Satans Claws...

I don't know how many times as a parent I have had to eat my pre-procreation-smug-filled words, but here we go again...

Anyone who knows me would have heard my Santa Rants... I mean, the guy is creepy "come sit on my lap little girl and tell me what you want", "It's lying to your'e children" "He makes the poor kids think they've been bad" blah blah blah...

So how come Christmas eve I find myself not only eating my words but half a carrot at the front door and scoffing down the milk and cookies left out for the fat man (well I should get SOMETHING out of it) and getting all swept away with it the next morning? and how can my heart not melt when Little Miss tells me that of her whole Christmas/Birthday three day extravaganza getting up to see that Santa had been and "I didn't even hear him..."

I love being a cynical bitch, but I forgot how much innocence can be too!

New Favorite Librarian

I've been meaning to upload this for ages, turns out one of my favorite VRDL Roller Derby stars is also a librarian!!! WooHoo... now if only I could find out what school Lucky day 24/7 works at and I'd know where to send Little Miss next year!!!

Don't drink and blog...

Howdy folks, Long time no see...

So here's the update... finished the full-time 'I'm the Boss and a superwoman and I can do it all' job that nearly killed me and caused one major meltdown (as well as a few minor ones) but I got through it and almost cried when I finished and one dashing (not so) young man hugged me and told me I was the best boss he ever had! It wasn't the full time that did it, it was the role itself and I am not ashamed to admit it, it was too much for me! So confirmed when the person who's role it actually is said to me "you know I was actually quite surprised when you applied for it given that I know how much of my work/life balance is made up of work (do I need to point out here that this person DOES NOT have 2 small children??) But I made it through even though it was touch and go there at one stage (see above: meltdown) but hey... three days of not being able to get out of bed and a rather convenient excuse with a flu already going around work and no-one was the wiser!

So here's what I learned from the experience...

-G has had some really crappy bosses in his time if I am the best he's ever had!

-I CAN work at that kind of level but I do not WANT to work at that level!

- I've had too much to drink tonight to think of anymore

Here's what happened next...

I went from being a Full-Time working mum to a Full-Time single mum which is making me question which are the more immature to deal with?

Seriously.

Anyways, for the past two years it has been talked about, and even when I follow through with someone else's idea I am still the bad guy! I decided that something needed to happen so I just made it happen so here I am. And in the words of the great Barbra Feldon (that's 99 folks), Living alone (all be it with two small children) and loving it! I've moved back to the Ol' home town in order for Little Miss to start school here next year. Everything's gone and turned upside down and not everyone is coming along for the ride but I am at the point where I really couldn't give a shit, I am looking after myself and my kiddies and if anyone else wants a part of that, well they better get proving it quick smart!! For the past, well I guess 6 1/2 years since I moved out maybe, I've missed that feeling I had when I lived on my own for the only time in my life in the funkiest little apartment in Nth Carlton that was ALL mine, well guess what folks, I am back in control and it feels soooooo good. The going back to full-time mum bit I will admit it VERY tough, but I'm getting through and biding my time until I get the balance back, it's all good... as is Wild Turkey Honey Liquor... nighty night!

Celebrities in Williamstown...

Well I guess when the Banner says "you belong @ HBL" I don't really have much chance of getting a job anywhere else hey!?

Another Day, Another Rant...

OK so we had a 4 year old birthday party on Saturday. It was at Macca's, which I don't have any moral or big corporate evil giant objection too... in fact I've been known to have the occasional indulge... and they've got free wifi too!

Anyways back to my story...

My Rant is not about the venue, but about the choices some people make, or perhaps they are not making a choice and that's the problem.

Little Miss was sitting next to birthday girl when the happy meals were served. She spied Little Misses Apple Juice...

Birthday Girl: "I want some of *****'s Drink"

Birthday Girls Mum: "No ****, Your having Coke"

BG: "But I don't want Coke, I want Apple Juice"

BGM: "No, your having Coke!"

Now, once again, No objection to Coke itself, In fact, once again, I don't mind the occasional tipple myself. I have no big corporate giant Hijacked Santa kind of objection to Coke. I JUST DON'T THINK ITS VERY GOOD FOR LITTLE KIDS!

If your kid wants fruit juice why are you forcing carbonated, caffeine filled, sugar laden, has no kind of natural taste what-so-ever? I'm also not under any illusion that the Apple Juice itself has any less sugar than the Coke, but at least its kind of got some sort of recognisable taste and maybe some hint of nutritional value hidden in there somewhere.

