Whore Moans too... revenge of the womb

my period was three weeks late... I was was so scared I was pregnant, mostly because I didn't want to be pregnant but also because I have an IUD and that can cause all sorts of other issues, high chances of miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy and the like. Trying to decide if I would go through with an abortion, I've never been in the position where I have had to seriously think about it and figured it was a punk rock right of passage that would give me plenty to write and torture myself about, I even started doing my research on where and how etc. I still haven't had the official 'no' from the doc who was to call me if the blood tests came back + but he didn't. And I went for an ultrasound today because both me and the doc agreed that even if I wasn't I wanted to find out what the hell was going on given that the only time I've ever been even a week late was when I was going through a super stressed time, or well, pregnant. And I haven't been stressed, if anything I've been the happiest I've felt in years! So the sonographer didn't give me any hints, but Aunt Erma did decide to show her face today anyway (probably that condom covered camera on a stick shoved up my twat was what did it!) but she isn't her usual self. I'm almost hoping that I'm going through an early menopause, no seriously, it's not that out of the question, my mum was only 43 and I wouldn't mind so much, I mean think about it... no more periods and no more having to spend a FORTUNE on sanitary products!!! Of course this has also given me plenty of material for practicing on the medical databases textbooks and learning new big words like amenorrhea, dysmenorrhea, hyperthyroidism and premature ovarian failure and of cause hypochondria! But no, hang on a minute... I know my body and I know something is not right here! And I want someone to finally take this seriously... Back to the docs next week to get the diagnosis... whats a bet he says he can't find anything!!!

Whore-moans

My fucking hormones just won't let up! I feel like I've tried everything short of a complete hysterectomy (which is what the boy seems to think is the solution to EVERYTHING! Hmmm Freudian or what!!) I've tried herbs, injections, implants, the pill, the mini pill and everything seems to either make things worse, to the extent that I feel like I'm slipping into an early menopause (which to be honest would feel like a relief!) or has no effect whatsoever. Its gotten so bad recently that I feel like a 'Raggy Bitch' (the boy, 2004-) at least 2 weeks out of the month, and can pinpoint the PMT onslaught by pain so intense I can pretty much tell which side I am ovulating from and without fail, check the period tracker on my phone which will say "12 days to go" given that it seems to come at least two days early each month and lasts at least until 3-4 days into my period, Somebody ain't a happy camper... at least 1/2 the time anyway!

Red Tenting it...

I'm starting think the idea of having a 'Red Tent' such as they had in biblical times for menstruating women to go it is a great idea! I'm sure the boy would sure appreciate it too! Not only do you get to hide out from the world and not have to lift a finger with your 'sisters' looking after you, but the rest of the world doesn't have to put up with you either!!

I'm such a raggy horrible bitch at the moment... not to say no-one else (eg the boy) is to blame because of course everything is his fault. It always is.

Ive been having some good chats with my doctor recently. She said that people are always wanting to find something physically wrong with them because they don't want to admit they are just tired and maybe doing too much. That has really stuck with me. She also said that I have a lot on my plate what with kids and work and running a household etc. and that I should try and take more time out for myself, I actually feel I've got a little too much time to myself at the moment and too much time to think can be a bad thing!!!

She did test my hormone levels for me though, and of course they were normal, I'm not going through early menopause or have an ectopic pregnancy any of the other things my stupid brain comes up with that I get all obsessed about. I'm just fucking normal! How boring is that!

So I walked home (in the rain) and thought stuff the dishes/washing/total fucking mess that is called my house and the rest of the to do list and I am sitting in bed with my peppermint tea, cheesy teenage novel waiting for my Nurofen plus to kick in and closing the door on the rest of the world!