Friends...

I mentioned my friend D in my last post.
D and I have known each other since primary school, and in the last couple of years of high school were part of the same wider friendship group. He was someone I always felt intimidated around. One of those uber-intelligent people, and I was sure he thought of me as the dumb blonde. It wasn't until I went to stay with him in Japan that I really got to know him, and found out we had so much more in common than what I ever thought possible.
He was there on his own at the time while his (then) wife was back in Oz finishing off some study.
No it was NOT like that thank you very much!
But I do think he really enjoyed having some company and I really enjoyed the free accommodation and was not expecting that I would find a close friend out of it. I had such a great time with him in a country that I had never thought to visit other than the opportunity presenting itself (I will never pass up free accommodation!)
I went back a few years later as I wanted to visit when his (then) wife was there so we could do all the girly stuff (as much as I love him I cannot imagine ever visiting Onsen with D!).
Then the third time I visited was a classic... I was on my way to the states and in investigating flights, my travel agent, knowing I had friends there, presented me with the option of a 23 hour stopover in Japan with hotel room paid for by the airline. I emailed D & (then) wife and said "just wondering when you are doing on the night of such and such and do you want to take me out to dinner?"
D & I only get to catch up maybe once a year, but I love the idea that someone you've know a long time and have a certain perception of can surprise you. And maybe in turn you can surprise yourself.

My newest friend S is a real inspiration me... I met her through Derby at a time when I was seriously contemplating how much dedication I had to keep on training. She is pushing me to see just how far I can take it, and is number one contender to be my derby wife! We are at about the same level and are forming quite the competitive friendship. We are about the only two who are ready to take the next step (mind you I have been at this a lot longer than she!) and am starting to feel the frustration at being held back by others... Now that I've made the decision and all!

I was told by a psychic once that I am a very open person and make friends easily. At the time It was certainly not how it felt, but I think that comment made me really take stock of the friendships I have and appreciate them. I've been through some pretty lonely times, (when I could not find a friend...) But I think it just took me a long time to really find the people I fitted in with... Now I have them in abundance!

You've come a long way baby...

This year has been weird.
There has been a lot of past stuff churned up for me. It's not just being back in the ol' home town, but being back at the ol' first uni, which has taken me back to thinking a lot about the person I was then and the person I was with then, who also happens to be back in town (see below) and who I have still have old issues with.

I happened to run into him the other day.
It was a good thing.
It was going to have to happen eventually.
I was looking hot.
He was looking old and pathetic.

Then this week I caught up with an old friend, D. My friendship with D is a strange one, but also a reminder of how your impressions of someone can change dramatically given the chance. It's also reminder of how far removed I am from the person I, and others, thought I was back then. We got talking about said previous individual with whom this person also has interesting history.
Suffice to say its all been very cathartic.
Headache inducing, but cathartic.

This person still haunts me.
Maybe he always will.
Maybe I need that as the reminder that I will never be that person ever again.
Maybe I needed that then to move me from the person I was then to the person I was to become.
Maybe I just need to get over it.
Maybe I need to forgive myself.
Maybe he's just a dickhead...

Tonight I went on a walk on my dinner break. I decided to go past some of my old haunts around the campus and revise a few memories. I had not so many memories as realisations of how long ago that was and how much has happened to me, not just in the 15 years since I was last here in my former life, but in the 6 or so months I've been back.

I needed that.
I felt like a grown up for the first time in a while.

Exxy...

My ex boyfriend is back in town. This is bringing up all sorts of yucky feelings I don't want to have to deal with right now. I haven't run into him yet though the Boy and Little Miss have. It's put me on high alert every time I leave the house... Guess I just have to make sure I'm looking fabulous at all times!! Mind you last time I ran into him I literally RAN into him with an armful of books and nearly dropped them so anything is going to be more graceful than that. And a few years ago I saw his Mum in the local library and I literally hid behind the shelves. So you can see how very mature I am about such circumstances... No wonder I've got a headache!

