I'd like to take a moment to apologise for the last tyraid of, well anger, that flowed from my keyboard earlier today. Not quite sure whats got into me at the moment... but it did actually feel really good to get it out there!
I just feel so discontented with my life at the moment, I feel like I'm stuck in a deep, deep rut and although I can see ways out, it's all a waiting game and I just wish something would hurry up and goddamn happen!!!
And maybe 35 is the new 30, or maybe I'm just 5 years behind the eight ball which wouldn't surprise me, I used to have a pretty good handle on what was going on in the world but feel like it's all passing me by, everything interesting has been and gone and revitalised again before I catch on these days! What I'm trying to say is maybe its the mid-life (third-life?) existential crisis I was supposed to have 5 years ago finally catching up with me.
Or maybe I'm just over the repetitiveness of life as the prefect housewife of the prefect nuclear family in the fucking suburbs!!! I thought I was going to be someone great, someone really special. I thought I'd end up with a guy who worshiped me. I thought I would be someone people admired and looked up too. Now I just feel like the most boring person in the world!
Now all I want is to move back to the country and be a hippie! I want to grow veggies and have chooks, pigs and goats. I want some space and privacy. I don't want to be able to hear my neighbors fighting or hoons screeching round the corner at all hours... I want some peace and quiet!
Problem being that these days we've got all these responsibilities we have to think about. Kids, Mortgages, half finished fucking bathrooms... seems like getting back to the simple life ain't gonna be so simple!
Eclipse 2024 in Vermont
3 weeks ago
2 comments:
i totally understand what ur saying ali and i can really relate (if thats of any comfort - ur not alone)i read a saying the other day which i really liked "nothing that you do matters; what matters is what you do about that". ur a wonderful mommy with beautiful bright girls and im sure ur a great "housewife" too but thats not what i first saw in u. i saw ur sparkly smart eyes and infectious smile and your infinite patience and ability to help others. ur a great PERSON, no matter where life takes u :)
(now can i pls have my real chocolate brownie?) .MM.
Hi sweetie, if it helps: we all feel that way sometimes! You've done some amazing things already, your travels, the sights you've seen and the friends you made. You've touched more people then you realise!
But settling down and actually getting a "normal" life is a wee bit different, and can seem boring/ repetetive.
Hey, it's taking me almost 3 years to getting used to being back home again and not feeling as a failure that we came back and lusting for the freedom we left behind (for some reason all the hardships we had to endure there seem to be forgotten). But getting some time to settle into a quieter pace and doing some different things (and enjoying them) seem to help. So easy to just run around and do all that needs to be done every day. I found that these two weeks holiday at home were good for all of us just to quiet down a wee bit and spend more quality time together, and make small plans of things to do together (go to movies, shows, days out etc).
Village life is nicer i agree, but sometimes things to happen when you want them and it;'s nice to enjoy the life inbetween as well.
And do you really want to be high on a peddestal? The love and admiration is there eventhough maybe some don't show it that often.
After travelling far & wide you must admit to yourself: have you EVER met anyone who's perfect? They all have their little flaws (luckily).
But i totally understand how you feel and it's hard, sometimes it seems to take forever b4 that feeling goes away. Thinking of u my friend, lots of love & kisses xxx
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