Thank you

Just wanted to say thanks for the lovely words, flowers, food, phone calls, messages. Just everything.
Everyone says, including me, that they don't know what to do or say, and it's true, there is not much anyone can say, I guess that's why I felt the need to put it out there, as good as talking about it is, repeating it over and over is hard. I don't know if I would call it brave to write it all down, but I've always been pretty open with things, and it may sound silly but hopefully it might help others who find it difficult to open up.
I am thinking about going in to work tomorrow for a bit of a social visit but I'm really quite nervous about it. I know that emotional flood is going to hit, not looking forward to that, but I need to get back out into the real world sometime, trouble is the real world is looking a little daunting right now.
So I might see some of you tomorrow, or I might chicken out. And if I do see you tomorrow I might cry... well you'll just have to live with that!
Mind you, if I do come in I will be armed with cupcakes!!

:-(

I feel I should write something, it will probably do me good and be cathartic and all that stuff.

So here goes;

I had an appointment on Thursday with my obstetrician, just routine. All seemed fine, I asked when we do that thing where we listen to the heartbeat, he said probably next month and have I been feeling movement every day, I said No not everyday. he put me up on the bed to have a listen, couldn't find anything, took me down to the childbirth centre to try the bigger monitor, still couldn't find anything, got me in for an ultrasound, when the operator said "I'm just going to get my supervisor coz I'm new and just learning." that's when I knew something was wrong.

No Heartbeat.

I was in shock, the doctor was even more shocked, you see I'd had an inkling something was wrong, but of course I pushed it to the back of my mind. I had said to my partner last week that I wasn't feeling much movement and he said not to worry and everything was fine etc. Ive also been completely paranoid about this whole pregnancy, but again, just tried not to think about that. I figured it was because this one was planned and Anouk wasn't.

I was checked into hospital that night, given tablets to induce labour and just had to wait. I was lucky to have a double room so my partner could stay with me the whole time.

It was tough, childbirth is tough, but knowing the outcome in this situation, kind of almost unbearable. Bring on the drugs I say, I could have anything I wanted!

I chose to see the baby afterwards, My partner didn't want to and I respect that. it was hard but I think it will help, they also gave me some photo's which really don't do him justice, and some hand and foot prints which are just precious.

The doctor, and me want a full post mortem done to try to find out what went wrong, but from seeing him it looks like he got his cord twisted up, that simple, just got a bit overactive one day and cut off his blood supply.


I am home now and attempting to move on, Everything has changed now. Some parts of my life seem clearer and some not. I am riding from one crazy emotion to the next, and have the physical stuff to deal with too. In fact I think that has been the hardest so far, I'm still waiting for the emotional stuff to really kick in, I mean, if you told me this, the whole pregnancy etc. was a dream, I would believe you.

Signing off now, There is more to say, but it has helped writing this down (over a couple of days mind you!) I know its going to be a hard road ahead, but I am taking care of myself and my partner and I are taking care of each other. He's been really good to me and I feel awful that I have been such a bitch to him lately. I hope this will bring us closer together. Anouk has been the best to have around. I don't think she has a lot of idea whats going/gone on. I am just so glad that this has happened on my second pregnancy. besides, you have to get out of bed when a toddler is relying on you.

Hot Rods and Libraries?

Well looky there, I pulled it off!

What started as a tongue in cheek comment, teaches me I should keep my mouth shut really!!!

My Hot Rod Event was a success, 60 people came, 10+ Rods in the Senior Cits carpark (no reflection on those that drive Hot Rods intended!), and I loved the fact that one of the first comments received was from a guy who had first discovered his love of cars in the Altona library!!!

Now for the shameless self promotion!!

Last week I read...

I have got a bit slack on keeping up with my book posts... maybe it's a sign that I am reading too much, no it's a sign that I am wasting too much time on boring stuff like living and not enough time publishing posts on my blog!

The F word: how we learned to swear by feminism by Jane Caro and Catherine Fox. It was OK, nothing revolutionary or new, but if it gets one new Chicky babe reading about feminism than it has done it's job!

It's a mostly personal account of two women who have successfully juggled careers and families while trying to stay true to their feminist principle, something which is really hard I have to admit. I can't believe how the stereotypical gender roles play out once the little bundle of joy comes along! Jane and Catherine are very open with the fact that they are living middle class lives in a privileged time for women. The groundwork has been layed by the two previous waves of feminism, and women have got to keep this momentum flowing, creating a world, not just of equality, but of balance and choices too. There is also much discussion of the whole raunch culture thing that is going on at the moment, something I am divided on, one one side, I like that women are taking over control of highly sexualised images, and I have always wanted to take pole dancing classes. But I also hate the sexualisation of the tween set and think people like Paris Hilton are just completely useless, I mean what has she actually done? anyways, that's a discussion for later.