Don't drink and blog...

Howdy folks, Long time no see...

So here's the update... finished the full-time 'I'm the Boss and a superwoman and I can do it all' job that nearly killed me and caused one major meltdown (as well as a few minor ones) but I got through it and almost cried when I finished and one dashing (not so) young man hugged me and told me I was the best boss he ever had! It wasn't the full time that did it, it was the role itself and I am not ashamed to admit it, it was too much for me! So confirmed when the person who's role it actually is said to me "you know I was actually quite surprised when you applied for it given that I know how much of my work/life balance is made up of work (do I need to point out here that this person DOES NOT have 2 small children??) But I made it through even though it was touch and go there at one stage (see above: meltdown) but hey... three days of not being able to get out of bed and a rather convenient excuse with a flu already going around work and no-one was the wiser!

So here's what I learned from the experience...

-G has had some really crappy bosses in his time if I am the best he's ever had!

-I CAN work at that kind of level but I do not WANT to work at that level!

- I've had too much to drink tonight to think of anymore

Here's what happened next...

I went from being a Full-Time working mum to a Full-Time single mum which is making me question which are the more immature to deal with?

Seriously.

Anyways, for the past two years it has been talked about, and even when I follow through with someone else's idea I am still the bad guy! I decided that something needed to happen so I just made it happen so here I am. And in the words of the great Barbra Feldon (that's 99 folks), Living alone (all be it with two small children) and loving it! I've moved back to the Ol' home town in order for Little Miss to start school here next year. Everything's gone and turned upside down and not everyone is coming along for the ride but I am at the point where I really couldn't give a shit, I am looking after myself and my kiddies and if anyone else wants a part of that, well they better get proving it quick smart!! For the past, well I guess 6 1/2 years since I moved out maybe, I've missed that feeling I had when I lived on my own for the only time in my life in the funkiest little apartment in Nth Carlton that was ALL mine, well guess what folks, I am back in control and it feels soooooo good. The going back to full-time mum bit I will admit it VERY tough, but I'm getting through and biding my time until I get the balance back, it's all good... as is Wild Turkey Honey Liquor... nighty night!

Break in transmission...

I finally give myself the space- both physically and mentally, to write, and I seem to have given myself the old 'block'. You see I don't want this to turn into a big winge fest about poor me... But that's the majority of my emotional state at the moment. The world, along with everybody in it, seems to be driving me crazy (and I'm not even pre-menstral!) There are lights at the end of my tunnel so to speak, but even those are going to mean a compromise of my principles as well as my pride. But I must stay focused, I need to keep my eye on that long term prize, do whats best for me and my family and get over the fact that I might have to let a few people down in that process. I feel there's been a bit of a break in transmission from feeling myself, time to get that back I think!

OK OK lets get on with it and focus on a few positives;

Bought myself some shiny new Red Roller Skates so I guess that means I'm pretty serious about running away with the Derby... that and I got a decent tax return which I need to get my fair share out of before the boy spends it all! I am beating myself up about not doing it sooner, but hey, better late and all that. Made some new friends already including a skunk haired* Drag King who likes to talk about her kidney transplant!

I am also getting myself back into reading at least a book a week, even if it does mean getting up at 6.30 am to fit it in! Last two books I read were pretty good; Norah Vincent's Self Made Man and Thirty something and the clock is ticking by Kasey Edwards which I would consider the most sensible book on motherhood I have ever read!

I also managed to escape for three fabulous hours all on my lonesome today... Imagine it... ALL alone! I even treated myself to a cheeky afternoon glass of wine... ohhh naughty!

Who knows... with all this getting back to me stuff going on, I might even manage to get out Realia #3 sometime in the near to medium future!

*hopefully my new drag king friend has seen Ladies and Gentlemen the fabulous Stains and therefore understands this is most definatly a majorly positive thing!

