. and I have no issue with pornography or women using their bodies if THEY ARE THE ONES IN CONTROL and doing it because they want to.

But it’s choice that I think it comes down to, and I respect if that choice includes things traditionally under the feminine gender stereotype like being a stay at home mum, a nurse, knitting, baking cupcakes or whatever floats your boat. I love that these things are being reclaimed, and I love it even more when men do them too. I think the world these days is hard for men too, and I respect anyone who can loudly and proudly JUST BE THEMSELVES! (P.S.I love knitting and baking cupcakes so there!)

Feminism still gets a bad rap, a friend of mine the other day said something along the lines of “yeah they did a lot of great stuff for women but now we are expected to do it all, work, babies, all of it.” There is a lot of truth in that, and it’s defiantly something I struggle with everyday. Life would be a lot easier for me if I were happy to be a stay at home mum/subservient housewife but I’m afraid it ain't gonna happen! It was never going to be like that. And it would be nice if the boy would come along for that ride and meet me half way but he seems to delight in making life hard for me! Things were fine before the kiddlies came along, we would each cook every second night and whoever didn’t cook did the dishes blah blah. But for some reason when the kiddiewinks came along 50’s housewife style gender divides came into play. And I’d just like to add here in my defence that pretty much the year after you have a baby is the most vulnerable time in a woman’s life and if there is someone willing to take advantage of that then you’re in big trouble lady (trust me I know!)

So how does one fix this mess, without becoming a ‘bitch’ or a ‘nag’ (my current tag). The only way out I can currently see for the boy to once again take me seriously again is to return to full-time work, it’s the only way I can see he might meet me half way, but I think I’m kidding myself there too. I want him to become a stay at home or at least part time working dad, Then I get to just lie on the couch when I get home from work until called to the table for tea (but only once it’s served up and on the table for me!) Actually I don’t think that’s how it will really be but whatever happens, I can’t wait to see how he handles it all. “This is easy” will no doubt be all I will here “I don’t know what you were winging about”, all that! But I’ll know...

How does one juggle all these identities ‘wife’(I use this term loosley!), mother, lover, career-gal, feminist without dropping any of the (metaphorical) balls? Will he ever meet me ½ way? Will those feminists on the telly ever agree on what it is they are fighting for? Join me in the next life for the answers to these questions and more...

Zinies...

2011-04-06T16:22:00.003+10:00

I love getting real mail... And today I received this tasty little package full of zines I ordered from Sticky Institute in a bit of a drunken online shopping splurge on my weekend off! Ima gonna be busy for the next couple of days! Oh and I will probably find them VERY inspiring... Don't say you haven't been warned!

A roller skating jam called sunday morning...

2011-04-03T10:44:00.005+10:00

I just went for my first Roller Skate is probably 7 years (well apart from that one spin around the kitchen after I saw Whip it last year!) and hey guess what... didn't fall over or nothin'!!! Yup I've still got my skates much to the boys chargrin, they are cool, red and white, old skool (though unfortunately not hightop but you cant have it all and eat it too). In fact how I came to own these skates is kind of a funny story, one my mum will be most upset about me telling. It must have been, oh god at least 20 year ago as I was still a teenager and still going to rod runs with the fam... this one was at the Natex complex in Canberra which happened to also contain a Roller Skating rink back when there were still Roller Skating rinks around... (does anyone else remember the Zoo Roller Disco in Bendigo? I think its a paint shop now!) Anyways my dad had this hilarious idea that he wanted to please the crowd by roller skating in his undies behind the Yellow truck (out Chevy pickup) water skiing style. He went to the rink to borrow a pair and they were not amused and wouldn't lend them... so he bought them... as you do. I don't think anyone else found this caper as hilarious as my dad thought it was, especially my mum whom to which we pointed out that dad had holes in those particular undies... Anyways as luck would have it I'm about the same size shoe as my dad, well a tiny bit bigger but the stitches, breathing and lower back pain tend to kick in before the feet start to hurt so it's all good!

Fast cars and Slow magazines...

2011-04-02T21:46:00.000+11:00

Latest issue of Slow magazine...

Ex Libris Detrium...

2011-04-01T22:09:00.000+11:00

Check out the Ex Libris Detrium exhibition at Castlemaine library...

"an accumulation of objects found in books returned to the library"

DIY feminism...

2011-04-01T21:50:00.005+11:00

That book on Riot Grrrl, Girls to the front got me thinking about another book in my collection which I dragged out today; DIY Feminism which came out around '95-96. Actually I remember when I bought it, I was sort of friends with this girl, I say sort of friends because I thought we were friends but it was one of those circumstantial friendships where once circumstances have changed and I wasn't needed anymore, well, you know, scrap heap etc. Anyways she had told me about this "naff book about trying to be all new feminist with, you know, annoying chicks like that one in Spiderbait and that young spunky politician and stuff". She was totally bagging it out but I just kept my mouth shut and thought I'd go buy it at the next opportunity. I think it was my first real introduction to things like zines. Growing up in the country in the pre-internet age really was such a sheltered lifestyle. Anyways, it was a good book, and I'm gonna have another read so hopefully it hasn't dated too much!

Four books that have changed the way I feel about teenage girls...

2011-03-31T10:35:00.009+11:00

I remember how hard it can be to be a teenage girl, and it shocks me to realise that it was half of my lifetime ago, sometimes that agony is still so strong for me. There have been four books that have really effected me in the last couple of weeks and all have that teenage girl theme running through them; I watched the movie Precious and was blown away and immediately read the Novel Push by Sapphire. Based around her experiences teaching underprivileged teenage girls in alternative schools, and told from the perspective of Clarice Precious Jones, who is 16 and pregnant with her second child to her father... not for the fainthearted but so inspiring with finding the right support and someone to believe in you and push you to be all you can be, that such a big difference could be made, and one life saved. I also love that it's told in Clarice's voice, well written voice... if you read it you'll see what I mean! I've become addicted to audio books, out library has just gone live with Eaudio book downloads from Bolinda Audio. I listened to On the Jellicoe road by Melina Marchetta. Such a well written intricate tale of a young girl trying to understand the mysteries of her life. Don't be fooled by the "Teenage" fiction tag, I love her books and like I said before, that was 1/2 my life ago! Eve Ensler's I am an emotional creature was also a truly inspiring read, makes me feel like I'd love to work with teenage girls, to make a difference in their lives (though ask me again in 10 or so years time when I have two teenage girls of my own!) I love the monologue style of Eve Ensler's work (they are written as plays/spoken word pieces to be performed rather than just read) I think she is such a brave writer... and she has great hair! Lastly, I'm currently reading Girls to the front: the true story of the Riot Grrrl revolution by Sarah Marcus. Loving it! But feel a bit sad that 20 years on we still have such huge issues with Bullying, Body image and sexual harassment. I found this great sign? picture? note? on the Bust website the other day which shows me the spirit of Riot Grrrl is still alive... Gotta love Bust! But back to the book, I managed to miss out on Riot Grrrl until about '95 when it had all become so mainstream that it lost it's soul and the original Riot Grrrls had lost faith in their original concepts. Maybe I was too young, or maybe it was a geographical thing I don't know but I love the spirit of the movement, the DIY aspects that I think will never happen again now that we've got the net to make all that stuff too easy for us. My brand of feminism suits the Riot Grrrl style. I like taking the boys on at their own game!

Rollin'...

2011-03-27T13:55:00.003+11:00

I finally made it to my first VRDL Bout last night and I have to say... I am in love!

Next weekend when the boy is gone and the girls are out of my hair I'm gonna strap on the skates for the first time in about 7 years (apart from that one spin around the kitchen!) and see if I've still got what it would take!!!

I love the fact that there was such a huge range of female forms on display, and that it's all about the talent and having a ball! I love the DIY aspect of it, I love that these girls are celebrated for being tough, sexy and athletic.

Oh Yeah... I just remembered the story of my first time on Roller Skates. My (four years older than me) brother got a pair of those adjustable skates you put over your shoes, I asked to have a go but my mum said I was too little... so after my brother got bored with struggling with it, I nicked the skates and took them over to my dad to adjust for me, apparently mum looked out the window and I was up skating straight away!

Hope you like her...

2011-03-23T19:56:00.002+11:00

Coz she's gonna be around for a while!!!

She was done today by Jane Laver from Chapel Tattoo and I love her!!!

Good friends and Sharpies...

2011-03-23T09:29:00.004+11:00

I am blessed with some terrific friends in my life, and I have always tried to keep up with them on a regular basis, I don't know if its a needy insecurity thing in me or what but I am starting to understand that quality over quantity and that thing about letting them go and if they come back and also that the whole thing is a two way street and phew... can I come up with anymore tacky affirmative assertions?

But that quality over quantity thing is what I'm having to live my life by at the moment and I've had two such experiences of late that definitely fall under the quality category.

I went to see one of my favourite authors, Armistead Maupin, with one of my favourite friends S, also a fellow fan. In fact I think we may have bonded over our mutual love for the man... oh my god 15 years ago!!! But it was just such a lovely evening, went to see him DJ first, then had a lovely curry, and although we ran into a lot of people we both know including my brother (though that wasn't exactly a run into) we got to spend a few good solid hours just catching up. No kiddy distractions, No crowds of people viying for mine or... mostly his attention. Ahhh Bliss!

