My blog got me in trouble recently (and here I was thinking no one was reading... turns out the one person I didn't know knew about it was!) which got me thinking of surveillance and investigating what else was out there (and I cleared out some of the excess crap... bye bye twitter, bye bye you tube channel that never got used.) and I found a few tasty HotRodLibrarian gems I hadn't seen before...

This one is from the lovely folks at Library Bonnet zine, love that they loved my ironic use of the fabulous $2 Jesus stickers!

And check this out... I’m in Google Books! Makes me wanna go out and do another zine!

But this one is possibly my favorite .. apparently I’m very influential to my friends and (possibly) have an IQ of 134! (mind you I had to look it up to find out that’s above average!) Well if I’m apparently so smart... how come I did something so frikkin’ stupid!

Escape to the country

By the time you see this we will (hopefully) have settled on our new house right out in the bush almost out in the middle of nowhere and I can't wait! I am so glad to have gotten out of the hellhole suburb, it really was a case of waking up one morning with a "how the hell did we get here?" realisation, but I am not focusing on the past, only the future!
I can't wait to wake up in the morning to THAT view and have my friends come stay at the 'Area 51' campground and really just surround myself with positiveness, fresh air and light... what a frickin' Hippie!

I went to the launch of the new Vali book at Outre Gallery on Friday. I went even though I knew I would hate being there. I mean, I love Outre and, well hopefully everyone knows how i feel about Vali! But that's just it, I hate that the place is crowded with wannabes, when I actually KNEW her, but that is just so selfish of me I know. I should be sharing her with the world. And there are so many more people who I would love to meet or have met and haven't and does that make it wrong for me to want to celebrate them. I'm being such a horrible bitch about this. I should be so glad that someone has published another book about my absolute hero, even though I couldn't pick up my copy I pre-ordered grrrr. And sharing her legacy. Or maybe I'm just jealous because I sent them some of my photo's which (I don't think anyways) they didn't use, and BUST magazine never did publish that article I wrote and maybe I should just shut up and look at this wonderful picture of vali by Angelique Houtkamp (who I also love but SHOCK HORROR have never met!!)

Miss Concept (ions)

Naomi Wolf's Misconceptions was beyond a doubt the best book I have read about Pregnancy, Childbirth and Motherhood. It's personal and political and spoke to me about exactly how I was feeling, making me feel not so alone, guilty or wrong for the mixed feelings I was going through. One of the things that bothered me most at that time was that no matter how equal you thought your relationship had been before, when the baby comes along that the stereotypical gender roles come to the forefront. I've ranted about all this before... even sung the praises of this book way back in (gosh so long ago) 2008, but in this interview she talks about another one of the things I related to about a woman coming home from major surgery after a Cesarean, its like sending a person who has just had major heart surgery home with this tiny dependent creature pretty much reliant on you. Even if you didn't have a Caesar, it's still a pretty massive physical thing your body has had to go through and women are so hard on themselves feeling they have to still be the be all end all to their families.

Societies conventions...

I am watching with some amusement the amount of people enquiring as to where my House Husband is working or what he is 'doing' now he has moved. I am yet to have anyone ask me, which is a bummer in itself because I am pretty goddamn proud of the job I've managed to get myself. People just don't seem to get that I am working and supporting the family and he is staying home, cooking, cleaning, getting the kids sorted etc. etc. One (quite old fashioned I will point out) mother of an old school friend even asked him "oh but you are looking arn't you?", she just couldn't fathom it. I bet he's even getting a few Synonyms of "Lazy" or "Useless" behind his back, yet no one would question if it were me staying at home eating bonbons on the couch in front of Days of our lives. It would be all these same people (if there are any, and yes I do have a few in mind) who are blubbering in there old age about not having spent enough time with their kids when they were little... Blah Blah Rant Rant...

Satans Claws...

I don't know how many times as a parent I have had to eat my pre-procreation-smug-filled words, but here we go again...

Anyone who knows me would have heard my Santa Rants... I mean, the guy is creepy "come sit on my lap little girl and tell me what you want", "It's lying to your'e children" "He makes the poor kids think they've been bad" blah blah blah...