I would never say anything at the party to the other parents but I got all smug and proud of Little Miss when she didn't want any of birthday Girls drink coz it was yucky! Yay you! Yep, won't say anything but will get all ranty about it later! Hypocritical yes, Smug yes, Superior... I don't think I am by any means, but like I said before, of course I think my parenting choices are superior to others or I wouldn't be doing it that way!

Rampant Consumerism...

So I overheard something disturbing when dropping Little Miss off at Kinder yesterday...

"I caught him trying to slip his ipod into his kinder bag"

IPOD! KINDER BAG!?

What the fuck does a four year old need a fucking ipod for!!??

My friend C is a single mum. Her ex (who, mind you left her when she was 3 mo pregnant with their second child. Informs her later that he was planning to leave but wanted child 1 to have a sibling. Does this go to show the mentality we are dealing with here!?) Anyways, he come from a wealthy family (and has never had to lift a finger beyond menial jobs... anyway this is not about him) this is about the fact that the two kids, 5 and 7 both have fucking ipods for godsake.

IPODS! 5 & 7!?

So C says to me "how am I ever supposed to compete with that?" I said you don't compete. You keep going the complete opposite with op shop clothes and lots of love and a great role model who works hard and is making it on her own!

Go C... I loves ya!

Tantrums...

Tantrums are exhausting all round! Well except for Bubba-ista who just watched and took the whole thing all in... storing all the ideas in the memory bank for later!!

It was all about clothes, as it usually is with 4 year old girls... Ive tried to bring up a child immune to this crap but it seems its bigger than me! She chose a Summery (read-Slutty!) dress, and although it was mutually agreed upon to wear a Tshirt with it, the problem arose when she wanted to wear the Tshirt underneath and I had said it would go over the top... it's not a big deal I know and to be honest I don't really care, except that I had said that's what we were doing. Its a 15 min walk to childcare, usually a pleasant walk but with a soundtrack of "I wanna see the whole thing..." over and over in THAT voice, and when that didn't work she thought maybe "I don't want the Tshirt..." might change things. I remained strong and clam (on the outside anyways!) and just ignored, but it's so hard, inside I was seething and just wanted to shout at the little brat. And that's the thing, shes not a little brat!

It's 9.30 and I'm already exhausted! Thank the goddess for childcare and a day with just Bubba-ista whose tantrums I'm still able to laugh at and think 'Is that the best you can do, your gonna have to do better than that if you want to get up my nose!'

deja vu

You'll have to forgive me if I repeat myself on this blog. It's bound to happen. It's something I find myself doing a lot. Repeating myself that is. I think it stems from childhood where I felt nobody ever listened to me. So therefore I find myself repeating myself. A lot. Because I feel people don't listen to me.

Besides which, my brain feels like such a worn out over active sieve at the moment (if that makes any sense) that I can't seem to keep up with what I have written and what I think about writing. And believe me there is a hell of a lot more of the later than the former going on. It doesn't help that I cant even sit at my computer for two minutes before little miss wants to play her dora-little einsteins-mr maker-octonauts-wonder pets-reading eggs-angelina ballerina-diego-freakin' bubble guppies whatever the hell they are games or the boy starts yelling out 'where's my desert/what are you doing/come in here for a cuddle/why don't you love me' or some such co-dependent whining... Honestly he's worse than a small child and given that I have small children I can actually say that with authority.

Anyways, what got me onto this rant was that I was going to have a whinge about my insomnia which seems to have re-reared its ugly head of late including tonight where I was so tired and grumpy that I took myself off to bed early then, as always seems to happen as soon as the light goes off, I'm wide awake and my feet get all hot and my legs start to get all twitchy and then I start thinking about things that would be good to write about on my blog but I cant remember if I have written about them before and if I write about them again will I be caught out embellishing and not letting the truth get in the way of a good story et al.

But back to the insomnia, I couldn't remember if I'd winged about it before because I didn't want to repeat myself because I often do find myself repeating myself and I think it comes from childhood where I felt like no one ever listened to me and I seem to have developed this habit of repeating myself. Again.

Super dooper mega whatsit plastic shit bonanzer!!!

I read a lot about the sexualisation of young girls, and lucky (hopefully!) I'm still a couple of years away from that one. But whats really bothering me at the moment, though I guess I've always known it to be there is just the blatant consumerism involved with children, it just seems to be getting so much worse, or maybe I'm noticing it more now.