The other really great friendship experience of late was with the lovely JA. I had contacted Greg MacAinsh (of Skyhooks fame!) about using his short film of the Sharpies he made in 1974 at my event (more on that later). He made me a high quality DVD copy and I was to go pick it up from his house which is near JA's and she is the one person who would understand that hey, this is actually quite a big deal! Turns out the day I ended up going over there she had, um, well, lets just say she was 'under the weather' and leave it at that. So we walked on over from hers and spent a good 1/2 hour in really interesting conversation with a real life Aussie songwriting legend! We even managed to somehow steer the conversation to JA's current love of her life Joan Jett... And we were so good and NOT groupie like, in fact when he went to answer his phone (Ring tone = Gary Glitter's Rock and Roll part 2!) we didn't leave our seats and only craned our heads to snoop around!!!

So the Sharpies event went well, other than a minor technical difficulty and the fact that I was trying to do it all myself so was running around like a mad woman whilst trying to be the talent as well! (We had it as an 'in conversation' piece which was great but I shouldn't have been trying to do everything else too! typical me!!). Anyways despite the fact that I cant really remember what was said as its all went by in such a blur, the night was really well received and I met some really interesting people including Chane Chane, lead singer of 70's Aussie Punk/Sharpie band LaFemme who we managed to convince to give us a lesson in the Sharpie Shuffle... gee I hope someone got that on film!! Film maker Rebecca McLean who showed us a couple of her films and even someone who's mum wrote the book the Delinquents, yep the one made into the film with Kylie. I'm pretty proud of the whole event to be honest and not to blow my own trumpet too much!!!

DoooDoDO! (that was supposed to be a trumpet noise... OK shut up now!)

Taking notes...?

2011-03-20T13:34:00.010+11:00

Last night I went out... properly out with like drinks and dancing and going to clubs with a cover charge and staying out past the pumpkin hour! Crazy I know!! It was celebrating my equal best Friend C's birthday and we had a hotel room to retire to and all... But like the typical librarian I am, I found the need to take notes on the evening in order to share it with all of you, Here's what I woke up to on my phone this morning which I will then attempt to translate...

Ironic dancing, hair styler straightenerin toilet that was weird, khocolate bar melbournes home r & b old scool beats, high heels, don't move feet $12 entry, what was that club in st kilda retro club???? Can't talk, 10, maybe 15 years ago, since I was a student. Dj wants to be a radio anoucer what the fuck is thatanoucinh the song over the track, since when do they do that though the club we went to in my student days seemed to just play the same mixed tape every night, grease megamix followed by Lenny are you gonna go my way! And that friggin sirraid siren what's that all about?oh and then some people in dress ups came in...um they just played ice Ice baby didn't I request that once at a blue light disco?friggin hens nights don't ever let me get married.twister. Then we got taken to another club with the promise of 80's music and $5 to get in and all I got was pointer sisters being very excited then they played all the same songs as the other place except ice icebaby which would have redeemed the situation, rockin the cazbar nowok gotta sit down now too old for this shit, there's Billy Jean again...oh yeah that's what I was going to say, club that looks all plush in the dark but you know would be all sad inThe lightwhats going on I don't smokebut it smelled so good what's with that?policeman just came to talk to me do I look that pathetic? remindsne of that time the bartender told me the bouncer said to keep an eye on me because they thought I was out of it when I wadjust tiredthen they played Mel n Kim respectable and got me up again tren yazz then when salt n proa came on all was forgiven Sent from my iPhone

Ironic dancing (Two of C's friends were masters of the ironic dance which I am most appreciative of... cant stand those who take themselves too seriously)
hair styler straightenerin toilet that was weird, (See picture below, in the ladies toilet there was a hair straightener that you could put $2 into to use... weirdest part about it is that nobody else battered an eyelid at this!)
khocolate bar melbournes home r & b old scool (school) beats (Club we went to),
high heels, don't move feet(I was amazed at the height if some of the heels on the ladies, I am a flatty girl myself, 'cept for my cowboy boots with their cuban style heel, oh and my fake maribou slippers, anyways I'm always amazed at how the ladies walk on these instruments of torture let alone dance. What I observed is that you just don't move your feet but confine your dance moves to your upper body)
$12 entry,(we were all a little horrified, but it's been a long time so I just figure that's what you pay these days, others in the group were not so gracious and just left... a little rude me thinks when your out with a group)
what was that club in st kilda retro club???? (I was thinking back to my 'clubbing' days, I say 'clubbing' the most broadest sense of the word as we used to go to some of the daggiest places possible)
Can't talk, (not literally, i think this was refering to the bagging out of the said club that I was doing in my head, then thinking of the places we used to frequent - see last explanation)
10, maybe 15 years ago, since I was a student. (was thinking of how long it had been since I'd been out like this)
Dj wants to be a radio anoucer what the fuck is thatanoucinh (announcing) the song over the track, since when do they do that (the DJ was sooooo irritating announcing the tracks and stuff)
though the club we went to in my student days seemed to just play the same mixed tape every night, grease megamix followed by Lenny are you gonna go my way! (this is true... same songs in the same order, every time we went. The only ones I remember though are the Grease Megamix was always followed by Lenny Kravitz 'Are you gonna go my way' which made me happy, oh and they always played this really dirty version of that 'Wiggle Wiggle' song)
And that friggin sirraid (air raid) siren what's that all about?oh and then some people in dress ups came in...um they just played ice Ice baby didn't I request that once at a blue light disco?friggin hens nights don't ever let me get married. (Is all of this self explanatory?)
twister. (That was the name of that 80's 'club' we used to go to in St Kilda ALL the time that I couldnt remember the name of)
Then we got taken to another club (Chaise Lounge) with the promise of 80's music and $5 to get in and all I got was pointer sisters being very excited then they played all the same songs as the other place except ice icebaby which would have redeemed the situation, rockin the cazbar nowok gotta sit down now too old for this shit, there's Billy Jean again...oh yeah that's what I was going to say, club that looks all plush in the dark but you know would be all sad inThe lightwhats going on I don't smokebut it smelled so good what's with that?(walking to the next bar I had 1/2 a cigarette, I don't smoke and I hate smoking but it just smelled so good that I don't know what came over me!)
policeman just came to talk to me do I look that pathetic? (Some police came into the bar while I was sitting on one of the couches on my own having a bit of a rest, just came up to me and asked how my night was and who I was here with, probably just looking out for girls who were on their own)
remindsne (reminds me) of that time the bartender told me the bouncer said to keep an eye on me because they thought I was out of it when I wadjust tired (This one time I was just exhaustedly tired and layed on the chair to have a little power nap, the bouncer must have thought I was really out of it and told the bartender to get me out of there, I wasn't, I was just tired and he knew I was no trouble, just old me maybe not to lay down as the bouncers were watching me. You think back to your student/going out days and think; 'If I was that tired why the hell was I out at a bar???')
then they played Mel n Kim respectable and got me up again tren (then) yazz (The only way is up!)then when salt n proa (Pepa - Push it, one of my favourite songs of all time)
came on all was forgiven
Sent from my iPhone (Emailed to myself as I figured these really profound thoughts and observations should never be forgotten...)

Another Day, Another Rant...

2011-03-14T10:19:00.003+11:00

OK so we had a 4 year old birthday party on Saturday. It was at Macca's, which I don't have any moral or big corporate evil giant objection too... in fact I've been known to have the occasional indulge... and they've got free wifi too!

Anyways back to my story...

My Rant is not about the venue, but about the choices some people make, or perhaps they are not making a choice and that's the problem.

Little Miss was sitting next to birthday girl when the happy meals were served. She spied Little Misses Apple Juice...

Birthday Girl: "I want some of *****'s Drink"

Birthday Girls Mum: "No ****, Your having Coke"

BG: "But I don't want Coke, I want Apple Juice"

BGM: "No, your having Coke!"

Now, once again, No objection to Coke itself, In fact, once again, I don't mind the occasional tipple myself. I have no big corporate giant Hijacked Santa kind of objection to Coke. I JUST DON'T THINK ITS VERY GOOD FOR LITTLE KIDS!

If your kid wants fruit juice why are you forcing carbonated, caffeine filled, sugar laden, has no kind of natural taste what-so-ever? I'm also not under any illusion that the Apple Juice itself has any less sugar than the Coke, but at least its kind of got some sort of recognisable taste and maybe some hint of nutritional value hidden in there somewhere.

I would never say anything at the party to the other parents but I got all smug and proud of Little Miss when she didn't want any of birthday Girls drink coz it was yucky! Yay you! Yep, won't say anything but will get all ranty about it later! Hypocritical yes, Smug yes, Superior... I don't think I am by any means, but like I said before, of course I think my parenting choices are superior to others or I wouldn't be doing it that way!

Authors I will read anything they write, and probably even buy it because I couldn't wait till the library got it... (now thats dedication!)