So how come Christmas eve I find myself not only eating my words but half a carrot at the front door and scoffing down the milk and cookies left out for the fat man (well I should get SOMETHING out of it) and getting all swept away with it the next morning? and how can my heart not melt when Little Miss tells me that of her whole Christmas/Birthday three day extravaganza getting up to see that Santa had been and "I didn't even hear him..."

I love being a cynical bitch, but I forgot how much innocence can be too!

Another Day, Another Rant...

OK so we had a 4 year old birthday party on Saturday. It was at Macca's, which I don't have any moral or big corporate evil giant objection too... in fact I've been known to have the occasional indulge... and they've got free wifi too!

Anyways back to my story...

My Rant is not about the venue, but about the choices some people make, or perhaps they are not making a choice and that's the problem.

Little Miss was sitting next to birthday girl when the happy meals were served. She spied Little Misses Apple Juice...

Birthday Girl: "I want some of *****'s Drink"

Birthday Girls Mum: "No ****, Your having Coke"

BG: "But I don't want Coke, I want Apple Juice"

BGM: "No, your having Coke!"

Now, once again, No objection to Coke itself, In fact, once again, I don't mind the occasional tipple myself. I have no big corporate giant Hijacked Santa kind of objection to Coke. I JUST DON'T THINK ITS VERY GOOD FOR LITTLE KIDS!

If your kid wants fruit juice why are you forcing carbonated, caffeine filled, sugar laden, has no kind of natural taste what-so-ever? I'm also not under any illusion that the Apple Juice itself has any less sugar than the Coke, but at least its kind of got some sort of recognisable taste and maybe some hint of nutritional value hidden in there somewhere.

I would never say anything at the party to the other parents but I got all smug and proud of Little Miss when she didn't want any of birthday Girls drink coz it was yucky! Yay you! Yep, won't say anything but will get all ranty about it later! Hypocritical yes, Smug yes, Superior... I don't think I am by any means, but like I said before, of course I think my parenting choices are superior to others or I wouldn't be doing it that way!

Just about every woman I know needs to read this book...

This is probably one of the most important books Ive read in forever! Screw Inner Beauty or in the States it's just called Lessons from the Fat-o-sphere by Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby, two very cool Fat-acceptance advocates. It's all about getting off the dieting bandwagon, listening to your body, accepting yourself as the size you are and finding exercise that is fun and makes you feel good. I think just about every woman I knows should read it... even some of the skinny ones. Oh and the boy too!

Red Tenting it...

I'm starting think the idea of having a 'Red Tent' such as they had in biblical times for menstruating women to go it is a great idea! I'm sure the boy would sure appreciate it too! Not only do you get to hide out from the world and not have to lift a finger with your 'sisters' looking after you, but the rest of the world doesn't have to put up with you either!!

I'm such a raggy horrible bitch at the moment... not to say no-one else (eg the boy) is to blame because of course everything is his fault. It always is.

Ive been having some good chats with my doctor recently. She said that people are always wanting to find something physically wrong with them because they don't want to admit they are just tired and maybe doing too much. That has really stuck with me. She also said that I have a lot on my plate what with kids and work and running a household etc. and that I should try and take more time out for myself, I actually feel I've got a little too much time to myself at the moment and too much time to think can be a bad thing!!!

She did test my hormone levels for me though, and of course they were normal, I'm not going through early menopause or have an ectopic pregnancy any of the other things my stupid brain comes up with that I get all obsessed about. I'm just fucking normal! How boring is that!

So I walked home (in the rain) and thought stuff the dishes/washing/total fucking mess that is called my house and the rest of the to do list and I am sitting in bed with my peppermint tea, cheesy teenage novel waiting for my Nurofen plus to kick in and closing the door on the rest of the world!

Rampant Consumerism...

So I overheard something disturbing when dropping Little Miss off at Kinder yesterday...

"I caught him trying to slip his ipod into his kinder bag"

IPOD! KINDER BAG!?

What the fuck does a four year old need a fucking ipod for!!??