Good friends and Sharpies...

I am blessed with some terrific friends in my life, and I have always tried to keep up with them on a regular basis, I don't know if its a needy insecurity thing in me or what but I am starting to understand that quality over quantity and that thing about letting them go and if they come back and also that the whole thing is a two way street and phew... can I come up with anymore tacky affirmative assertions?

But that quality over quantity thing is what I'm having to live my life by at the moment and I've had two such experiences of late that definitely fall under the quality category.

I went to see one of my favourite authors, Armistead Maupin, with one of my favourite friends S, also a fellow fan. In fact I think we may have bonded over our mutual love for the man... oh my god 15 years ago!!! But it was just such a lovely evening, went to see him DJ first, then had a lovely curry, and although we ran into a lot of people we both know including my brother (though that wasn't exactly a run into) we got to spend a few good solid hours just catching up. No kiddy distractions, No crowds of people viying for mine or... mostly his attention. Ahhh Bliss!

The other really great friendship experience of late was with the lovely JA. I had contacted Greg MacAinsh (of Skyhooks fame!) about using his short film of the Sharpies he made in 1974 at my event (more on that later). He made me a high quality DVD copy and I was to go pick it up from his house which is near JA's and she is the one person who would understand that hey, this is actually quite a big deal! Turns out the day I ended up going over there she had, um, well, lets just say she was 'under the weather' and leave it at that. So we walked on over from hers and spent a good 1/2 hour in really interesting conversation with a real life Aussie songwriting legend! We even managed to somehow steer the conversation to JA's current love of her life Joan Jett... And we were so good and NOT groupie like, in fact when he went to answer his phone (Ring tone = Gary Glitter's Rock and Roll part 2!) we didn't leave our seats and only craned our heads to snoop around!!!

So the Sharpies event went well, other than a minor technical difficulty and the fact that I was trying to do it all myself so was running around like a mad woman whilst trying to be the talent as well! (We had it as an 'in conversation' piece which was great but I shouldn't have been trying to do everything else too! typical me!!). Anyways despite the fact that I cant really remember what was said as its all went by in such a blur, the night was really well received and I met some really interesting people including Chane Chane, lead singer of 70's Aussie Punk/Sharpie band LaFemme who we managed to convince to give us a lesson in the Sharpie Shuffle... gee I hope someone got that on film!! Film maker Rebecca McLean who showed us a couple of her films and even someone who's mum wrote the book the Delinquents, yep the one made into the film with Kylie. I'm pretty proud of the whole event to be honest and not to blow my own trumpet too much!!!

DoooDoDO! (that was supposed to be a trumpet noise... OK shut up now!)

Get Set for Mr. S!

This post is dedicated to one of my oldest friends Mr. S. 15 years we have under our belts with narry a cross word between us... well that I can remember either!

He's one of those people that draws interesting people to him and my life would be so much greyer for it not for our friendship!

I'm so proud of him, He's got himself this regular DJ gig on a Sunday afternoon "The Sunday Set" at the Toff in Town.

He is totally in his element and each week there is a theme that all the songs must adhere too. This week's was "Luck" so you've got your Tumbling dice, Lucky Star, Knock on Wood, etc. etc. I love it and would be there every week if I could be.

Here they are in the free rag last year...

He's such a sweety boy and I love him (that Nurofen is kicking in!!!)

P.S. He's single if there's any interested gents out there!!

Red Tenting it...

I'm starting think the idea of having a 'Red Tent' such as they had in biblical times for menstruating women to go it is a great idea! I'm sure the boy would sure appreciate it too! Not only do you get to hide out from the world and not have to lift a finger with your 'sisters' looking after you, but the rest of the world doesn't have to put up with you either!!

I'm such a raggy horrible bitch at the moment... not to say no-one else (eg the boy) is to blame because of course everything is his fault. It always is.