2011-03-12T11:50:00.002+11:00

Armistead Maupin
Augusten Burroughs
Eve Ensler
Susan Townsend
Linda Jaivin
Christos Tsiolkas
Nick Hornby
Elizabeth Wurtzel
Fiona Horne
Phyllis Curott
Mary Karr
Steve Martin (yep the actor! - who knew hey!)
Mark Haddon
Diablo Cody (even though she's only done one book... can I include the films she writes?)
Naomi Wolf
Marianne Faithfull (One book makes you a memoirist, two makes you a writer so she makes the list!)

Just about every woman I know needs to read this book...

2011-03-08T11:38:00.000+11:00

This is probably one of the most important books Ive read in forever! Screw Inner Beauty or in the States it's just called Lessons from the Fat-o-sphere by Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby, two very cool Fat-acceptance advocates. It's all about getting off the dieting bandwagon, listening to your body, accepting yourself as the size you are and finding exercise that is fun and makes you feel good. I think just about every woman I knows should read it... even some of the skinny ones. Oh and the boy too!

Deflated....

2011-03-08T11:18:00.003+11:00

I got turned down for another job yesterday. Another one that would have got us closer to our goal of moving back to the country. One that I thought I was perfect for. Feeling quite deflated and finding that it's so much harder than I thought to break back into work with two small children. Maybe C is right that there is a bit of an inherent, subconscious discrimination against women with small children? Or maybe that my confidence is not what it used to be? Or maybe, as everyone keeps saying and I keep trying to tell myself this was not the job for me and something better will come along, blah blah blah...

I thought I'd got past the point in my life where I needed to fight to be taken seriously!

Gorgeous!

2011-03-03T20:22:00.001+11:00

Sam from SkinsNSharps describes me as a Gorgeous Gal! Yay!

Honour Library

2011-03-03T11:52:00.001+11:00

Came across this Honour Library at Prahran Market whilst on yesterdays play date explorations with the Hawm... Thought it was a bit cute!

2011-03-03T10:31:00.007+11:00

Get Set for Mr. S!

2011-03-01T12:21:00.006+11:00

This post is dedicated to one of my oldest friends Mr. S. 15 years we have under our belts with narry a cross word between us... well that I can remember either!

He's one of those people that draws interesting people to him and my life would be so much greyer for it not for our friendship!

I'm so proud of him, He's got himself this regular DJ gig on a Sunday afternoon "The Sunday Set" at the Toff in Town.

He is totally in his element and each week there is a theme that all the songs must adhere too. This week's was "Luck" so you've got your Tumbling dice, Lucky Star, Knock on Wood, etc. etc. I love it and would be there every week if I could be.

Here they are in the free rag last year...

He's such a sweety boy and I love him (that Nurofen is kicking in!!!)

P.S. He's single if there's any interested gents out there!!

Red Tenting it...

2011-03-01T12:07:00.003+11:00

I'm starting think the idea of having a 'Red Tent' such as they had in biblical times for menstruating women to go it is a great idea! I'm sure the boy would sure appreciate it too! Not only do you get to hide out from the world and not have to lift a finger with your 'sisters' looking after you, but the rest of the world doesn't have to put up with you either!!

I'm such a raggy horrible bitch at the moment... not to say no-one else (eg the boy) is to blame because of course everything is his fault. It always is.

Ive been having some good chats with my doctor recently. She said that people are always wanting to find something physically wrong with them because they don't want to admit they are just tired and maybe doing too much. That has really stuck with me. She also said that I have a lot on my plate what with kids and work and running a household etc. and that I should try and take more time out for myself, I actually feel I've got a little too much time to myself at the moment and too much time to think can be a bad thing!!!

She did test my hormone levels for me though, and of course they were normal, I'm not going through early menopause or have an ectopic pregnancy any of the other things my stupid brain comes up with that I get all obsessed about. I'm just fucking normal! How boring is that!

So I walked home (in the rain) and thought stuff the dishes/washing/total fucking mess that is called my house and the rest of the to do list and I am sitting in bed with my peppermint tea, cheesy teenage novel waiting for my Nurofen plus to kick in and closing the door on the rest of the world!

W is for...

2011-02-24T06:41:00.000+11:00

It's funny how certain people can come into your life when you need them most. It's no secret that I've been feeling a little lost of late and it gets you thinking about things that might have been important to you once upon a time that work, travel, kids and, well life gets in the way of you fully exploring. I have a deep interest in Witchcraft and Pagan beliefs and about 10 years ago I was studying and practicing, but then of course, said life gets in the way. Well my newest friend took me to a catch up with some witch friends of hers, and whether or not anything comes of it, it's brought me back to something that I am really passionate about, probably part of my re-claiming of myself back after having kids and all that.

I came to Wicca though Fiona Horne. It was when I read her first book, that I realised that much this was what I was already naturally doing. Noticing the moons cycles etc, and I had a type of alter for years. I finally found something that I connected with, I'd never felt that before with any type of religious practice.

I already liked her as a singer, and when I heard about a book she was writing on 'urban witchcraft' it spiked up my ears. I also remember when I finally found the book maybe two years later, I was having a bad day and a few things had gone wrong and I was a bit stressed out. I walked into a bookshop and there was Fiona, with snakes coming out of her hair, it was wonderful and immediately turned a bad day into a wonderful journey.

I'm not really sure how the Pagan community feels about Fiona, whether they think she is a fluffy Bunny, making light of the craft, and I have to admit, of recent years, its more of a reality TV and less writing so I can understand if she's not being taken so seriously! But I still love her, and I'm so tired of worrying about what other people think, I like her. I like that she does keeps things simple. I read about others spells and practices which are so complicated, you must have this phase of the moon, these particular tools, this whatever... Fiona talks about the will and intent being the most important, the tools are mealy that, tools. If your will is telling you to do the spell now, but the moon is not in the right phase, well what is more important!!! Your will, your symbolism, what speaks to you.

I also like that she is the antithesis of the old witchy stereotype. Anyways, here's a few photographs I took of her back in the olden days (you know... back in the late 90's!!)
The fist ones were taken of her conducting a spell at a book launch, the second performing at club solo just after Def FX broke up. I love the colour and movment in that shot.

Enjoy!

Rampant Consumerism...

2011-02-16T20:22:00.003+11:00

So I overheard something disturbing when dropping Little Miss off at Kinder yesterday...

"I caught him trying to slip his ipod into his kinder bag"

IPOD! KINDER BAG!?

What the fuck does a four year old need a fucking ipod for!!??

My friend C is a single mum. Her ex (who, mind you left her when she was 3 mo pregnant with their second child. Informs her later that he was planning to leave but wanted child 1 to have a sibling. Does this go to show the mentality we are dealing with here!?) Anyways, he come from a wealthy family (and has never had to lift a finger beyond menial jobs... anyway this is not about him) this is about the fact that the two kids, 5 and 7 both have fucking ipods for godsake.

IPODS! 5 & 7!?

So C says to me "how am I ever supposed to compete with that?" I said you don't compete. You keep going the complete opposite with op shop clothes and lots of love and a great role model who works hard and is making it on her own!

Go C... I loves ya!

2011-02-16T20:21:00.001+11:00

This is me...

2011-02-15T20:27:00.001+11:00

Prince...

2011-02-11T11:09:00.000+11:00

A few years ago, my friend S held a 'Prince' Night. Thats right, the little purple man...

This was back when I was still photographing and I managed to come up with these little beauties...

Enjoy!

Songs to get you through a break up with a really nasty ex boyfriend (circa. 1995)

2011-02-10T10:11:00.001+11:00

For when you start to figure out somethings wrong... maybe around the first time he makes you cry...

"...you look at me the wrong way and I start to cry."

When things start getting too hard, you know somethings wrong but he's got you brainwashed into thinking that it's your fault.

"I'm on your side Are you too blind to see,
I'm on your side You know I'm not the enemy..."

"When you start your get your strength back... you start getting angry and decide you don't wanna take this shit anymore...

"I'm bored staring at the ceiling while you point out my flaws, Ive watched the wallpaper peeling from slamming doors"

"When you finally get the strength to break up with him... Yeah I know that in this some the protagonist was dumped... but its about the anger...

And how he told you that no one else would ever want you and you could never do better than him. Then he comes back and tells you that, although he's been fucking his best (female) friend, that didn't work and he realised it was you that he missed and he wants you to reconsider.

"Every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back I hope you feel it..."

This is for that confused time just after a breakup, that daze you are in when you realise its over, you've gotten out.

The song itself is about stalking your ex... but again, its the ANGER!

"I know that my mind is confusion, I know that you have no more love,
For me and I need a transfusion, or someone to wake me, shake me"

And this ones for when your just so angry, usually with yourself for not seeing that you should have dumped him back at Tina Turner, that you need to jump around the room and scream at the top of your lungs to let it all out.

"Kitty, kitty please come here but don't you touch me don't you dare..."

Favourite and least favourite book of the week...

2011-02-09T10:00:00.008+11:00

My favourite book this week (I've read two so its not hard to choose!) was Kelly Doust's A Life in Frocks. I liked it so much I've gone and bought two copies fo friends for presents! I like an author is prepared to admit her flaws and faux pars (I related to her experience of 'out of uniform' days at school and how she got them SO wrong!) and though I'm not sure about her taste all the time (she was going on and on about Sass and Bides Futuregrande Collection, which I had to then look up because im such a fasion ignoramous. I gotta say i thought it was hideous!) But then again im still wearing the same stuff I wore 10 years ago, which I prefer to think means I'm about 5-10 years ahead of my time in terms of fashion trend cycles! I like people who are obsessed about something and not embarassed to admit it! And given that, other than the said Sass & Bide, she creats her own style and loves a good op shop trawl! (see previous entry!)