My friend C is a single mum. Her ex (who, mind you left her when she was 3 mo pregnant with their second child. Informs her later that he was planning to leave but wanted child 1 to have a sibling. Does this go to show the mentality we are dealing with here!?) Anyways, he come from a wealthy family (and has never had to lift a finger beyond menial jobs... anyway this is not about him) this is about the fact that the two kids, 5 and 7 both have fucking ipods for godsake.

IPODS! 5 & 7!?

So C says to me "how am I ever supposed to compete with that?" I said you don't compete. You keep going the complete opposite with op shop clothes and lots of love and a great role model who works hard and is making it on her own!

Go C... I loves ya!

Songs to get you through a break up with a really nasty ex boyfriend (circa. 1995)

For when you start to figure out somethings wrong... maybe around the first time he makes you cry...

"...you look at me the wrong way and I start to cry."



When things start getting too hard, you know somethings wrong but he's got you brainwashed into thinking that it's your fault.

"I'm on your side Are you too blind to see,
I'm on your side You know I'm not the enemy..."



"When you start your get your strength back... you start getting angry and decide you don't wanna take this shit anymore...

"I'm bored staring at the ceiling while you point out my flaws, Ive watched the wallpaper peeling from slamming doors"



"When you finally get the strength to break up with him... Yeah I know that in this some the protagonist was dumped... but its about the anger...

And how he told you that no one else would ever want you and you could never do better than him. Then he comes back and tells you that, although he's been fucking his best (female) friend, that didn't work and he realised it was you that he missed and he wants you to reconsider.

"Every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back I hope you feel it..."



This is for that confused time just after a breakup, that daze you are in when you realise its over, you've gotten out.

The song itself is about stalking your ex... but again, its the ANGER!

"I know that my mind is confusion, I know that you have no more love,
For me and I need a transfusion, or someone to wake me, shake me"



And this ones for when your just so angry, usually with yourself for not seeing that you should have dumped him back at Tina Turner, that you need to jump around the room and scream at the top of your lungs to let it all out.

"Kitty, kitty please come here but don't you touch me don't you dare..."

Favourite and least favourite book of the week...

My favourite book this week (I've read two so its not hard to choose!) was Kelly Doust's A Life in Frocks. I liked it so much I've gone and bought two copies fo friends for presents! I like an author is prepared to admit her flaws and faux pars (I related to her experience of 'out of uniform' days at school and how she got them SO wrong!) and though I'm not sure about her taste all the time (she was going on and on about Sass and Bides Futuregrande Collection, which I had to then look up because im such a fasion ignoramous. I gotta say i thought it was hideous!) But then again im still wearing the same stuff I wore 10 years ago, which I prefer to think means I'm about 5-10 years ahead of my time in terms of fashion trend cycles! I like people who are obsessed about something and not embarassed to admit it! And given that, other than the said Sass & Bide, she creats her own style and loves a good op shop trawl! (see previous entry!)

The other book I read this week was Things Bogans Like, much like its redneck American cousin Stuff White People Like whose only purpose in life seem to be to make me feel embarrased by liking anything slightly mainsteam and not being all impressed by stuff thats so arty and wanky that my bogan white brain simply couldnt comprehend. Look I know the whole things terribly tongue in cheek and the (anonomous) authors are self confessed snobs... But if there's one thing I hate more than Bogans it's Wankers who think they are better than everyone else... You know the type... people who make comments like "I prefer Ebooks beacuse I read so fast that I find turning pages slows me down too much"... Yes this is a real comment from someone I don't like being around because they make me feel like such a Bogan!



One thing I did feel about both these books, they could have done with being about 20 (frocks) to 50 (bogans) pages shorter as they tend to get a bit repetitive towards the end...

I said they tend to get a bit repetitive towards the end...

deja vu

You'll have to forgive me if I repeat myself on this blog. It's bound to happen. It's something I find myself doing a lot. Repeating myself that is. I think it stems from childhood where I felt nobody ever listened to me. So therefore I find myself repeating myself. A lot. Because I feel people don't listen to me.