Case in point 1. A friend of mine posted on her facebook profile something about going around 7 different toy stores trying to find this particular doll that her daughter absolutely HAD to have... This horrified me because her daughter is only a couple of months older than Little Miss, but the thing is that Little Miss wouldn't have a clue what dolls were out there and probably couldn't care less anyways... Now either I've got a frickin' child genius on my hands that knows not to get sucked into this consumer crap (well it's a possibility!)But where the hell do these kids that young find out about them...Too much commercial TV? Too many trips to the toy store? Too many parents instead of saying "Oh yeah she's nice" when looking at the ad/toy catalogue/whatever actively encouraging their kid to want want want... and then having to run around to however many frickin' stores trying to find it.

Case in point 2. My local Target store (I'm sure not just MY local target store!) was opening at One past Midnight for their Mega Fabbo Whatsit Super Dooper Toy Sale the other day... And I bet there were many many parents waiting at 30 seconds to One past midnight waiting for the doors to open... I worked in a Toy store for a while a few years back and I have to tell you, kids are fine, its the parents I cant stand!!! And I tell you what, the experience scared me for life! (but I did love the little kids who came in and counted out their money box coins to buy their carefully selected once a whenever treat! Better than the ones who would say 'just put it on your card mum'!!!) Anyways so I got a bit suckered in and thought maybe to be a good parent I should be taking a look and buying it all now so I can put it all away in the cupboard to forget about so as to buy more in December and get tricked into buying twice as much... So I took a look at the however many many MANY page catalogue of everything my 3 year old needs to feel complete in life and I have to tell you it was all CRAP! I mean Frickin' Masterchef have even got on board with their own line of Frickin' plastic pretend kitchen crap now... Whats wrong with making your kids use their imagination and play with the pots and pans already on hand in the REAL kitchen... Little Miss loves to pretend to do the dishes, well honey that don't need no pretend sink coz we've got a real one! Complete with bubbles too courtesy of the dish washing liquid!

Here's a novel idea folks, say 'NO!' When I take Little Miss to the supermarket and she says 'Look mum, Dora' I just say 'oh yeah isn't that nice' or 'It sure is' or whatever and just keep walking. So anyways, this ranting does have a point. (And more than just a smug point about how much of a superior being I am by depriving my kid which will of course bite me on the arse later!) All this consumer crap comes from the parents, not the kids, but your bringing your kids up to buy into it and measure all that plastic shit to your self worth... just say 'No' and give them a stick and a piece of string to play with!!!

a week maybe a long time in politics...

But 2 1/2 weeks is a long time in blogging!

I'm a bad blogger... a bad bad bad blogger!

But Ive been a busy one what with starting back to work at the fabulous soon-to-be-open Altona North Library (2pm March 16th!) and with poor Little Miss having an operation to release of the right trigger thumb. Poor little brave girl will finally be able to give us the thumbs up!

As the Fonz says; EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHH

Also been doing a lot of reading... someone asked me the other day at work how I'm able to get through a book a week with two little kids... I say "It's all about your priorities!"

Ive not long finished this cute book, A true history of the Hula Hoop by Judith Lanigan. It’s a very sweet book basically covering 3 intersecting stories as well as a little non-fiction research into... you guessed it, the history of the hula-hoop! And the little town about an hour from Melbourne with the historic cinema sounds VERY familiar!

I'm currently reading Stealing Picasso by Anson Cameron which I would probably be enjoying a lot more if I didn't keep picking bloody holes in it all the time! Its a novel based around the stealing of the Weeping Woman from the NGV back in 1986 (something which has always intrigued me and I believe makes the painting a lot more interesting, but I think it's funny that I worked at the NGV for over a year and you never heard anything about it nor found any mention in any of the books they produced!) anyways, I keep picking at things like when the book says its free to get into the gallery but back then it wasn't, and now there's this whole weird bit about a Michael Jackson impersonator who is struggling because of the child abuse allegations coming out but that wasn't until the 90's... why cant I just read it and enjoy it!!!!

Meet our new friend...

Kind of ironic really, that my father-in-law, who likes to hunt rabbits... as does the boy... should get a rabbit for Little Miss!

all the way home...

Here's a story for you...

Little miss has been having several "accidents" lately. I put "Accidents" in "inverted commas" because they always seem to occur either when I am busy with bubba-ista or just after little miss has got into trouble for something!

I made a decision recently that instead of trying to get my stuff done and getting frustrated with a kiddy under my feet, I need to focus my attention on her, do lots of stuff in the morning to get her tired out so she will have a sleep so I can then get my stuff done!

So my big idea this particular day is we will go on an adventure to one of those indoor play centres where Little Miss can run (jump/climb etc.) wild. So she's happily playing for a while in the under 4 area's which is great considering she's 3... then she spies the big kids/over 4's area... uh oh... she takes no for an answer for a little while and goes off to play some more, at least that's what I think... but now I realise that little brain was just biding time and formulating a plan.