The other book I read this week was Things Bogans Like, much like its redneck American cousin Stuff White People Like whose only purpose in life seem to be to make me feel embarrased by liking anything slightly mainsteam and not being all impressed by stuff thats so arty and wanky that my bogan white brain simply couldnt comprehend. Look I know the whole things terribly tongue in cheek and the (anonomous) authors are self confessed snobs... But if there's one thing I hate more than Bogans it's Wankers who think they are better than everyone else... You know the type... people who make comments like "I prefer Ebooks beacuse I read so fast that I find turning pages slows me down too much"... Yes this is a real comment from someone I don't like being around because they make me feel like such a Bogan!

One thing I did feel about both these books, they could have done with being about 20 (frocks) to 50 (bogans) pages shorter as they tend to get a bit repetitive towards the end...

I said they tend to get a bit repetitive towards the end...

Tantrums...

2011-02-09T09:19:00.003+11:00

Tantrums are exhausting all round! Well except for Bubba-ista who just watched and took the whole thing all in... storing all the ideas in the memory bank for later!!

It was all about clothes, as it usually is with 4 year old girls... Ive tried to bring up a child immune to this crap but it seems its bigger than me! She chose a Summery (read-Slutty!) dress, and although it was mutually agreed upon to wear a Tshirt with it, the problem arose when she wanted to wear the Tshirt underneath and I had said it would go over the top... it's not a big deal I know and to be honest I don't really care, except that I had said that's what we were doing. Its a 15 min walk to childcare, usually a pleasant walk but with a soundtrack of "I wanna see the whole thing..." over and over in THAT voice, and when that didn't work she thought maybe "I don't want the Tshirt..." might change things. I remained strong and clam (on the outside anyways!) and just ignored, but it's so hard, inside I was seething and just wanted to shout at the little brat. And that's the thing, shes not a little brat!

It's 9.30 and I'm already exhausted! Thank the goddess for childcare and a day with just Bubba-ista whose tantrums I'm still able to laugh at and think 'Is that the best you can do, your gonna have to do better than that if you want to get up my nose!'

Good Finds...

2011-02-04T12:35:00.003+11:00

Op Shop crawls can go either way. There are many factors that can make or break a successful Op Shopping experience;

You've got to pick you area - I am lucky enough to live in a skanky industrial suburb... I have 3 Op Shops in close proximity, all in the Industrial area away from main roads which = not overly picked over and Huge!

You've got to be in the right mood - The mood for hunting through Racks and Racks, in other words - Patience... Something I do not always possess!

You've got to have the time to browse and be unencumbered by pesky hangers on like Kids/Boyfriends.

You've got to be picky and have a few people of different sizes that like the same stuff as you, either that, or know whats good to take a risk on selling on Ebay.

The planets were aligned the other day and I managed to find a few worthwhile bargains, Here's some of the choice items I came upon;

This Hot Roller skating Tshirt in both Black and my fave, Purple! Score!!

This Cute Drag Racing Checkered Flag diner style shirt... Cept it's Size 6... I would need two of these joined together to have any chance of fitting it. This one is going straight to Ebay!

This one is an advertisement for TV1 but I can forgive that for the Cute SHAG style Pic.

Not Sure if this is Genuine Vintage or Reproduction Vintage, But the Tag looks old and I live a good Hawaiian Shirt!

This one comes under the "so ugly its fab" Heading... again too small but who can resist! There's always the dress up box!!

Old Friends...

2011-02-02T21:38:00.003+11:00

I managed to catch up with two old friend this week, both of which I hadn't seen in a year or so and it was lovely. I always get a little paranoid when I don't manage to keep in regular contact with people, I guess in light of the last post I can see where this comes from! I get all worried that I've done something to upset them or that it's going to be awkward or whatever. But we took up where we had left off, as always seems to happen.

I like these encounters with people who knew me in my former life, It not only reminds me of who I was/am (JA said to me the other day "you are still you" and I thank her for that! it was what I needed to hear as I have been feeling pretty lost lately and feel like I am finally clawing myself back again.) but also makes me realise that with real friends it doesn't matter if its been a while and it really is quality over quantity.

And that I am lucky that I have a lot of real friends.

I am a very lucky person!

Ultra...

2011-02-01T22:25:00.005+11:00

Here is one of my very early influences. I cant remember how old I was when I read this book but I was early to mid teens and it came out in 1988 when I was 13 so somewhere around then...

I never felt like I fitted in with the present so maybe that's why I became obsessed with the past? I cant remember what attracted me to Andy Warhol's art but it was probably the Marilyn connection because she was one of my first obsessions!

Anyways, Ultra Violet, who was really on the fringes of the factory scene but has managed to still make a career out of her limited involvement, became one of my first real influences when it came to fashion, attitude, and what life really could be like outside of a small town. Reality never lives up to anything that you think, But its nice to believe there might be more out there!

She wore nothing but purple (which was always my favourite colour), actually there is one image that always stuck with me, of her using beetroot to get the right colour lipstick, pulling it out of her bag and cutting a piece off for a touch up whereever she was! And even though she was part of that scene, didn't let it swallow her like it did so many others. So this is Ultra then...

And this is Ultra now...

Looking and thinking about this post has brought back memories of an Ex-friend, O. We had been friends in primary school and re-connected when we were 16. Again, one of the first times I felt I found somewhere I fitted in (I seem to be going though a lot of that lately!). She was interested in art, and 60's music too. She introduced me to the Velvet Underground and Old Movies and the Camperwell Market. But it wasn't to last... she dumped me, in the heartless ways that teenagers dump each other. She wrote me a letter. This long drawn out thing that I wish now I had kept because I'd love to read the melodrama in it! It was all so weird. It was like breaking up with someone who I was never romantically involved though we were closer than any boy/girl style relationship when your 16/17 so it really did hurt a lot more. I think I was just bewildered by the whole thing.

I've had a couple of other similar situations since, where a very close friendship has soured and it always hurts worse than a romantic break up because you expect that of the romantic relationship, not of friendship. But at least those times it had all been brewing and simmering for a while and to be honest it really was a relief. But O was just weird... It came out of the blue and I think it was one of the first times I really had my heart broken.

She did try to come see me again a while later, I think to try to explain but I gave her such the brush off I wouldn't have a clue what we actually talked about. I've always had a mean streak that lasts long after a relationship has ended!!!

No rooting allowed!

2011-02-01T11:15:00.005+11:00

The flyer for the Sharpies event has been finalised...

Cept I had to sacrifice the word "Rooting" due to council communications policy!

You can book here

deja vu

2011-01-31T22:29:00.003+11:00

You'll have to forgive me if I repeat myself on this blog. It's bound to happen. It's something I find myself doing a lot. Repeating myself that is. I think it stems from childhood where I felt nobody ever listened to me. So therefore I find myself repeating myself. A lot. Because I feel people don't listen to me.

Besides which, my brain feels like such a worn out over active sieve at the moment (if that makes any sense) that I can't seem to keep up with what I have written and what I think about writing. And believe me there is a hell of a lot more of the later than the former going on. It doesn't help that I cant even sit at my computer for two minutes before little miss wants to play her dora-little einsteins-mr maker-octonauts-wonder pets-reading eggs-angelina ballerina-diego-freakin' bubble guppies whatever the hell they are games or the boy starts yelling out 'where's my desert/what are you doing/come in here for a cuddle/why don't you love me' or some such co-dependent whining... Honestly he's worse than a small child and given that I have small children I can actually say that with authority.

Anyways, what got me onto this rant was that I was going to have a whinge about my insomnia which seems to have re-reared its ugly head of late including tonight where I was so tired and grumpy that I took myself off to bed early then, as always seems to happen as soon as the light goes off, I'm wide awake and my feet get all hot and my legs start to get all twitchy and then I start thinking about things that would be good to write about on my blog but I cant remember if I have written about them before and if I write about them again will I be caught out embellishing and not letting the truth get in the way of a good story et al.

But back to the insomnia, I couldn't remember if I'd winged about it before because I didn't want to repeat myself because I often do find myself repeating myself and I think it comes from childhood where I felt like no one ever listened to me and I seem to have developed this habit of repeating myself. Again.

Past Embarrasments...

2011-01-25T11:20:00.000+11:00

What was the first album you got/bought?

Mine are actually OK... first one I got was Dire Straits Brothers in Arms, first one I bought was Madonna's Like a Virgin (both on tape of course!) Both classic albums... how boring is that! The answer to that question is supposed to heed much embarrasment! So here are a few gems from my childhood should have remain forgotten, except for the fact I have no (well very little anyway) Shame!

I was in trouble once and my mum took this one off me as a punishment... she should have kept it!

How embarrassing is this one? the fact that I owned it or that it was even produced in the first place! The standout track was "Eat your heart out Rick Springfield" which took me a while to figure out was a response to "Jesse's Girl" even though it wasn't actually sung by Jesse "The Body" Ventura! In researching this I found it's even got it's own Wikipedia entry!!