Besides which, my brain feels like such a worn out over active sieve at the moment (if that makes any sense) that I can't seem to keep up with what I have written and what I think about writing. And believe me there is a hell of a lot more of the later than the former going on. It doesn't help that I cant even sit at my computer for two minutes before little miss wants to play her dora-little einsteins-mr maker-octonauts-wonder pets-reading eggs-angelina ballerina-diego-freakin' bubble guppies whatever the hell they are games or the boy starts yelling out 'where's my desert/what are you doing/come in here for a cuddle/why don't you love me' or some such co-dependent whining... Honestly he's worse than a small child and given that I have small children I can actually say that with authority.

Anyways, what got me onto this rant was that I was going to have a whinge about my insomnia which seems to have re-reared its ugly head of late including tonight where I was so tired and grumpy that I took myself off to bed early then, as always seems to happen as soon as the light goes off, I'm wide awake and my feet get all hot and my legs start to get all twitchy and then I start thinking about things that would be good to write about on my blog but I cant remember if I have written about them before and if I write about them again will I be caught out embellishing and not letting the truth get in the way of a good story et al.

But back to the insomnia, I couldn't remember if I'd winged about it before because I didn't want to repeat myself because I often do find myself repeating myself and I think it comes from childhood where I felt like no one ever listened to me and I seem to have developed this habit of repeating myself. Again.

Little sluts...

Now I'm certainly not saying I'm a perfect mum, in fact I'm the first to admit a) I'm not and b) there is no such thing. And yes I know that everyone is entitled to bring their kids up however they want and it's really none of my business and I really should keep my mouth shut... But here I go anyway!

I HATE it when people dress their kids up like little sluts... I know it's everywhere but what has got me riled up about it this time is a photo I saw on a facebook acquaintance's profile of her 5 year old daughter... I realise I am treading a fine line here as I am not shy about putting things out there and she may possibly see this but then again, if she was actually a good friend then I would probably feel the need to say this to her face so here goes...

She was dressed in a bikini with full make up on and posing with her chest sticking out and, frankly it looked almost kiddie pornographic. Then there was some comment by the mum about how she is 5 going on 15... well I have to tell you, Kids don't dress themselves, they may pick out their own clothes but someone has bought that for them! Then there's the make up... the kids certainly didn't do that herself by getting into mum's make up bag... Then you wonder why she's 5 going on 15 love!

There was also a photo of said kid surrounded by her Christmas presents this year... and I mean it when I say surrounded. I have another person in my life with a similar indulgent attitude to their child... I find it scary, this other persons kid only just turned 1 and has more than both my kids combined and then some. And all the toys are noisy and sing songs and have bells and whistles (that would ring and blow themselves... god forbid the kid would have to use its imagination!) I suspect these people maybe didn't have the greatest upbringing themselves and I acknowledge that it's wrong of me to judge... but I am! And I will! And my kids will get their Op Shop Bead frames and their craft supplies and their "no presents please" little birthday parties and their unisex jeans and Tshirts (and milkshakes instead of Bubba-chinos... but I've already gone there!!!) and then complain about their underprivileged upbringing and how come such and such got everything and I didn't...

I fully admit I am being judgmental, but it's all about believing in yourself and the way you choose to live your life. These people probably have similar rants to make about me and the way I bring up my kids too (I probably let them watch too much TV or let them use the computer too much... there's always something!!) Everyone to their own opinion... But mine is right... For ME!!!

Space... the final frontier...

I think what I am literally needing in my life is Virginia Woolfe's metaphorical Room of one's own... (or am I metaphorically craving the literal, not really sure anymore!)

I just don't get a lot of space anymore!

One of my happiest living spaces was my little flat overlooking Princess Park in North Carlton, it's the only time I've really lived on my own and I loved it!

Now I share a bedroom, I used to have the spare room where MY bed is to escape to when I needed a little space or couldn't sleep, now that Bubbaista's room (note to any overnight guests, your very welcome as long as you don't mind a roommate!), we have a study, which I thought I could have made mine is taken over by the boys ever expanding collection of hunting and camping equipment which cant possibly live in the shed! And anyone who has little kids will know that you cant even pop into the toilet for a little quiet time since little miss grew tall enough to reach the door handles!