"Mum... I want a drink"
"OK out you come" (runs over to the other side)
"Do you need to go to the toilet"
"No"
"Are you sure"
"Yes"
"Are you really sure"
"Yes"
"You defiantly don't want to go to the toilet then"
"No"
"OK"

Then... RUN, off she goes, straight to the top of the big kids/strictly over 4's area. and... well... pisses herself.

So here I go, shoes off, leaving pram, baby, bag etc unattended, up to the top of the tower, trying to clean up wee with just a wet pair of shorts and undies. Then I have to go to the staff "um, well, my daughter has just pissed herself in the top of the area she's not meant to be in!..." then of course, after all that the toddler area just has no appeal and we want to go home. So big adventure that was supposed to take up our whole morning and we are home after 40 minutes.

But good things do come out of frustrating situations. I was telling this story to my friend C. Single mum of two kids (I do not know how she does it!) And she gave me a little pep talk. She said "we put too much pressure on ourselves sometimes, If your kids are safely in bed at the end of the day, they are fed, healthy and happy then we have done our jobs. The fact that you made it out to the play centre at all with a 3 year old and a 3 month old is enough to be proud of!"

OK so I am still going to try for the focused attention thing, but I need to give myself some slack too. Sometimes it's hard when your tired and your attention is being pulled in many different directions to feel you are doing a good job. We all need friends like C to remind us and put things into perspective sometimes!

Anouk's Crazy Mixed-up Christmas Stocking!!!

I decided that Little Miss needed a Christmas Stocking for impending arrival of afore mentioned Mr Scary-claws... Look I know it's lying to your kids and he makes all the poor kids think they've been bad, but at the same time I have to be careful not to project my irrational fears onto small children!!!

Anyways... I started knitting this yesterday, I looked at a few sock/Xmas stocking patterns that all involved knitting in the round which I have tried and didn't like (or maybe I just bought too long a thingi) or using double-pointed needles which I haven't tried... so obviously anything new = scary!!!

So I'm making it up as I go along with a kind-of picture in my head of what it should end up like... sort of... maybe.

Plus its a way to use some of those 1/2 balls of wool left over from other stuff/impulse yarn buys. Well now I've put it in writing I have to do it! And I've got a deadline on this one so I'd better get onto it!!

The Couch is the new Bed...

But Leg cramps, headaches, swollen feet, constipation, insomnia and a really really sore back will never be in style thank you very much!

Hit 34 weeks yesterday, not long to go now! Predicted date... September 23rd. Two reasons,

a) That’s 36 and a bit weeks which is when I had little miss.

b) Jack’s Birthday and I think that would be lovely!

Jack was/is my grandfather. But when my brother was born there were still lots of the great grandparents around and as the great grandparent name debate raged on, he said... “Just call me Jack...” and that’s all he’s ever been, to anyone. In fact I used to get really confused when people would say ‘your grandfather’ or the like, I didn’t know who they were talking about!

Jack was cool, he could wiggle his ears and make this funny mouth noise. And everything was done at Jack pace which was not always easy with Granny around!

Oh the joys...

Its kind of ironic I guess, the week that I am reading Toddler Taming and we are in the midst of mega-tantrum mode!

If I wanted to anlyise it I guess I would say;

• I am being punished for leaving her at Grammy’s for a few days (although she loves it there)


• She can sense that in a few weeks her world is going to be turned upside down with the arrival of a new little person in the house


• That my fuse is shorter than normal what with not being able to sleep and just generally tired and cranky...

but I think the answer is that she is just testing things out, maybe is not feeling herself and just a normal toddler! The Toddler Taming book is actually helping me just to feel like a normal parent and reassures me that I am doing a good job...

Of course this is what little miss thinks of it!!!! (Don't tell the library!)

Pregancy Brain

You know I never believed that thing about pregnancy brain until I became pregnant myself... I thought it was just a poor excuse for everyday vagueness... No way! I have been the most ditziest, most clutsy, most forgetful, most... um... I cant remember!

A friend told me once that it needs to happen, if your brain actually had to consciously cope with everything that was going on, both internally and externally, it would have a complete meltdown! I mean, think about it, not only are you building a whole nervous system, but your whole life is about to be turned upside down! Things that were once important to you no longer hold the significance they once did, basically you are never going to be that person again and that, for me, was one of the hardest things to cope with!

And geeez I am so freakin' sick of being pregnant! No wonder... I worked out the other day that in the past year, I have been pregnant for 10 months of it!!!! and Ive still got a couple of months to go...