Now here's one that I really should be embarrassed about but am not, it's also what inspired this post! Neils heavy concept album was mentioned on RRR the other day... Yep Neil from the Young Ones, my favourite program as a kid (still up there!), harmless fun really but freaked out my Granny when we went to stay there (mind you the episode we watched there was Sick!). I bet I could even dig up this one if I needed too (also on tape mind you!)

And speaking of the Young Ones, for your viewing pleasure...

The good stuff...

2011-01-24T17:06:00.001+11:00

OK so the last post talked about the trash I've been watching/reading... and that's not all that I'm about so here's some recent highlights I might mention in polite company...

The Hedgehog based on The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery (recommended to me by one of my more influential and serendipitous if not absent friends A.)

The No. 1 Ladies detective agency on DVD recommended by Library Jo based on the novels by Alexander McCall Smith (which I've always meant to read and never got around to!)

Fall Girl by Toni Jorden (Author of Addition) which brought to mind another of my favourite books Honk if you are Jesus by Peter Goldsworthy but that might just be the Tasmanian Tiger connection

Just Kids by Patti Smith which I am amazed at myself it took me so long to get around to reading considering I love both Patti Smith and Robert Mapplethorpe.

Trash-a-rama

2011-01-23T10:00:00.001+11:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I love a good bit of trash at times... recent examples may include; Secret Diary of a Call girl on DVD (the only TV show that could come anywhere near replacing Sex and the City for me!), Joan Rivers A piece of work, Julian Clarey's A young mans passage, I like you by Amy Sedaris, Nasty Girl by Ma-Ling Lee (another of about 20 million "memoirs" of sex industry workers that I seem just so intrigued by... no matter how fictitious they seem!). Anything by Candace Bushnell (who wrote Sex and the City), or Lauren Wiesberger (who wrote The devil wears Prada), both of which have just progressed into the trashy chick lit genre since promising starts... not that there's anything wrong with that!

But I may have just crossed the trash line... even for me!

Mr. Nick and I had a movie play date... to fucking Burlesque! Yep that one with Christina Aguilera and Cher! And just to improve on the trashiness factor... at 10 in the morning!!

I just have one thing to say... Cher's face does not move!!!

I have a kind of love/hate relationship with Cher... I like her in a campy, Gypsy's Tramps and Thieves kind of way... and think it's funny that for such a gay icon she kicked her daughter (now her son) out of home when she came out. But come on folks... the woman's a freak... let me repeat... HER FACE DOES NOT MOVE! and what is with that fucking ... song in the middle with no relevance to anything other than Cher's fucking contract???!!!

But what can you expect when the whole thing was a Xtina showcase (she was an executive producer after all).

It was trying to be a poor mans Chicago (which would have been OK if not for scrawny Renee whatshername) which was trying to be a poor mans Cabaret (Genius!)

But guess what... I paid to see it!! and mind you, it was the perfect play date when you don't get to see many movies... money well spent if only for the chance to pull it apart over lunch after!!!

But too much Ive wasted too much space on this movie length MTV clip which is showing more the trashy Pussycat doll style of Burlesque when I would much much much prefer to promote the old school "All Tease No Sleaze" style of those such as Hi Ball Burlesque featuring the fabulous Anna Go Go AKA Minister Anna

Check her out in action here... not only can she twirl the tassels on the top... but check out that bottom action... now that's luscious!

And Honey... there's plenty more where that came from!!!

Pink bits!

2011-01-22T11:20:00.000+11:00

Today was the first time I saw Pinks new video for Fuckin' Perfect. I love Pink, I think she has a great message, be yourself, you don't have to act like a slut and you can be sexy and intelligent at the same time. Highlights include at the end of the Stupid Girls film clip when the little girl picks the sports equipment and educational toys over the girly stuff, her song Don't let me get me and the lyric "all my underdogs" in Raise your glass (even though I couldn't figure out if it was Artichokes or Isotopes for a while there!)

This clip really moved me, I found myself in tears by the end and that's saying something given that I'm not even pre-menstral.

It made me so glad that I have daughters. I always though I would have one boy and that would be it, then I end up with two girls! I makes me think of something that JA said to me a while back about how she was glad that I had a daughter that I could pass my coolness onto. I hope so. I hope I can bring them up to be strong enough to be who they are, not to feel they need to conform to any kind of mould society may throw at them.

It also made me think of something else that moved me recently. I saw some pictures on facebook of the the girl who was the most pretty and popular girl at my school, she was one year below me and she was an absolute Barbie doll... she was 'Perfect'. She looks hideous now, she's had problems with drugs and she looks totally rexy, maybe feeling the pressure to still remain that perfect person? I don't know if she's ever left the ol' home town? I don't really know that much about her to be honest. It made me happy for a few seconds, but then it just made me really really sad.

This I want to say to the world... Girls... HIGH SCHOOL DOES NOT MATTER! It's only a few years and you can survive it! The most beautiful people in high school, well that's their peak... how sad is that!

New Friends....

2011-01-21T15:43:00.004+11:00

I met up with the lovely Julie Mac the other day, Author of RAGE:A sharpies journal, we're doing an event at the Altona North Library on the 16th March... That makes it Hot Rods, Prostitutes, Chocolate, The Occult (Zodiac) and now, Sharpies... Not a bad collection of Library events! Kind of reminds me of the time I stayed in a christian youth hostel in Amsterdam and the sign on the door said;

No Alcohol
No Drugs
No Pornography
No Occult Materials

Well I had two out of the four in my bag when I arrived and It was certainly no stretch for me to find the other two!!

Anyways back to Julie Mac... It was nice to meet someone who, not only had I been corresponding with for a little while, but who you really feel a connection too, not to get too creepy but she felt it too! We've got a lot in common, and the things she mentioned are actually things that, although having known people into the same sort of thing, have never really had friends that I have shared those things with... sorry to sound all cryptic but I know what I mean!!!

So there you go, I've made myself a new friend. I don't think I've made a new one of those for at least 18 months! Go me!!

Oh and don't forget to come to the library on the 16th March!

And while your at it... check out this promo for her book...

You know that space I wanted...

2011-01-21T15:34:00.003+11:00

The boy is full of surprises... The boy who, when he's got a day on his own with the kids wont even leave the house has taken them down the beach for the weekend, a full 48 hours without me!

Bliss!!!

Mind you he's going down to stay at his mum's (mega) camp, so she's gonna be there the whole time too, but it's still a massive thing for him to do. He might get a taste of what it's like being with them constantly and having to be fully responsible and watch their every move when not in the home environment. It's going to do him the world of good. And even though he will never admit it's hard work and he will be all like "I don't know what your talking about, it's easy", secretly I will know (and his mum will tell me too!!)

As for me, well they just left, it's 3.30 pm and I've just poured myself a glass of cheap wine, have the Ice cream chilling in the freezer and the music turned up loud. I'm working both days of the weekend, but it's just so nice to have my own SPACE!!!

Little sluts...

2011-01-16T12:34:00.002+11:00

Now I'm certainly not saying I'm a perfect mum, in fact I'm the first to admit a) I'm not and b) there is no such thing. And yes I know that everyone is entitled to bring their kids up however they want and it's really none of my business and I really should keep my mouth shut... But here I go anyway!

I HATE it when people dress their kids up like little sluts... I know it's everywhere but what has got me riled up about it this time is a photo I saw on a facebook acquaintance's profile of her 5 year old daughter... I realise I am treading a fine line here as I am not shy about putting things out there and she may possibly see this but then again, if she was actually a good friend then I would probably feel the need to say this to her face so here goes...

She was dressed in a bikini with full make up on and posing with her chest sticking out and, frankly it looked almost kiddie pornographic. Then there was some comment by the mum about how she is 5 going on 15... well I have to tell you, Kids don't dress themselves, they may pick out their own clothes but someone has bought that for them! Then there's the make up... the kids certainly didn't do that herself by getting into mum's make up bag... Then you wonder why she's 5 going on 15 love!

There was also a photo of said kid surrounded by her Christmas presents this year... and I mean it when I say surrounded. I have another person in my life with a similar indulgent attitude to their child... I find it scary, this other persons kid only just turned 1 and has more than both my kids combined and then some. And all the toys are noisy and sing songs and have bells and whistles (that would ring and blow themselves... god forbid the kid would have to use its imagination!) I suspect these people maybe didn't have the greatest upbringing themselves and I acknowledge that it's wrong of me to judge... but I am! And I will! And my kids will get their Op Shop Bead frames and their craft supplies and their "no presents please" little birthday parties and their unisex jeans and Tshirts (and milkshakes instead of Bubba-chinos... but I've already gone there!!!) and then complain about their underprivileged upbringing and how come such and such got everything and I didn't...

I fully admit I am being judgmental, but it's all about believing in yourself and the way you choose to live your life. These people probably have similar rants to make about me and the way I bring up my kids too (I probably let them watch too much TV or let them use the computer too much... there's always something!!) Everyone to their own opinion... But mine is right... For ME!!!