I also started Halloween: from Pagan festival to party night but decided to abandon that one half way through the first chapter, something I hardly ever do but it was too cold and academic and given the fact that I have 10 other books sitting beside my bed waiting to be read, thought it wasn't worth it!

I just started Why we buy: the science of shopping which i am finding very interesting coming from a retail background and having had much discussion of this type of environment around the library recently.

I have also been put onto the show LAink which I am loving... I want Kat Von D to do my next tattoo!

H is for Hormones...

Hormones... Those fabulous unseen but much felt things that make the world go round, and round, and round, and....
Pregnancy hormones are the worst, just ask my partner!
I blame the fact that I am having a boy and have all this testosterone going around in my system. Of course this doesn't make me any better at stereotypically boy activities... my latest hissy fit involved a lawnmower that I couldn't start!
Just about anything can set me off at the moment, random crying at doggies on the telly, sobbing during the Sex and the City movie, and I watched Juno the other day and you should have seen me in the birth scene... not to mention the now infamous plate throwing incident... pretty tame actually when you consider I only threw it in the sink and not at the boy's head!

Librarything

I have been playing with Librarything, It's pissing me off!

I like Shelfari better, it's easier to use.

I tried to do my top 5 books to co-inside with this weeks happenings at work.

It didn't work how I wanted it to,

I am giving up on it now.

In case of emergency...

No need to break the glass, just break out a mug!
You can even use Milo if your really stuck!

5 Minute Chocolate Mug Cake

you’ll need....
4 Tablespoons cake flour
4 Tablespoons sugar
2 Tablespoons cocoa
1 Egg
3 Tablespoons milk
3 Tablespoons oil
3 Tablespoons chocolate drops (optional)
1 Mug

Here’s what you do....

Add dry ingredients to the mug, and mix well.
Crack an egg and add it to your mug. Be sure to mix it
well to avoid any pockets of flour in the corners.
Pour in the milk and oil and mix well.
Add the chocolate drops if you’ve got them, and a splash
of vanilla essence too.
Pop your mug into the microwave & zap for 3 minutes on
maximum power (1000watt).
Wait until the cake stops rising, and sets in the mug.
If necessary, run a knife around the sides of the mug, and
tip the still warm cake out of the mug and onto a saucer.

Sit back and enjoy with a coffee - you deserve it!

Cups...

This week I have been reading...

Cups with no handles, a memoir of Bette Boyanton, Social Activist and interesting woman,
a country lady who with such a simple idea changed peoples lives. Bette grew up in an extremely poor family living through WW2 and the depression in Melbourne and fought against the odds to come through. She was one of the founders of the community house movement and a livelong anti-war activist.

Initially I was attracted to the blurb on the back, but this was really not representative of the story. The other thing that confused my was that I thought a Memoir was supposed to be autobiographical. Carolyn Landon wrote this book, but is using Bette's voice, which I found a little bit annoying at the start, but soon got over it.

The Cups with no handles refers to her poor childhood and always having to drink from broken cups.

I would recommend this book, it's good.

Just in case you needed proof...

I list my music taste as "unashamedly daggy".

These are the songs that played on my iPod on my way home from work tonight;

To sir with love - Lulu
Venus - Shocking Blue
Physical - Olivia Newton-John
Freedom - Wham!
Heartbreaker - Dionne Warwick
Turning Japanese - The Vapors

I am not ashamed!!!

More in the chicks I think are great series

Tori don't compare me with Kate Bush Amos

Anyone who calls their greatest hits Tales of a librarian and catalogues all of the songs under their Dewey number is ace in my book!

I am almost finished reading what has to be the most bizarre, yet totally enjoyable autobiography ever. Piece by piece covers most aspects of her life, along with lots of other random ramblings about religion, spirituality and life in general. But it's great! Kind of lucky I already know a bit about her and have read widely on the stuff she is going on about, because otherwise I would be completely lost!!

I have to admit I haven't kept up with the later few albums of hers, But my favourite of her songs is defiantly Tear in your hand off her first album Little earthquakes.

She's a kooky one, but I love her!!!

Welcome to my nightmare!

I have the perfect nuclear family,

I have a house in the suburbs and a respectable job,

This is not the life I signed up for!!! I want a refund!!!!

Somebody slap me and wake me up from this nightmare!!!

This week I have been watching...

Secret diary of a Call girl with Billie Piper which is apparently based on the Belle De Jour "memoir". Yes although I have atrocious spelling and grammar, I did mean to write "memoir", maybe it should even be "memoir". You see, although it was an OK book, I think it is most definitely fiction and not be at all surprised if I found out it was actually written by a man. despite this, I have requested my library purchase Further adventures of a London Call girl, this may make me a hypocrite... But I do love a good trashy read.

