Miss Concept (ions)

Naomi Wolf's Misconceptions was beyond a doubt the best book I have read about Pregnancy, Childbirth and Motherhood. It's personal and political and spoke to me about exactly how I was feeling, making me feel not so alone, guilty or wrong for the mixed feelings I was going through. One of the things that bothered me most at that time was that no matter how equal you thought your relationship had been before, when the baby comes along that the stereotypical gender roles come to the forefront. I've ranted about all this before... even sung the praises of this book way back in (gosh so long ago) 2008, but in this interview she talks about another one of the things I related to about a woman coming home from major surgery after a Cesarean, its like sending a person who has just had major heart surgery home with this tiny dependent creature pretty much reliant on you. Even if you didn't have a Caesar, it's still a pretty massive physical thing your body has had to go through and women are so hard on themselves feeling they have to still be the be all end all to their families.

Societies conventions...

I am watching with some amusement the amount of people enquiring as to where my House Husband is working or what he is 'doing' now he has moved. I am yet to have anyone ask me, which is a bummer in itself because I am pretty goddamn proud of the job I've managed to get myself. People just don't seem to get that I am working and supporting the family and he is staying home, cooking, cleaning, getting the kids sorted etc. etc. One (quite old fashioned I will point out) mother of an old school friend even asked him "oh but you are looking arn't you?", she just couldn't fathom it. I bet he's even getting a few Synonyms of "Lazy" or "Useless" behind his back, yet no one would question if it were me staying at home eating bonbons on the couch in front of Days of our lives. It would be all these same people (if there are any, and yes I do have a few in mind) who are blubbering in there old age about not having spent enough time with their kids when they were little... Blah Blah Rant Rant...

Oh so many shades of wrong!

My new job see's me buying items for the Health Sciences faculty which brings me into contact with catalogues for midwifery teaching tools... a few of which I just had to share...

Strap on belly with insertable weights to replicate different stages of pregnancy...



Fetus doll with placenta...

And my absolute favourite, the breastfeeding handpuppet with bonus breast!...

Satans Claws...

I don't know how many times as a parent I have had to eat my pre-procreation-smug-filled words, but here we go again...

Anyone who knows me would have heard my Santa Rants... I mean, the guy is creepy "come sit on my lap little girl and tell me what you want", "It's lying to your'e children" "He makes the poor kids think they've been bad" blah blah blah...

So how come Christmas eve I find myself not only eating my words but half a carrot at the front door and scoffing down the milk and cookies left out for the fat man (well I should get SOMETHING out of it) and getting all swept away with it the next morning? and how can my heart not melt when Little Miss tells me that of her whole Christmas/Birthday three day extravaganza getting up to see that Santa had been and "I didn't even hear him..."

I love being a cynical bitch, but I forgot how much innocence can be too!

Mummy Manners...

I had higher expectations of this book... I used to love Elle McFeast and thought this would provide a bit of bitchy fun to get one through the fraught minefield that is the Mothers Group, Playground etiquette, Child's birthday parties and the like. But to be honest it gets a bit boring after the first 5 minutes. At first I liked the LCSH type subject headings but that too gets very boring and really just makes it look like she's trying to be too cleaver for her own good!

I just don't think it brings anything new to the table. And managed to piss me off... Inferring that a woman's greatest achievement will always be her kids, and that the other reason a woman would go back to work is financial. Goddess forbid she make like her own life, or her career may be also of importance, or daddy could stay home, or she may need to go out to work to keep her sane! And you can send your kids to childcare for reasons other than you have to go to work for financial reasons and NOT EVERYONE FEELS GUILTY ABOUT THAT! And maybe I'm just a bit tired and over sensitive and over analyzing what s supposed to be a comedy book!

Looky here!

Another Review!

P.S. issue #2 on childhood is done, trouble is I cant remember who I have and haven't posted it to yet!!! (FT work is killing the brain cells!) so if you get two, sorry, pass it on to someone! If you haven't got one in a week or so... tell me!
Love me.

Tis the little things...

I'm working full time at the moment... It's the first time in about 6 years and things are a little insane in my household to say the least, what with 2 kiddies, household renovations and the boy trying to get over his feelings of emasculation (is that even a word!) as I earn a (lot more) money than him and want him to go part time and take over the majority of the household chores. (this has been my dream for such a long time... it's part allergies to all kinds of domestic work and part revenge for the last 4 years!!!) I've just got to convince him it was his idea!!! (hey where would modern day relationships be without some form of subtle manipulation!) Not to mention how It's eating into my blogging time!

Anyways, I know it's maybe a little politically incorrect to say it, but I LOVE being back to full time, and now I've found out that I'm going to be doing it for another 5 months in a job I've been eyeing off since I started at the library so I'm feeling a bit smug and pleased with myself! It's hard and I'm exhausted but I've found a few ways to make it work;

Don't plan too much! My first weekend/Tuesday morning off I tried to cram sooo much in, bad move, was exhausted before I even got to work!