(One of my...) Past Lives

2011-01-14T11:22:00.014+11:00

I Just listed my enlarger for sale on Ebay. I have been meaning to sell it for a couple of years, I haven't used it for at least 5 years, But it was still a really hard thing to do. I guess it's a real acknowledgement that that part of my life is truly over which brings up all sorts of emotions.

Sadness - That the first thing I ever really felt good at is not such a big part of my life anymore.

Bitterness - That I never really took it as far as I could go with it, you see I was on the verge of the digital age and I just never really made the changeover which rendered me virtually useless for any kind of commercial work.

Guilt - That I spent all this time and money what with three years at uni and all that and never did all that much with it.

A bit stupid - because I was young and arrogant and gonna do all this stuff and be a rich and famous Rock and Roll photographer!

Embarrassment - when ever anyone asks me if I'm still doing any photography and I have to admit all I do is take a few happy snaps on the Instamatic.

But also...

Kind of proud of some of the things I did do with it.

I put on this exhibition at the Malthouse in Melbourne then at Saffs Cafe in Castlemaine. I funded the whole thing myself and although I didn't actually sell anything (I did give a lot of them away though) I had heaps and heaps of positive feedback and it was kind a really cool final bow to my photography career!

There was also a few other uni exhibitions, this was from the catalogue of one...

This one was published in a magazine called "Works on Paper" but I cant remember what the details were surrounding it...

I contributed a lot to the youth magazine VoiceWorks, here's one of them...

This one also made into VW but they only print in black and white so it lost a fair bit in the translation, here's the original...

I cant remember what this one was published in but its one of my favourites (even if I'm not friends with the Girl in the Supermarket anymore!)...

These next few were in a short lived magazine called "Witchcraft" which brings up another of my past lives (later OK!)...

And this is one of the ones I'm most proud of, It was in BLUE magazine which was the queer spin off of Black&White magazine...

Last but not least, I had this one made into a postcard which I used instead of a business card, Ive still got about 500 of them if anyone wants one!!!

So there you go, here spells the end of an Era that probably really ended about 10 years ago anyway... hope you've enjoyed my dip into one of my past lives!

Love this Journal I saw at TYPO today...

2011-01-13T13:13:00.001+11:00

Space... the final frontier...

2011-01-12T10:06:00.003+11:00

I think what I am literally needing in my life is Virginia Woolfe's metaphorical Room of one's own... (or am I metaphorically craving the literal, not really sure anymore!)

I just don't get a lot of space anymore!

One of my happiest living spaces was my little flat overlooking Princess Park in North Carlton, it's the only time I've really lived on my own and I loved it!

Now I share a bedroom, I used to have the spare room where MY bed is to escape to when I needed a little space or couldn't sleep, now that Bubbaista's room (note to any overnight guests, your very welcome as long as you don't mind a roommate!), we have a study, which I thought I could have made mine is taken over by the boys ever expanding collection of hunting and camping equipment which cant possibly live in the shed! And anyone who has little kids will know that you cant even pop into the toilet for a little quiet time since little miss grew tall enough to reach the door handles!

And I no longer have nap times to look forward too either!

Maybe it's just this week because I've been sick and so going to bed super early I don't get that night time me time (and my pile of DVD's is growing too!).

I know that time flies and it wont be long till I'll be complaining and suffering from empty nest syndrome when my kids wont want to know me, but for now... maybe I'll have one more crack at cleaning the study up and maybe do a tape line down the middle... just half a room will do me!

New Years Resolutions...

2011-01-04T09:19:00.003+11:00

Here's my New Years Resolutions...

-Be more organised
-Get a new tattoo
-Eat well and exercise
-Move back to the country
-Get a new job (should be above the previous resolution
-Blog more (please note: it's already the 4th of Jan before I'm even posting my resolutions... not a great start!)

I was reading something recently about someone who felt that whatever you do on New Years Day would set the tone for the year... so it looks like this year will see me;

-grumpy from lack of sleep and a messy house
-doing housework
-getting frustrated with the kiddies and the boy
-grocery shopping
-not winning tatslotto
-watching crappy Hollywood movies

Happy 2011!

La La ink...

2010-12-28T20:40:00.002+11:00

I've been catching up on my LA Ink's... I don't have pay TV so rely on the DVD's from the library so do absolutely realise I am about 2 years behind the times on LA Ink gossip... well, get over it!

I am very disappointed by the turn the show has taken, I have just finished the Collection 7 DVD which I think is the series 3 or 4 maybe? Anyways they have got rid of Kim and my absolute favourite Hannah because apparently they were not popular enough and now its just a revolving soap opera of stupid shop politics and dumb shop assistants who they obviously only have for the drama and chicks with way scary make up! Instead of focusing on the clients and the reasons behind the tattoo's they choose... but of course being the hypocrite I am, I'm still completely addicted and just put in my purchase request for collection 8 which is released in a week!

I also broke my own rules and went and purchased a book instead of getting the library to get it for me (That's twice in the last month you know!!) and bought the Tattoo Chronicles just because I wanted to and now I'm more and more desperate for another tattoo and, um, yeah!

Good KK Score!

2010-12-24T09:23:00.005+11:00

I scored good with my Kris Kringle present this morning Whoever got me knows me well! But what they may not realise is that I am contemplating... well not contemplating, Planning a Library related tattoo for real!

It's been way too long, 8 years in fact since I have been tattooed and I think it would do wonders for my self esteem and make me feel like me again!!! Just waiting for an appointment now, but in the mean time, hoping someone will buy me this for Christmas...

It was twenty years ago today...

2010-12-23T21:45:00.000+11:00

That one of the most defining moments of my life happened.

I broke my Pelvis...

On a Flying Fox...

Two days before Christmas...

At my parents staff Christmas Party...

Talk about a pain in the arse... LITERALLY!

So here's what happened: My dad had built a flying fox, it was one that you sat in and for some reason, rather than the cage part being down the bottom of the run, someone had tied it to the top. So up the ladder I go, sit in the cage/seat thing, untie and I'm off... all I remember is looking back and seeing that the knot was going to get caught, next thing I'm on the ground. My friend went to get my mum and I was walked back up to the house. As I said, this was during my parents staff Christmas party so they took me upstairs to the bed until things settled down a bit. Everybody was relatively calm, including me! though we could tell that I had broken my arm there didn't really seem to be anything else majorly wrong, though i did have a bit of an ache in my hip. Even when I was taken into the hospital the doctor said " I can see that she's broken her arm but I think she's just bruised her hip or she would be in more pain, but I'd better X-ray it anyway." Turned out my Pelvis was broken in two places... kind of lucky she X-rayed it as an afterthought hey! So I had to spend 3 weeks in hospital, the first 10 days flat on my back not allowed to move. Not so great for a 15 year old, Christmas in hospital and my whole school holidays gone.

I had also organised to change schools at that time so I had to start a new school, on crutches, weird crutches too because of my broken arm and having no kind of plaster on my body I got many comments of "You don't need crutches for a broken arm you know..." and the like. That was a really hard time, it took me a good 6 months to find where I fitted in at that school and spent a lot of time on my own. Had my first kind of meltdown where I couldn't stop crying and had to call mum up by recess because I couldn't handle being there. 15 is a very fragile age and all of this did not make it easy to make friends and find where I fitted in, which I think was my motivator for changing schools in the first place, that searching for where I fitted. ( I don't think I ever actually found that until my twenties anyway! guess I was just in too much rush).

So I obviously have a high pain tolerance, I remember saying to mum when I found out about the Pelvis "I thought when you broke a bone you were automatically supposed to cry" as that had been my observation at school, even all the tough boys cried when they broke their arms! The doctor also said to mum when looking at my arm X-rays "she's broken this arm before, I can see a bend in the smaller bone (Ulna I think it is?) where its been broken before".. I don't ever remember breaking my arm!!! though its very possible, I was quite a climber!

I cant believe that was 20 years ago! I can remember a lot of it like yesterday! guess I'm getting old hey!

Left the building...

2010-12-19T07:43:00.004+11:00

Last night I watched Banksy's Exit through the gift shop, it was great, supposed to be a doco about this eccentric guy who was obsessed with filming street artists and eventually constructing this persona of "Mr. Brainwash" (Thierry) who becomes a "street artist" himself... More like Banksy's construct, his latest joke on the art world if you ask me! (I have found the word "Prankumentry" when doing my very detailed Internet searching over the last couple of minutes!) And if he did sell a million dollars worth of "Art" just by the construct of hype and and a factory style process of creating said Art then good on him, stick it to the man I say... Go Banksy!!

Rod Hadfield tries his best to take out the starter;-)

2010-12-18T21:04:00.000+11:00

Something else that really pisses me off...

2010-12-10T11:42:00.005+11:00

People who post those status updates on facebook that go something like...

October is cancer month. In memory of every cancer patient, family member and
friend who has lost their battle with cancer and in honor of those who continue to conquer it! Put this up for 1 hour if you love someone who has or had cancer.

And then there are the ones who try to get you to do it by inducing guilt...

Every person has 1000 wishes. A cancer patient only has one; to get better. I know that 97% of people will not post this as their status, but I hope that my friends will be one of the 3% who do ~ even for just one hour ~ in honour of those who never won the battle, and for those who are still fighting

Now I can imagine if I actually had cancer this would actually really piss me off... maybe you could give that person a ring or send them a message to let them know you are thinking of them? or maybe donate a couple of bucks to an organisation that actually does something about it?