Ive been having some good chats with my doctor recently. She said that people are always wanting to find something physically wrong with them because they don't want to admit they are just tired and maybe doing too much. That has really stuck with me. She also said that I have a lot on my plate what with kids and work and running a household etc. and that I should try and take more time out for myself, I actually feel I've got a little too much time to myself at the moment and too much time to think can be a bad thing!!!

She did test my hormone levels for me though, and of course they were normal, I'm not going through early menopause or have an ectopic pregnancy any of the other things my stupid brain comes up with that I get all obsessed about. I'm just fucking normal! How boring is that!

So I walked home (in the rain) and thought stuff the dishes/washing/total fucking mess that is called my house and the rest of the to do list and I am sitting in bed with my peppermint tea, cheesy teenage novel waiting for my Nurofen plus to kick in and closing the door on the rest of the world!

Songs to get you through a break up with a really nasty ex boyfriend (circa. 1995)

For when you start to figure out somethings wrong... maybe around the first time he makes you cry...

"...you look at me the wrong way and I start to cry."



When things start getting too hard, you know somethings wrong but he's got you brainwashed into thinking that it's your fault.

"I'm on your side Are you too blind to see,
I'm on your side You know I'm not the enemy..."



"When you start your get your strength back... you start getting angry and decide you don't wanna take this shit anymore...

"I'm bored staring at the ceiling while you point out my flaws, Ive watched the wallpaper peeling from slamming doors"



"When you finally get the strength to break up with him... Yeah I know that in this some the protagonist was dumped... but its about the anger...

And how he told you that no one else would ever want you and you could never do better than him. Then he comes back and tells you that, although he's been fucking his best (female) friend, that didn't work and he realised it was you that he missed and he wants you to reconsider.

"Every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back I hope you feel it..."



This is for that confused time just after a breakup, that daze you are in when you realise its over, you've gotten out.

The song itself is about stalking your ex... but again, its the ANGER!

"I know that my mind is confusion, I know that you have no more love,
For me and I need a transfusion, or someone to wake me, shake me"



And this ones for when your just so angry, usually with yourself for not seeing that you should have dumped him back at Tina Turner, that you need to jump around the room and scream at the top of your lungs to let it all out.

"Kitty, kitty please come here but don't you touch me don't you dare..."

Tantrums...

Tantrums are exhausting all round! Well except for Bubba-ista who just watched and took the whole thing all in... storing all the ideas in the memory bank for later!!

It was all about clothes, as it usually is with 4 year old girls... Ive tried to bring up a child immune to this crap but it seems its bigger than me! She chose a Summery (read-Slutty!) dress, and although it was mutually agreed upon to wear a Tshirt with it, the problem arose when she wanted to wear the Tshirt underneath and I had said it would go over the top... it's not a big deal I know and to be honest I don't really care, except that I had said that's what we were doing. Its a 15 min walk to childcare, usually a pleasant walk but with a soundtrack of "I wanna see the whole thing..." over and over in THAT voice, and when that didn't work she thought maybe "I don't want the Tshirt..." might change things. I remained strong and clam (on the outside anyways!) and just ignored, but it's so hard, inside I was seething and just wanted to shout at the little brat. And that's the thing, shes not a little brat!

It's 9.30 and I'm already exhausted! Thank the goddess for childcare and a day with just Bubba-ista whose tantrums I'm still able to laugh at and think 'Is that the best you can do, your gonna have to do better than that if you want to get up my nose!'

Old Friends...

I managed to catch up with two old friend this week, both of which I hadn't seen in a year or so and it was lovely. I always get a little paranoid when I don't manage to keep in regular contact with people, I guess in light of the last post I can see where this comes from! I get all worried that I've done something to upset them or that it's going to be awkward or whatever. But we took up where we had left off, as always seems to happen.