And to top it all off I had to suffer through my first experience of major shopping mall tanties from the Little Miss on Monday! I think it may have been punishment for her staying at her grammies the night before (which she loves... but I seem to get some major drama's every time!) Twas fun... lots of feeling sorry for me looks!!! But after lunch and a big poo it was all over!!!

Still didn't manage to get in the way of some major birthday shopping on my part... including cherry-patterned gumboots, several favourite new outfits (which all consist of PJ's and lots of other fun stuff!!!!

Sis...

I’ve been a little slack of late with my unsolicited book review type posts of late; I’ve been reading a lot, but nothing that has really blown me away.

Red Couch Book Club is currently reading Jodi Picoult’s My Sisters Keeper. She’s not the sort of author I would normally pick up; in fact I would probably put her into the category of “Popular faff”. I do have a friend who raves about her though so I was happy to give her a go. I have to say this one is defiantly pulling at the heart strings. The chapters alternate the voices of the characters, all in the present except Sara (the mum’s) which is giving us the background info. Its Sara’s chapters I am finding hard to read, especially the first one, where her two year old daughter is diagnosed with leukaemia.

I have a two year old daughter.

I guess I am also a bit sensitive at the moment, I am around the point in my pregnancy where I lost the last baby, and I am very aware of every movement, or lack thereof. I know on an intellectual level that there was no found reason for the loss of the last one and therefore no indication that it is likely to happen again, but unfortunately these things don’t work on an intellectual level.

So my apologies if I seem a little snappy, or disappear off for a while...

Anyways, back to the book. I am just over half way through and at first I was very sympathetic with the Anna Character and hated Sara, but as it goes along I’m beginning to understand Sara a lot more. I guess it’s that old “Both sides of the story” thing! I’m still finding Sara’s chapters hard to read and I had a bit of a cry over it last night (oh my god, I’m actually admitting to that!!!!) and I know what’s going to happen, but I’m determined to finish it... perhaps a good cry will do me good, just have to make sure I read it when no one’s around!

P.S. (a couple of days after writing this post) I just finished this book and certainly didn't see that one coming! I should have, looking back it should have been predictable. Had a good cry anyway!!!!

New addition to the family...

Mummy!

I have always had a bit of a thing about Mothers day and how it really shouldn't be necessary blah, blah blah... I am very close to my mother and often buy her things I think she would like just because I saw them (this used to happen more when I worked in retail, now I just borrow stuff for her from the library!) In fact I gave her a present this Saturday night... wrapped in Merry Christmas paper... And said "Happy Birthday"! All to disguise the fact that I had actually bought her a Mothers Day present!!!

But of course my rants do often turn around to bite me on the bum, especially when the shoe is on the other foot and now that I am a Mum I gotta say I love a bit of acknowledgement (and that's all I would ever want... though I will admit I do love a good present from time to time!!!)

It was so cute... Coffee and Breakfast brought up to me in bed! (Breakfast consisting of a freaky looking smiley faced bickie that Little Miss had picked out at the bakery) along with a rehearsed "Happy Mothers Day Mummy, I Love You" which went out the window as we were so focused on this bickie which she immediately picked up and ate the Raspberry lolly nose off then spat out because she didn't like it!

She is a chip off the old block!

Ive actually got a Mummy week off this week! The Boy and I are off to Wilson's Promontory today for a 4 day hike. (yeah yeah, I know, I'm up the duff and I'm being careful and all that!) I am so looking forward to it as it's years since Ive done any major hiking and I've been so bored with life lately that I just want to get out and be somewhere different! Look out for photo's next week!

Why I think Bubba-chino's are ridiculous...

OK, off on a Rant now...

I remember the first time I heard of a Bubba-chino, I was working in a cafe and someone ordered one and I had to ask them what it was...

"An Espresso cup with some foam and chocolate on top so the child can feel involved."

I looked at them with a look that I hope said what I didn't actually say out loud;

"Are you serious?"

JA and I went out for a fancy pants Devonshire tea today... (oh posh!) and on the next table were a family with two small children. The two year old was not concentrating on his Bubba-chino (in fact I think he and Little Miss were having some kind of secret toddler language thing going on) and spilled it, on himself, Hot Milk. Who the hell gives a two year old a hot drink??? This is after Little Miss had spilled her (Cold) milk three times and this was after the waiter had had the good sense to put it in a paper take-away cup with a lid on!

Get it people... Kids don't need to drink substitute coffee to feel included!!! Give them a Kids drink and if you want them to feel included... Talk to them!!!

Mind you they were probably thinking I was a bad Mum when Little Miss got her hands on the Jam and Cream pots and started eating them straight...