Or this recent one...

Until December 7th change your profile picture to one of a cartoon character from your childhood and invite your friends to do the same. The objective of this is not to see any human face on facebook, but an invasion of memories for the fight against Violence to Children. Remember we were kids too...

I mean really, who the hell is that actually going to help? sure it might be a bit of fun but how is changing your profile picture in anyway going to fix anything? don't pretend your saving the world via facebook, because then you get this...

READ CAREFULLY! The group asking everyone to change their profile picture to their favorite cartoon character is actually a group of peadophiles doing it because kids will accept their friend request faster if they see a cartoon picture. It has NOTHING to do with ChildViolence/NCPCC. It was on a show that warns you about internet frauds PLEASE COPY AND PASTE THI

Well, people changing their picture to or from a cartoon character is not going to change or contribute to this either!!

But I did get a kick out of this one...

Copy this and put it in your status if you know someone or have heard of someone who knows someone. If you don't know anyone or even if you've just heard of someone who doesn't know anyone then do still copy this. It's important to spread the message... Oh, and the hearts! ♥♥♥♥♥♥ For...**** sake, don't forget the hearts! ♥♥♥♥♥♥

And have you ever noticed its always the same people who do this that send you those god damn annoying chain emails... forward this to 20 million of your friends in the next 5 minutes or something bad will happen sometime in your life, well guess what, I'd rather risk the bad luck than risk pissing off my friends!!!

Take note people!!

Battle of the planets...

2010-12-06T09:16:00.007+11:00

This was my favourite show as a kid! (I always thought it was called Gforce which could have been my memory or could have been just a different name it was televised under here.)

I so wanted to be princess... she rode a motorcycle and kicked arse! Now where are the role models like that for little girls these days hey!! (of course it may have actually been inappropriately violent too... but I've turned out OK... haven't I?!)

Sharpies...

2010-12-02T14:14:00.002+11:00

Just finished Rage: a sharpies journal by Julie Mac, Twas alright, but you know me, would prefer it was written as a memoir. I wonder why she decided to fictionalise her teen years? (she says that all the names and people are the same), maybe so she's got an escape clause or coz of all the illegal stuff they did! It's worth a read though if you've got a soft spot for the odd counter culture and always wanted to be part of a gang but never got the chance... The diary style kind of works too because although it can get to be a little tedious at times, well so can being a teenager and this book captures that mood nicely. I'm hoping I can get her to come speak at the library!!

P.S. Love the back cover quote; "it was a time when fighting, spewing, pashing, rooting, dodging the cops and stooging the ticket inspectors were all in a nights work..."

And while we're on the subject... or if you think I'm talking about texta's, enjoy this 1974 short film by Greg McAinish (Skyhooks.)

And here's another one from 2003 which I saw at ACMI a while back called Suburban Warriors by Rebecca McLean.

The Blackburn South Sharpes even have their own website... does anyone want to buy me one of their T shirts or Conny's for Christmas???

Tis the season...

2010-11-26T12:10:00.003+11:00

I think one of the things that really shits me about Christmas is just the mass expectation! I've never been a big fan but I'm starting to come round a little bit these days, maybe I'm just getting a bit soppy in my old age, or maybe having kids kind of makes it fun again... Or it could be that the year slips by so quickly at the moment and I am missing people birthdays left right and centre that I am starting to make a bigger deal out of Christmas.

But I am trying to make it a little more personal, making gifts and the like... Like these!

I got the Idea from the fabulous BUST magazine. and its so easy! A 1 Litre Jar, 1 1/3 cup of SR Flour, 1/2 cup brown sugar, 1/2 cup white sugar, 1 cup choc bits and 1 and a bit cups rolled oats (fill to the top of the jar) and download the instructions here...

Foxy lady...

2010-11-24T21:50:00.003+11:00

I made it into the wonderful Outre Gallery today for the final day of the exhibition celebrating the work and life of my favourite artist and one of my all time favourite people, Vali Myers. I chose not to got to the opening, too many hangers on and wannabes... I knew her well, but have many regrets that I didn't hang out with her more and passed up an offer to visit her valley in Italy. I got very emotional today, seeing her journals and jewellery on display and not on her. But it is lovely to see her recognised and the gallery is planning to bring out another book on her life next year so I cant wait!

It's been way too long...

2010-11-23T11:28:00.005+11:00

Well hey there, it's been a while!

Sorry about that, my brain, confidence and, hmmm, everyday functioning went into lock down mode for a while there... but I'm back and I'm feeling good, well most of the time and I guess that's all you can ask!!!

So lets see... what have I been doing (apart from having a meltdown and losing all perspective!!!)

Reading... Lots of "sequels" or follow-ups to thoroughly enjoyed books; Cleaving by Julie Powell, Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert, Booky wook 2 by Russell Brand and at the moment The Romantic by Kate Holden, which I am enjoying despite how clingy, insecure and needy she seems to be, but then I have also been a solo traveller in a strange land and understand the issues this can arouse (I just didn't have her talent for picking up guys I guess!!!).

Have also read some crap books (At home with the Templetons by Monica McInerny, I knew it wasn't going to be my thing when I read the words "family saga" on the back! But then again I only really read it because of the connection to the ol' home town (see previous post)). Then there was the self-published one that I bought off an acquaintance because I believe in supporting people in their artistic pursuits but, oh my god it was so self indulgent with sooo many mistakes and bad grammar and maybe I am not one to talk and maybe its just some cool writing technique like some sort of beat poet type thing and maybe I'm just not smart and cool enough to get and maybe... maybe its just bad... so no names mentioned there OK!

And then there was one BRILLIANT one! Armstead Maupin's Mary Anne in Autumn which I devoured in, I want to say one day but it was more like 26 hours!!! he did not disappoint, well no he did, because it had to finish!

Ive also seen some movies; Joan Rivers: a piece of work (best joke; on (whether men go for brains or beauty) "well I never heard of a man putting his hand up a girls skirt looking for a library card"!), Get him to the Greek (soooo much better than Forgetting Sarah Marshall though it did get a little tired by the end), The No. 1 ladies detective agency (well a T.V. Show I know but still great), Kick Ass (would have been crap if it wern't for Hit Girl, who can resist an 11 year old crime-fighting chick calling everyone 'motherfuckers' and 'cunts'), Eat, Pray, Love (Cheesy I know, but had to be done, and thoroughly enjoyable except for the fact that they do, literally ride off into the sunset!!!)

Sucked up to the lady who got my dream job (was thinking we would go for a coffee, come out of it best friends with her begging to be my mentor, instead, sat in the workroom chatting for 20 minutes with her promising to keep me in mind...). Worked a week of full time last week (loved it!!! loved being back at the old branch and feeling useful) which was great considering work is about the only place where I actually feel confident and in control at the moment!

And I've been "working on me"... ohhh how tacky does that sound!!! But I have, I've been seeing a psychologist and went back on some medication that I thought I didn't need anymore but turns out actually did help! and just trying to look after myself and stand up for myself more... and take myself out for lunch at The famous blue raincoat which always helps!!!

2010-11-04T19:32:00.002+11:00

James Freud died today.

Apparently he killed himself.

I feel so sad.

I always liked him and his music and only recently read both his books back to pack and was so pleased that he had seemed to have gotten himself together.

I feel awful for his wife who had stuck with him forever and seemed to be his rock.

And his kids too.

That's all.

Kitchy-stitches is the Bomb!

2010-10-07T16:10:00.007+11:00

I was browsing in the Ol' home town library recently when I came across this gem...

The Museum of kitchy-stitches: a gallery of notorious knits. My favourites included the 'Hamburgered sandwich pillow set', 'The human spirit' and 'I call them underwear'. The book is supposed to 'celebrate' the worst of knits... funny thing was I actually quite liked some of them and was disappointed the patterns were not included !!!

Check it out for yourselves at the stitchymcyarnpants website.

Not that I've been doing much knitting lately, Ive been working on a little stripey bag for way too long. But Yarn Bombing: the art of Crochet and Knit Graffiti may well inspire me to pick up the needles once more.

For those of you not familiar with the concept of Yarn bombing, I've included a few choice examples below... Enjoy!

I wanna go back to San Francisco...

2010-10-06T12:31:00.003+11:00

So I can follow the Tales of the City Map on Armistead Maupin's new Website!!!
But instead I'll just have to hold out until Nov. 2nd!

Balancing act

2010-10-06T12:08:00.004+11:00

I'm having one of those work/life balance dilemma's

I'm wondering how much I should give up career wise to get my family to where they need to be? There is another job going near where we want to move to but it would be a crap job. Bottom of the rung and I hate to say coz it makes me sound up myself but... very beneath me! BUT if it gets me in there and my family to where we want to go then shouldn't I bite the bullet and just suck it up? But I've worked hard to get where I am and do I really want to take another backwards step? To be honest it feels a bit of an insult and a slap in the face to have to apply for a band 3 position when I am qualified with really great experience. But then maybe I need to get in there so they can see all these things about me? I could hold out for something better, but what if something better dosen't come along?

What to do? What to do?