I like these encounters with people who knew me in my former life, It not only reminds me of who I was/am (JA said to me the other day "you are still you" and I thank her for that! it was what I needed to hear as I have been feeling pretty lost lately and feel like I am finally clawing myself back again.) but also makes me realise that with real friends it doesn't matter if its been a while and it really is quality over quantity.

And that I am lucky that I have a lot of real friends.

I am a very lucky person!

Ultra...

Here is one of my very early influences. I cant remember how old I was when I read this book but I was early to mid teens and it came out in 1988 when I was 13 so somewhere around then...

I never felt like I fitted in with the present so maybe that's why I became obsessed with the past? I cant remember what attracted me to Andy Warhol's art but it was probably the Marilyn connection because she was one of my first obsessions!

Anyways, Ultra Violet, who was really on the fringes of the factory scene but has managed to still make a career out of her limited involvement, became one of my first real influences when it came to fashion, attitude, and what life really could be like outside of a small town. Reality never lives up to anything that you think, But its nice to believe there might be more out there!

She wore nothing but purple (which was always my favourite colour), actually there is one image that always stuck with me, of her using beetroot to get the right colour lipstick, pulling it out of her bag and cutting a piece off for a touch up whereever she was! And even though she was part of that scene, didn't let it swallow her like it did so many others. So this is Ultra then...

And this is Ultra now...

Looking and thinking about this post has brought back memories of an Ex-friend, O. We had been friends in primary school and re-connected when we were 16. Again, one of the first times I felt I found somewhere I fitted in (I seem to be going though a lot of that lately!). She was interested in art, and 60's music too. She introduced me to the Velvet Underground and Old Movies and the Camperwell Market. But it wasn't to last... she dumped me, in the heartless ways that teenagers dump each other. She wrote me a letter. This long drawn out thing that I wish now I had kept because I'd love to read the melodrama in it! It was all so weird. It was like breaking up with someone who I was never romantically involved though we were closer than any boy/girl style relationship when your 16/17 so it really did hurt a lot more. I think I was just bewildered by the whole thing.

I've had a couple of other similar situations since, where a very close friendship has soured and it always hurts worse than a romantic break up because you expect that of the romantic relationship, not of friendship. But at least those times it had all been brewing and simmering for a while and to be honest it really was a relief. But O was just weird... It came out of the blue and I think it was one of the first times I really had my heart broken.

She did try to come see me again a while later, I think to try to explain but I gave her such the brush off I wouldn't have a clue what we actually talked about. I've always had a mean streak that lasts long after a relationship has ended!!!

deja vu

You'll have to forgive me if I repeat myself on this blog. It's bound to happen. It's something I find myself doing a lot. Repeating myself that is. I think it stems from childhood where I felt nobody ever listened to me. So therefore I find myself repeating myself. A lot. Because I feel people don't listen to me.

Besides which, my brain feels like such a worn out over active sieve at the moment (if that makes any sense) that I can't seem to keep up with what I have written and what I think about writing. And believe me there is a hell of a lot more of the later than the former going on. It doesn't help that I cant even sit at my computer for two minutes before little miss wants to play her dora-little einsteins-mr maker-octonauts-wonder pets-reading eggs-angelina ballerina-diego-freakin' bubble guppies whatever the hell they are games or the boy starts yelling out 'where's my desert/what are you doing/come in here for a cuddle/why don't you love me' or some such co-dependent whining... Honestly he's worse than a small child and given that I have small children I can actually say that with authority.

Anyways, what got me onto this rant was that I was going to have a whinge about my insomnia which seems to have re-reared its ugly head of late including tonight where I was so tired and grumpy that I took myself off to bed early then, as always seems to happen as soon as the light goes off, I'm wide awake and my feet get all hot and my legs start to get all twitchy and then I start thinking about things that would be good to write about on my blog but I cant remember if I have written about them before and if I write about them again will I be caught out embellishing and not letting the truth get in the way of a good story et al.