And I no longer have nap times to look forward too either!

Maybe it's just this week because I've been sick and so going to bed super early I don't get that night time me time (and my pile of DVD's is growing too!).

I know that time flies and it wont be long till I'll be complaining and suffering from empty nest syndrome when my kids wont want to know me, but for now... maybe I'll have one more crack at cleaning the study up and maybe do a tape line down the middle... just half a room will do me!

Something else that really pisses me off...

People who post those status updates on facebook that go something like...

October is cancer month. In memory of every cancer patient, family member and
friend who has lost their battle with cancer and in honor of those who continue to conquer it! Put this up for 1 hour if you love someone who has or had cancer.

And then there are the ones who try to get you to do it by inducing guilt...

Every person has 1000 wishes. A cancer patient only has one; to get better. I know that 97% of people will not post this as their status, but I hope that my friends will be one of the 3% who do ~ even for just one hour ~ in honour of those who never won the battle, and for those who are still fighting

Now I can imagine if I actually had cancer this would actually really piss me off... maybe you could give that person a ring or send them a message to let them know you are thinking of them? or maybe donate a couple of bucks to an organisation that actually does something about it?

Or this recent one...

Until December 7th change your profile picture to one of a cartoon character from your childhood and invite your friends to do the same. The objective of this is not to see any human face on facebook, but an invasion of memories for the fight against Violence to Children. Remember we were kids too...

I mean really, who the hell is that actually going to help? sure it might be a bit of fun but how is changing your profile picture in anyway going to fix anything? don't pretend your saving the world via facebook, because then you get this...

READ CAREFULLY! The group asking everyone to change their profile picture to their favorite cartoon character is actually a group of peadophiles doing it because kids will accept their friend request faster if they see a cartoon picture. It has NOTHING to do with ChildViolence/NCPCC. It was on a show that warns you about internet frauds PLEASE COPY AND PASTE THI

Well, people changing their picture to or from a cartoon character is not going to change or contribute to this either!!

But I did get a kick out of this one...

Copy this and put it in your status if you know someone or have heard of someone who knows someone. If you don't know anyone or even if you've just heard of someone who doesn't know anyone then do still copy this. It's important to spread the message... Oh, and the hearts! ♥♥♥♥♥♥ For...**** sake, don't forget the hearts! ♥♥♥♥♥♥

And have you ever noticed its always the same people who do this that send you those god damn annoying chain emails... forward this to 20 million of your friends in the next 5 minutes or something bad will happen sometime in your life, well guess what, I'd rather risk the bad luck than risk pissing off my friends!!!

Take note people!!

It's been way too long...

Well hey there, it's been a while!

Sorry about that, my brain, confidence and, hmmm, everyday functioning went into lock down mode for a while there... but I'm back and I'm feeling good, well most of the time and I guess that's all you can ask!!!

So lets see... what have I been doing (apart from having a meltdown and losing all perspective!!!)

Reading... Lots of "sequels" or follow-ups to thoroughly enjoyed books; Cleaving by Julie Powell, Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert, Booky wook 2 by Russell Brand and at the moment The Romantic by Kate Holden, which I am enjoying despite how clingy, insecure and needy she seems to be, but then I have also been a solo traveller in a strange land and understand the issues this can arouse (I just didn't have her talent for picking up guys I guess!!!).

Have also read some crap books (At home with the Templetons by Monica McInerny, I knew it wasn't going to be my thing when I read the words "family saga" on the back! But then again I only really read it because of the connection to the ol' home town (see previous post)). Then there was the self-published one that I bought off an acquaintance because I believe in supporting people in their artistic pursuits but, oh my god it was so self indulgent with sooo many mistakes and bad grammar and maybe I am not one to talk and maybe its just some cool writing technique like some sort of beat poet type thing and maybe I'm just not smart and cool enough to get and maybe... maybe its just bad... so no names mentioned there OK!

And then there was one BRILLIANT one! Armstead Maupin's Mary Anne in Autumn which I devoured in, I want to say one day but it was more like 26 hours!!! he did not disappoint, well no he did, because it had to finish!