I mean... I'm not even a frickin' Libran!!!

What you come across when you can't sleep!

2010-10-04T01:03:00.003+11:00

I came across this little gem when unable to sleep tonight...

Monica McInerney has a new book out At home with the Templetons and it turns out it's set in the Ol' home town. Watch this clip of her walking around and discussing the town, then at 5min 39seconds in, there's one shot that's a little close to home!

Recent reads...

2010-09-29T13:11:00.006+10:00

A book has to be pretty bad for me to not finish it, or really long and I put it down thinking I will get back to it but it sits there for a year or I write down the page number and take it back to the library and then lose the bit of paper and never re-borrow the book...

Bill Bryson's At Home is probably going to join that category. I don't want to, it's not a bad book. And I generally enjoy his writing. The thing is it's kind of interesting but very, very long. It's about the finer history of everyday mundane things, and quite frankly there is a reason things are mundane... um, because they are! And besides, I don't see what the history of mice and other vermin has to do with the study and and the history of architecture to do with cellars and I think he's clutching at straws at times... Think I'm gonna have to give it up.

I've already read one book in between, Russell Brand's My Booky Wook. It's kind of funny, and very repulsive and I really just feel very sorry for him and hope that he has managed to stay sober and drug free since because he was was not an appealing person when on them (he's that appealing now either!). Not that I've actually seen much of his "work", more just know him by reputation and coz he's engaged to a perky songstress (me thinks publicity stunt for the both of them, but, whatever!). There are a lot of uncomfortable moments in the book, events that were obviously quite scarring but he glosses over with humour which I found quite sad. And besides, its not all that well written either.

After another chapter and a half of At Home I started Eat, Pray, Love. (It's not looking good for Mr. Bryson is it!) I want to avoid overly popular books, especially ones that appeal to women of a certain age, but the fact is there usually a reason why they are so popular and I want to stay in front of the film for once so I can be all superior and say"well it wasn't as good as the book..." Ive only go a few pages in but I like it, I like her casual style of writing and I also love it when women can admit that they just don't want to have children because its such a high expectation of society, even these days of apparent endless choices for women it's still a hard thing for a lot of women to admit, and is often viewed with either suspicion or sympathy... believe me ladies, this is not something you want to do half heartedly just coz someone thinks you should... and I would love the freedom to be travelling through Italy, India and Bali right now... Bugger, I just get to do it in my head and think about all the things I'm missing out on!

One last thing...

2010-09-29T08:03:00.005+10:00

OK so this is the last thing I will say on the matter as I have moved on and gotten over the disappointment... The disappointment about the job and the process involved that is, not the existential crisis the whole thing uncovered!!!)

I mean no disrespect, and I hope that I shall soon meet said woman and maybe even work with her and maybe even become her friend who knows. But I finally understand something about the whole generational divides in the workplace. I believe I might be first hand experiencing contentious issue of the Baby Boomers hanging around forever, not moving on, taking jobs that the good old generation Xer's are just not getting the chance to move into (until we're too old and the gen Y's just get them all handed to them like everything else apparently!).

As I was formulating these opinions in my, somewhat foggy brain of late, there was an article in one of the recent Incite magazines talking about the Baby Boomers and oh my god what are we going to do when they are all gone, blah blah blah. The article was talking about having to attract youngin's to the profession and starting at high school... hello, there are plenty of us young and no-longer-so-young (like me) people here already but it just feels like we are still not trusted!!! I mean I'm 35 years old not and feel like people still don't take me seriously!

My friend C reckons its more to do with the people getting the good, top jobs all being very VERY childless, and maybe that's got something to do with it too. And maybe that's a subconscious Baby Boomer woman trait too, even 30 years ago you either had kids or you didn't, and those women now are either still not sure we can combine the two as they either have no experience of it and are distrustful or bitter that they didn't get to start their careers until middle age and are going to hang onto it for dear life!!!

So anyways I'd like to remind you that the above opinions are totally off the cuff, un-researched, written out of bitterness and in the spirit of general ranting and likely to change tomorrow anyway!!!

Us poor gen Xers can be a bit of a negative lot! We've had a lot to deal with don't you know! We were the first generation brought up expected to live in a world better and have circumstances NOT than their parents grew up with. I also remember when I was at school in the time of the early 90's economic crisis. A time when trades and ACTUAL skills were deemed unimportant and "if you don't go to university you will never get a job" and "if you take a year off you will never go back to uni" and all that crap when probably the best thing I could ever have done would be to take a year off and work some crappy job that I ended up doing after uni anyway because I'd done some useless degree and just felt guilty about the amount of money it cost my parents when If I'd taken a year off I probably would have been able to get Austudy and anyway it wasn't until 10 years later that I figured out what I wanted to do anyways...

Alright so now I'm babbleing and getting all bitter and twisted and stuff so i'll be off! (but it is good to be blogging again!)

This blog aint goin' nowhere...

2010-09-19T12:27:00.002+10:00

Seems like this blog, which was supposed to be a bit of fun, has turned into a confessional of sorts... Not really what the intention was. I really wanted to it be a bit of a scrapbook, a few funny stories from the past, fun things I'd read and seen, things on my mind, that type of thing. I wanted it to show a little bit of who I am and how I got here.

Thing is I don't know who that person is now, and I'm not sure where I'm going and I can't seem to let go of the person I thought I should have been 10, 15 even 20 years ago, I cant seem to accept that I've changed and things change and that's OK!

Hang on a minute, I'm doing it again, I'm getting all down and dreary...

Think I may have to take a break for a bit and get my head together and come back to this when I've got some head space and some idea of what I'm doing... sorry folks, back soon!

I'm OK folks...

2010-09-15T20:25:00.005+10:00

I've had a few concerned readers of late... Folks, I am really OK!

I've been feeling down, and crazy, and upset, and rejected, and a bit sensitive and vulnerable but OK.

It's just that my head has been so full of fuzz for about the last 6 weeks or so and its only when I'm either really down or really happy I seem to write. I'm having a bit of an existential, whats it all mean, where do I fit in and what should I do crisis at the moment. I know where I want to end up, but there is a lot of work to be done to get there and as you well know plan A was foiled. I have faith in the universe that it will happen eventually, and it will happen when its meant to but unfortunately I am very impatient and always chasing the next thing without concentrating on the here and now.

Plan B...

2010-09-11T08:10:00.004+10:00

OK, seems its time to make a plan B...

I had figured out it was coming, the rejection letter that is, but no news being good news allowed me to keep that faint glimmer alive just that little bit. But it came yesterday. And it hurt.

I know it was wrong to pin my hopes on one thing, and to get myself so excited by something so out of my control. The realists in my life kept reminding me of that. And I tried so hard to not think about. And I guess the mental state that this situation got me into is maybe indication that it this job wouldn't have been a good idea. It would probably have been too much pressure. If the application process proved too much for my sometimes fragile emotional state to cope with what would the actual job do to me once I got in there and realised my expectations and reality were not on the same wavelength. I just really thought I was in with a chance there is all. The fact that I am qualified, experienced, full of ideas and have a solid connection to the area. I really thought I had everything they would be looking for.

But to not even get an interview is a pretty big slap in the face if you ask me!

And of course I had told everyone about it too!

I know that it cant have been anything personal if they haven't even met me! But that doesn't help me to not feel even a little bit rejected.

Fact is that work is about the only thing I am feeling any kind of confidence with at the moment. Its only place I feel like I am in control and I know what I'm doing.

I am feeling a little de ja vu here, same thing happened about 7 years ago. A company I'd already worked for, same role that I'd held overseas for said company, figured it was a given, but hey, at least I didn't have to wait four weeks with that one, I got the letter the day after the interview! It sure knocked my confidence for six, but then in the proceeding weeks I got 4 job offers out of 5 interviewed for, and ended up with a job so much better for me.

So I'm OK and at least I know where I stand now, it was the waiting I couldn't handle.

And if my past is any indication, something will come up soon and within 3-6 months I will have already moved a few rungs up the ladder!

To move my family back to the country and a more communal upbringing is what I so desperately want to do right now and I thought this was going to be it, so plan B awaits... stay tuned!

Bored...

2010-09-01T09:19:00.003+10:00

I have no shame in saying I am frickin' bored with my life...

As I spoon another mouthful into my child's mouth, I contemplate the tedium and isolation of the parent with young children... You hear about it, but you don't think its gonna happen to you. For some reason you think you will be immune and your experience will be somehow different. You know your supposed to appreciate every waking moment of your little miracles, but as you spoon another mouthful in, you cant help but remember when you had a brain AND had the opportunity to use it, for a time wen you were appreciated for more than providing 3 nutritious meals a day (most of the time) and keeping the floor vacuumed on a semi-regular basis.

And my partner thinks he's got it hard going out to work full time... I am ready to change places with him in a second!

If I have to pick up another toy or wash another dish or do another load of laundry or clean another bench I am gonna snap... not really but it feels like it somedays... and I'm beginning to do all sorts of stupid things and make all sorts of rookie mistakes, like showing up to work on the wrong day (maybe it was wishful thinking!) or the wrong library branch...

This is not me...

Please somebody get me out of this suburban hellhole...

Still waiting on the phone call about the job that could change things forever...