But back to the insomnia, I couldn't remember if I'd winged about it before because I didn't want to repeat myself because I often do find myself repeating myself and I think it comes from childhood where I felt like no one ever listened to me and I seem to have developed this habit of repeating myself. Again.

New Friends....

I met up with the lovely Julie Mac the other day, Author of RAGE:A sharpies journal, we're doing an event at the Altona North Library on the 16th March... That makes it Hot Rods, Prostitutes, Chocolate, The Occult (Zodiac) and now, Sharpies... Not a bad collection of Library events! Kind of reminds me of the time I stayed in a christian youth hostel in Amsterdam and the sign on the door said;

No Alcohol
No Drugs
No Pornography
No Occult Materials

Well I had two out of the four in my bag when I arrived and It was certainly no stretch for me to find the other two!!

Anyways back to Julie Mac... It was nice to meet someone who, not only had I been corresponding with for a little while, but who you really feel a connection too, not to get too creepy but she felt it too! We've got a lot in common, and the things she mentioned are actually things that, although having known people into the same sort of thing, have never really had friends that I have shared those things with... sorry to sound all cryptic but I know what I mean!!!

So there you go, I've made myself a new friend. I don't think I've made a new one of those for at least 18 months! Go me!!

Oh and don't forget to come to the library on the 16th March!

And while your at it... check out this promo for her book...

You know that space I wanted...

The boy is full of surprises... The boy who, when he's got a day on his own with the kids wont even leave the house has taken them down the beach for the weekend, a full 48 hours without me!

Bliss!!!

Mind you he's going down to stay at his mum's (mega) camp, so she's gonna be there the whole time too, but it's still a massive thing for him to do. He might get a taste of what it's like being with them constantly and having to be fully responsible and watch their every move when not in the home environment. It's going to do him the world of good. And even though he will never admit it's hard work and he will be all like "I don't know what your talking about, it's easy", secretly I will know (and his mum will tell me too!!)

As for me, well they just left, it's 3.30 pm and I've just poured myself a glass of cheap wine, have the Ice cream chilling in the freezer and the music turned up loud. I'm working both days of the weekend, but it's just so nice to have my own SPACE!!!

Space... the final frontier...

I think what I am literally needing in my life is Virginia Woolfe's metaphorical Room of one's own... (or am I metaphorically craving the literal, not really sure anymore!)

I just don't get a lot of space anymore!

One of my happiest living spaces was my little flat overlooking Princess Park in North Carlton, it's the only time I've really lived on my own and I loved it!

Now I share a bedroom, I used to have the spare room where MY bed is to escape to when I needed a little space or couldn't sleep, now that Bubbaista's room (note to any overnight guests, your very welcome as long as you don't mind a roommate!), we have a study, which I thought I could have made mine is taken over by the boys ever expanding collection of hunting and camping equipment which cant possibly live in the shed! And anyone who has little kids will know that you cant even pop into the toilet for a little quiet time since little miss grew tall enough to reach the door handles!

And I no longer have nap times to look forward too either!

Maybe it's just this week because I've been sick and so going to bed super early I don't get that night time me time (and my pile of DVD's is growing too!).

I know that time flies and it wont be long till I'll be complaining and suffering from empty nest syndrome when my kids wont want to know me, but for now... maybe I'll have one more crack at cleaning the study up and maybe do a tape line down the middle... just half a room will do me!

New Years Resolutions...

Here's my New Years Resolutions...

-Be more organised
-Get a new tattoo
-Eat well and exercise
-Move back to the country
-Get a new job (should be above the previous resolution
-Blog more (please note: it's already the 4th of Jan before I'm even posting my resolutions... not a great start!)

I was reading something recently about someone who felt that whatever you do on New Years Day would set the tone for the year... so it looks like this year will see me;

-grumpy from lack of sleep and a messy house
-doing housework
-getting frustrated with the kiddies and the boy
-grocery shopping
-not winning tatslotto
-watching crappy Hollywood movies

Happy 2011!

Bored...