Get the kids to bed early! They are so exhausted from childcare anyways it's not too hard.

And/Or palming off the kids for a night/weekend... the trick is to show the G'ma's how this is more convenient for them as it saves them having to get up at 5.30am to be here fro babysitting days!

The Dishwasher! She has been in my life just shy of two months and I am in LOVE!

Fortnightly massages... oh this is bliss, I won't be able to continue it too much longer but it is getting my body back on track and giving me 1/2 hour of not having to think time!

Setting my alarm 20 mins early so I can sit in bed with my coffee and read instead of trying to do make up/get dressed/drive whilst scoffing it down (note to self: this only works on child free mornings!)

Other things that are making me happy at the moment include;

Packets of Zines coming in the mail that I'd forgotten I'd ordered!

Finishing Sticky's 168 challenge with minimal amount of stress!

Chatting to G online and realising that her idea of lovely spring weather in Edinburgh was the same temp as me winging about it becoming a cold winter here! I still miss Edinburgh though!

Meeting my newest little friend in a whirlwind of craziness... hope to get to know him in a calmer environment next time.

Naughty email chats to Best Friend C through work email... well she works in a library too, so it's work related!

Talking books in the car on the way to work!

Rampant Consumerism...

So I overheard something disturbing when dropping Little Miss off at Kinder yesterday...

"I caught him trying to slip his ipod into his kinder bag"

IPOD! KINDER BAG!?

What the fuck does a four year old need a fucking ipod for!!??

My friend C is a single mum. Her ex (who, mind you left her when she was 3 mo pregnant with their second child. Informs her later that he was planning to leave but wanted child 1 to have a sibling. Does this go to show the mentality we are dealing with here!?) Anyways, he come from a wealthy family (and has never had to lift a finger beyond menial jobs... anyway this is not about him) this is about the fact that the two kids, 5 and 7 both have fucking ipods for godsake.

IPODS! 5 & 7!?

So C says to me "how am I ever supposed to compete with that?" I said you don't compete. You keep going the complete opposite with op shop clothes and lots of love and a great role model who works hard and is making it on her own!

Go C... I loves ya!

Bored...

I have no shame in saying I am frickin' bored with my life...

As I spoon another mouthful into my child's mouth, I contemplate the tedium and isolation of the parent with young children... You hear about it, but you don't think its gonna happen to you. For some reason you think you will be immune and your experience will be somehow different. You know your supposed to appreciate every waking moment of your little miracles, but as you spoon another mouthful in, you cant help but remember when you had a brain AND had the opportunity to use it, for a time wen you were appreciated for more than providing 3 nutritious meals a day (most of the time) and keeping the floor vacuumed on a semi-regular basis.

And my partner thinks he's got it hard going out to work full time... I am ready to change places with him in a second!

If I have to pick up another toy or wash another dish or do another load of laundry or clean another bench I am gonna snap... not really but it feels like it somedays... and I'm beginning to do all sorts of stupid things and make all sorts of rookie mistakes, like showing up to work on the wrong day (maybe it was wishful thinking!) or the wrong library branch...

This is not me...

Please somebody get me out of this suburban hellhole...

Still waiting on the phone call about the job that could change things forever...

Oh the joys...

Its kind of ironic I guess, the week that I am reading Toddler Taming and we are in the midst of mega-tantrum mode!

If I wanted to anlyise it I guess I would say;

• I am being punished for leaving her at Grammy’s for a few days (although she loves it there)


• She can sense that in a few weeks her world is going to be turned upside down with the arrival of a new little person in the house


• That my fuse is shorter than normal what with not being able to sleep and just generally tired and cranky...

but I think the answer is that she is just testing things out, maybe is not feeling herself and just a normal toddler! The Toddler Taming book is actually helping me just to feel like a normal parent and reassures me that I am doing a good job...

Of course this is what little miss thinks of it!!!! (Don't tell the library!)

Why I think Bubba-chino's are ridiculous...

OK, off on a Rant now...

I remember the first time I heard of a Bubba-chino, I was working in a cafe and someone ordered one and I had to ask them what it was...

"An Espresso cup with some foam and chocolate on top so the child can feel involved."

I looked at them with a look that I hope said what I didn't actually say out loud;

"Are you serious?"

JA and I went out for a fancy pants Devonshire tea today... (oh posh!) and on the next table were a family with two small children. The two year old was not concentrating on his Bubba-chino (in fact I think he and Little Miss were having some kind of secret toddler language thing going on) and spilled it, on himself, Hot Milk. Who the hell gives a two year old a hot drink??? This is after Little Miss had spilled her (Cold) milk three times and this was after the waiter had had the good sense to put it in a paper take-away cup with a lid on!

Get it people... Kids don't need to drink substitute coffee to feel included!!! Give them a Kids drink and if you want them to feel included... Talk to them!!!