But back to the T.V. show (which I bought on DVD because 10.30 is way past my bedtime at the moment!!!). When it says based on, it could also say "loosely suggested by" as it doesn't bare a lot of resemblance to the book beyond the first episode. But I have to say, I am liking it, I like how it's constructed and how it shows a duality between the character of Belle/Hannah (something you don't get in the book) and well, sometimes it's just plain saucy... It's probably the closest thing for me to replace Sex and the City. And yes you do get to see Billie Pipers tit's, they are quite small...

RSSSSSSSsssssss........

Today I have been working on the webolution task 4, learning about RSS feeds and creating a bloglines account.

I didn't realise I would have to concentrate so much and had to turn the music off and everything! Lucky I picked a child care day to have a go at it!!!

My problem is I am too impatient and don't read the instructions as I go, more just go ahead and do it then go back to the instructions to figure out why it didn't work!

Anyways, so far I have subscribed to Jo and Lea's blogs, another library blog that I accidentally added because it had a similar URL to Jo's. Rolling Stone, The Age, Library Stuff and Readers Club biographies.There were also a couple of others that I tried to subscribe to and it told me I already had but do you think I could find them???!!!

I am not sure if this is something I will use, but I can see how some people might, but I will go back to it and have another look when my headache has subsided.

Elvis Poll

So I put a new poll up but couldn't attach the photo's to it.

Your Choices are...

a) 50's too hot for Ed Sullivan Elvis





b) '68 comeback special all in leather Elvis




c) Pleasantly plump 70's Jumpsuit Elvis

Cruizin in the Library

Yes there is a reason I have called myself the Hot Rod Librarian!

Come along Tuesday 11th November, 7pm at the Altona Library!!

HTML ZZZZ

Looky what I did, I made it go all big!!!

I have been trying to work out for ages how to make my blog go full page instead of a crappy little column in the middle of the screen, and it turns out that having a vague knowledge of what HTML is and does has finally come in handy, it didn't mean I worked it out for myself, just that I didn't find all scary while I was doing it!!

I found the answer on this website:
http://betabloggerfordummies.blogspot.com/2006/10/how-to-change-width-of-blog.html
Which other webolutionary types might also find useful

Of course its made that travel post that I took so long arranging go all weird now, but I cant be bothered doing anything about that right now!

I also, thanks to Jo, have created a blog list to make it easier for me to follow other peoples blogs, its under my bookshelf thing on my sidebar.

Now I just need to figure out how to put a counter on it so I can see if anyone is actually looking at it! (or you could just write a comment and say Hi!!!

Librarian weddings

I found this great post on Scott Douglas's blog. Scott wrote Dispatches from a Public Librarian, a fun book about his life and times at the Anaheim Library. But Scott was very heavy on the footnoting which was quite unnecessary if you ask me. I'm being picky now!!!

You have to check this out though:

http://speakquietly.blogspot.com/2008/02/library-themed-wedding.html

Coming out of the chicklit closet

This week I'm reading...

Chasing Harry Winston by Lauren Weisberger.

Why do I keep doing this to myself? For someone who claims to read mostly non-fiction, I certainly read an exorbitantly high proportion of 'chicklit'. Yet like 95% of the fiction I have read, this one has left me unfulfilled.

I enjoyed The devil wears Prada, probably because, for once it wasn't centred around romantic relationships and was not all rosy and happy. I don't mind the occasional good trashy read, but this one... oh please... the characters are boring and the lifestyles unrealistic, its like she watched one too many episodes of Sex and the city, but forgot about the comedy! (by the way I love S+TC and that was not meant to sound like I was trashing it!)

I even managed to find several mistakes in it, (which for someone with spelling as atrocious as mine is really saying something!) the most offensive of which, "Shirley Basset" oh my god... it makes Shirley Bassey sound like a dog!!!

I don't recommend this book!

Warning... offensive material (if your a complete prude that is!)

Check this out!

I saw them yesterday, the ultimate iPod accessory!!!!

http://www.ohmibod.com/

Yes that's right, it's a vibrator that you plug into your iPod and it vibes in time with the music!!!!

T is for Travel

I have been to 18 countries (not counting Australia!)

Fiji

UK

France

Ireland

Netherlands

USA

New Zealand

Japan

Mexico

Jamaica

Barbados

Turkey

Russia

Belgium

Germany

Czech Republic

Austria

Italy

Photo's all with courtesy of Flickr and the Webolution learning objective #3!

I had this great idea to put these photo's I found into a map, easy enough to do in the Organisr part of Flickr, but I couldn't upload it onto my blog, which was the whole point of this post!
Flickr seems easy enough to use, but trying to arrange multiple photo's in a blog post is not fun! I kept unwittingly deleting and had to constantly rearrange them, They are still not how I really wanted them but I am about to throw the computer out the window so you will have to put up with it!!!