I have no shame in saying I am frickin' bored with my life...

As I spoon another mouthful into my child's mouth, I contemplate the tedium and isolation of the parent with young children... You hear about it, but you don't think its gonna happen to you. For some reason you think you will be immune and your experience will be somehow different. You know your supposed to appreciate every waking moment of your little miracles, but as you spoon another mouthful in, you cant help but remember when you had a brain AND had the opportunity to use it, for a time wen you were appreciated for more than providing 3 nutritious meals a day (most of the time) and keeping the floor vacuumed on a semi-regular basis.

And my partner thinks he's got it hard going out to work full time... I am ready to change places with him in a second!

If I have to pick up another toy or wash another dish or do another load of laundry or clean another bench I am gonna snap... not really but it feels like it somedays... and I'm beginning to do all sorts of stupid things and make all sorts of rookie mistakes, like showing up to work on the wrong day (maybe it was wishful thinking!) or the wrong library branch...

This is not me...

Please somebody get me out of this suburban hellhole...

Still waiting on the phone call about the job that could change things forever...

out of me

I've had Out of me sitting beside my bed for way too many library renewals, I'm not sure if I was avoiding reading it as it might be a little too close to home, but I'm so glad I finally picked it up. Fiona Shaw suffered chronic Post-Natal Depression after the birth of her second child, was hospitalised, had ECT, self-harmed, starved herself but what has come out of it is not only a beautifully well written memoir but also an exploration of autobiographical writing itself.



Now I would never deem to compare myself here, and I don't think I suffered anything more than the mildest of 'Baby blues' but as I have talked about here before, I am still coming to terms with the identity shift that having children brings about. Why only yesterday when I had a rare child-free, work-free day I took myself into the city and for a wander in Fitzroy to remember all that I was missing from my former life, and you know what, yep you guessed it, I'm not actually missing all that much! Apart from the friend I met up with who I hadn't seen in ages, I didn't really want to be there anymore. Typical!



Anyway, back to Ms. Shaw's book. There is one quote that really stood out for me to help explain what I've been feeling; "I, too, was frightened of being left alone in the house with my children. Not because of what I might do to them, or them to me, but because then I could not escape from the knowledge that this was my life now, and there was no getting away from it." (Pg. 187) And I think the thing about this book is it was just so well written, I've read so much lately that is just so badly written, or badly edited and full of mistakes (and it must be bad for the worst of spellers and grammatically
incompetent of petople, i.e. me, to pick up on!)

Well that will teach me for procrastinating...

So I had this post planned based around an article I had seen that one of my facebook 'friends' had made some comment about and so I have been spending the last 1/2 hour trawling through vague acquittance's frickin' Farmville/Frontierville/ whatthefuckeverville crap trying to remember who had put in on there and how long ago and now I've got myself all mad and ranty about fricken' Farmville/Frontierville/ whatthefuckeverville crap... I mean the amount of fucking time you spend on that shit you could have planted a real veggie garden complete with chooks and everything!!!

Anyways, so I was supposed to be getting all mad and ranty about this article where someone had written in asking what people with little kids actually do all day and why, when they have a full time job etc. still manage to answer phone calls/emails etc. yet their friends with kids who are just home all day never seem so be able too, and is it just an excuse for laziness blah blah blah...

What these type of people don't seem to realise is the sheer amount of emotional energy that is expended with little tackers in your midst... that and that anytime you pick up the phone/turn on your computer they are nagging you to play on it themselves that sometimes its just not worth the effort... Frankly, I don't know where a lot of my day goes, but it ain't no excuse for being lazy that's for sure. The amount of people who have had kids since Ive had mine who have then apologised to me saying they never realised how hard it was and if they'd have known they would have brought over more casseroles!!! And that's the thing, you never do know until you experience it, no matter how many times people might tell you...

And then you go and think it will be easier the second time around because you've already done it once... Yeah fucking right!