Mind you they were probably thinking I was a bad Mum when Little Miss got her hands on the Jam and Cream pots and started eating them straight...

Bubba-ista

We have an in-utero name! Little Miss has finally understood the concept that she is going to have a "Brother or Sister" but it comes out "Bubba-ista".


We hadn't come up with a name last time, but Anouk's was "Wibbler" which came about one morning when the Boy and I were laying in bed and, do you ever have your words mash together like when your thinking about two different words at the same time and they kind of come out together? Well I went to say it's "Wiggling" and also it's "Wobbling" and it came out "Wibbling" so form that point on she was "Wibbler". It actually took us a long time after she was born to break the habit. We were actually starting to get a little concerned that she wouldn't learn her own real name!

Well we all know that Spit Happens...

Oh so tired...

I am feeling constantly tired at the moment, not surprising really, I mean, I'm growing a whole nother human being inside me!


Yep that's right folks, for those who don't know, that belly is not just from too much chocolate, but rather... here we go again!


Something never felt right last time. For a start the pregnancy didn't show up on the tests for a start, even through I knew I was. Then there were problems with the blood test, and I remember at this stage (11/12 weeks, I'm not really keeping good track!) last time feeling really down and just like crap all the time. I felt paranoid all the time and put that down to that being a planned pregnancy, where as with little miss who wasn't planned I was so relaxed and chilled out.


So lets see how things go this time around, I'm feeling very positive about it all, and am trying to remain relaxed.

Things I know to be true about being a parent...

The Myer toy catalogue provides just as much entertainment as any of the toys in it.


A little bit of TV/Naughty food/being put into the cot for half an hour will not do any harm... you going insane will!


Its a hard job, everyone feels the need to tell you so when your pregnant, but they forget to tell you how much fun it is too!


You have to look at things from their perspective.


They don't need the latest wizzbangwhatsit to be happy, a box or a bit of paper does the trick!


Grandparents/Babysitters/Childcare are wonderful and certainly nothing to ever feel guilty about!


You can always take the batteries out!



The best thing I ever did for Little Miss' relationship with her daddy was to go back to work, It forced him to have to do stuff!


The best thing to do when they have a tanty is walk away.




They will never stave, sure it's frustrating when they wont eat, but they will get hungry eventually.


Kids don't care if their clothes came from the Op Shop, Big W or Pumpkin Patch, they all get dirty the same way.



Yeah sure Breastfeeding is probably the ideal, but a stressed out mum on the edge is not, the best thing you can do for your kids is just the best you can do.



They are pretty hard to break.



Routine may have their place, but kiddies also need to be adaptable.

Instincts are amazing things.

Its not only little boys who wee on their mummies, or poo on them for that matter!

It can't be all bad if I'm going back for a second... or third time... however you want to look at it!

On turning our little girls into sluts...

In the words of one two year old Dora-lover... "Whats this?"
Seems Nickelodeon and Mattel decided that Dora the Explorer needs sexing up.
This shits me, I mean she's about the only positive role model for little girls out there at the moment... whats wrong with being a little dumpy with a pot belly? I mean the girl is multi-lingual and has a monkey for a pet... what more does a girl need? certainly not an iphone when your backpack can talk to you!!!
Why do people feel the need to turn every little girl into a slut? have you had a look in the girls section of any store lately... no wonder I head straight for the boys section of my local op-shop!

A lovely couple of days...

I have had a lovely couple of days that have involved some of my favourite people...

Friday I spent a lovely day with Miss J and her little man, we went to Werribee zoo and hung out with the meerkats and lots of other good stuff. Miss J is going through a bit of a tough time with her little man, just the usual new mother major adjustment stuff but Miss J is very hard on herself. I hope I am helping her with my regular pep talks and Safeway chickens, but she seems to have this idea that I just breezed through motherhood making it look easy which makes me feel bad (and was certainly not the case... I have a lot of stories I could tell there, but they would make me look REALLY bad and probably have me committed!) I think the one emotion that new mothers are just not prepared for is Guilt. No matter what you do, some book, midwife or random stranger on the street is going to have an opinion on the matter! Poor Miss J, I hope she gets through this bad patch. The thing is no matter how much you read or have friends or whatever, I don't think anything really prepares you for how overwhelming everything about being a new parent is.

Yesterday I saw G for the first time in 2 1/2 years. G has been a big part of my life and one of my bestest Ladies for about 8 years. We travelled together and have always been a big support to each other. G lives overseas now with her French hubby (Oh la la!) and hadn't even met Little Miss until yesterday! She hasn't changed (I don't know why you think people will have!) and made me realise how I really really miss her! I hope I have the chance to see her again while she's in town.

I am reading the cutest little book at the moment called Pop goes the weasel which chases the history of Nursery Rhymes. For example did you know that Humpty Dumpty was actually a cannon used by the royalist forces during the English Civil War of 1642-1651? He only got turned into an egg by John Tenniel the illustrator of Alice in Wonderland!