Ive also seen some movies; Joan Rivers: a piece of work (best joke; on (whether men go for brains or beauty) "well I never heard of a man putting his hand up a girls skirt looking for a library card"!), Get him to the Greek (soooo much better than Forgetting Sarah Marshall though it did get a little tired by the end), The No. 1 ladies detective agency (well a T.V. Show I know but still great), Kick Ass (would have been crap if it wern't for Hit Girl, who can resist an 11 year old crime-fighting chick calling everyone 'motherfuckers' and 'cunts'), Eat, Pray, Love (Cheesy I know, but had to be done, and thoroughly enjoyable except for the fact that they do, literally ride off into the sunset!!!)

Sucked up to the lady who got my dream job (was thinking we would go for a coffee, come out of it best friends with her begging to be my mentor, instead, sat in the workroom chatting for 20 minutes with her promising to keep me in mind...). Worked a week of full time last week (loved it!!! loved being back at the old branch and feeling useful) which was great considering work is about the only place where I actually feel confident and in control at the moment!

And I've been "working on me"... ohhh how tacky does that sound!!! But I have, I've been seeing a psychologist and went back on some medication that I thought I didn't need anymore but turns out actually did help! and just trying to look after myself and stand up for myself more... and take myself out for lunch at The famous blue raincoat which always helps!!!

Balancing act

I'm having one of those work/life balance dilemma's

I'm wondering how much I should give up career wise to get my family to where they need to be? There is another job going near where we want to move to but it would be a crap job. Bottom of the rung and I hate to say coz it makes me sound up myself but... very beneath me! BUT if it gets me in there and my family to where we want to go then shouldn't I bite the bullet and just suck it up? But I've worked hard to get where I am and do I really want to take another backwards step? To be honest it feels a bit of an insult and a slap in the face to have to apply for a band 3 position when I am qualified with really great experience. But then maybe I need to get in there so they can see all these things about me? I could hold out for something better, but what if something better dosen't come along?

What to do? What to do?

I mean... I'm not even a frickin' Libran!!!

Recent reads...

A book has to be pretty bad for me to not finish it, or really long and I put it down thinking I will get back to it but it sits there for a year or I write down the page number and take it back to the library and then lose the bit of paper and never re-borrow the book...

Bill Bryson's At Home is probably going to join that category. I don't want to, it's not a bad book. And I generally enjoy his writing. The thing is it's kind of interesting but very, very long. It's about the finer history of everyday mundane things, and quite frankly there is a reason things are mundane... um, because they are! And besides, I don't see what the history of mice and other vermin has to do with the study and and the history of architecture to do with cellars and I think he's clutching at straws at times... Think I'm gonna have to give it up.

I've already read one book in between, Russell Brand's My Booky Wook. It's kind of funny, and very repulsive and I really just feel very sorry for him and hope that he has managed to stay sober and drug free since because he was was not an appealing person when on them (he's that appealing now either!). Not that I've actually seen much of his "work", more just know him by reputation and coz he's engaged to a perky songstress (me thinks publicity stunt for the both of them, but, whatever!). There are a lot of uncomfortable moments in the book, events that were obviously quite scarring but he glosses over with humour which I found quite sad. And besides, its not all that well written either.

After another chapter and a half of At Home I started Eat, Pray, Love. (It's not looking good for Mr. Bryson is it!) I want to avoid overly popular books, especially ones that appeal to women of a certain age, but the fact is there usually a reason why they are so popular and I want to stay in front of the film for once so I can be all superior and say"well it wasn't as good as the book..." Ive only go a few pages in but I like it, I like her casual style of writing and I also love it when women can admit that they just don't want to have children because its such a high expectation of society, even these days of apparent endless choices for women it's still a hard thing for a lot of women to admit, and is often viewed with either suspicion or sympathy... believe me ladies, this is not something you want to do half heartedly just coz someone thinks you should... and I would love the freedom to be travelling through Italy, India and Bali right now... Bugger, I just get to do it in my head and think about all the things I'm missing out on!