Meltdown memories...

18 months a go I went through a really bad patch, meltdown for want of a better word (no better word really, that's what it feels like!) This happened on a semi-regular basis, every couple of years or so. I know exactly what triggered that particular episode and It was semi-documented in these fine pages? screens? what adjective suits here??
Anyways, the meltdown was caused by a job non-offer (un-interview even) which I had set my sights so high on and thought was my be all end all position and the only way things were going to work out as I felt they needed to. At the time it seriously felt like the end of the world, and it used to piss me off so much when people would say "there is something better out there for you". I hated it because I couldn't see that, and now I hate it more because they were right. Knowing what I know now I know that that job would have been a bad thing for me. Just the physical and emotional reaction it caused in me is enough to know that I was not ready and seeing what I have since seen, well I know that it would have been very bad place for me. I am able to reflect on this time from a position of smugness and satisfaction of where I have found myself and how I got here.
That'll do for now...

McCindy

How excited was I that one of my favourite photographic artists Cindy Sherman has collaborated with my equal favourite make up line (not that I wear that much...) MAC. I love the types of celebrities they use to endorse their products, Elton John, PuPaul, Lady Gaga, Cyndi Lauper et.al. I love that they have a sense of humour and dont take themselves too seriously, but I hate that it's hideously expensive!!!

Whore-moans

My fucking hormones just won't let up! I feel like I've tried everything short of a complete hysterectomy (which is what the boy seems to think is the solution to EVERYTHING! Hmmm Freudian or what!!) I've tried herbs, injections, implants, the pill, the mini pill and everything seems to either make things worse, to the extent that I feel like I'm slipping into an early menopause (which to be honest would feel like a relief!) or has no effect whatsoever. Its gotten so bad recently that I feel like a 'Raggy Bitch' (the boy, 2004-) at least 2 weeks out of the month, and can pinpoint the PMT onslaught by pain so intense I can pretty much tell which side I am ovulating from and without fail, check the period tracker on my phone which will say "12 days to go" given that it seems to come at least two days early each month and lasts at least until 3-4 days into my period, Somebody ain't a happy camper... at least 1/2 the time anyway!

Riot Grrrl goes Academic...

Best bit about working in an academic library? Access to a whole bunch of new books... Not only through my own uni but also through the Bonus+ affiliates.
I've been, once again immersing myself into the world of Riot Grrrl with...



and...



And today picked up these tastly morsels with which to keep myself out of trouble and strife...

Sneak Preview...

Its funny how moving 'onward and upward' has also brought back so many past memories it aint funny, good ones though, making me see and feel how far i've really come. So thats what my new zines getting at, my journey here juxtaposed with images that take me right back here!!

Oh so many shades of wrong!

My new job see's me buying items for the Health Sciences faculty which brings me into contact with catalogues for midwifery teaching tools... a few of which I just had to share...

Strap on belly with insertable weights to replicate different stages of pregnancy...



Fetus doll with placenta...

And my absolute favourite, the breastfeeding handpuppet with bonus breast!...

Anyone wanna buy a house?

http://www.realestate.com.au/property-house-vic-hoppers+crossing-109775246

Recent net rantings from the 'Hot' Rod...

You know you've made it when you make it to the Herald Sun... she says all tongue in cheek like.

Click here to see a video of my Oi my Papa... but it's the comments I enjoy the most!

This is a recent (hey only 3 months old... theats a recent post for me!) addition to Youtube... enjoy!

Go'in Gaga

I’ve got myself a surprising new obsession... One Miss Lady GaGa. Now know I’m showing how behind I am in the world of Popular culture here, I should have known this years ago, and It’s not that she was completely off my radar, I had most of her hits on my Ipod and had looked upon her costumes with vague interest. But the other night I watched the Monster Ball Live at Madison Square Garden’s Concert on DVD. I started to watch with scepticism and thought it might provide a laugh or two and a distraction while doing the dishes. And at the start of the show was not even entirely convinced that she did actually exist as a person or was just a series of skinny chicks writhing to a backing tape. But much to my surprise, I found myself not only enjoying the show, but gaining a whole new respect for someone that I really hadn’t thought too much about. So now my life is full of Gaga Internet searching, Gaga book borrowing and just general Gaga!!

New New Beginnings... Again

Tomorrow I start a new job that feels oh so right, unlike where I have been working lately which has felt oh so wrong. I learned a long time ago to listen to my gut instinct and this rule has served me well so far... let’s hope it continues.

I think in the process I may have upset a very powerful person. A person I have only met once and who scared the shit out of me! Now I am not easily intimidated so this tells you something!!

But this is someone who has known of my existence for at least 18 months and so far has given me so little time of day yet and is now upset about me leaving after only a few weeks (even though she could offer me no more than a few hours a week) And now others, who have only known of my existence for a few weeks, are prepared to offer me so much more. Feels good and not a hard choice I can tell you!

And a nice little stick it up ya as well!

Full Circle...

So it seems life may have come full circle.

Oh yeah and sorry about the absence, I've been busy trying to get my hormones to behave, sleep and getting myself stressed out about unimportant things such as family, home and work... You know how it is!

Anyways, where was I? Oh Yeah, the circle...

So I went to uni first time round, and I've written about this before, mostly out of fear and expectation. It was the early to mid nineties, the recession we had to have, the "If you don't go to uni you'll never get a job"/"if you take some time off between uni you'll never go back" era. I went to the uni I went to because I got in there in a last minute scramble for student numbers and I stayed because I was there and I always felt like I was missing out on something or that somehow I just wasn't sure why I was where I was. Anyways, I'm rambling...

It was a country uni close to where I grew up and basically I really just wanted to get to the city.

But yesterday I was offered a job at the library of said country/first uni. And I'm pretty goddamn excited about it for many reasons.

The 1st being that some of my life "choices" are starting to make sense to me.

The 2nd because I can tell another workplace to shove it, well sort of, I want to stay on good terms but given that I'd been trying to get in there for about 2 years and all they are prepared to offer me is band 3 casual and well, um, stick it up ya!

3rd, this is yet another fated kind of "perfect timing" situation that I have found myself in many times in my life. sorry to get all spiritual and airy fairy on you, but this is not the first time that my forthright nature, as well as said good timing have got me somewhere!

I'm not sure how its going to go, I've never worked in an academic library and I might hate it, they might not want to keep me on, but right now it feels like things are falling into place and my life is actually starting to make sense to me... its only taken 36 years!

This weeks reading...

Happy National Year of Reading!

Sorry it's a day late, but I started the year off grumpy... (but reading!!)



This weeks reading...

Batty but Wishful...

I just finished Wishful Drinking by one Ms Carrie Fisher, yes she of the Star Wars fame (come on... arn't you all over that by now??? but unfortunately no mention of her other great works e.g. The Blues Brothers, Charlies Angles, Jay and Silent Bob strike back and who could forget her best ever film Drop Dead Fred!!!

I don't know, I just loved her free flowing un pretentious totally honest ranty style of writing,and it also helps that she's completely batty...

I liked it so much I've used my last precious reserve (only 15... bah!) on her follow up Shockaholic.

Guess that makes him 43 3/4

Found out this week that I just missed the 30th Anniversary of my favorite ever literary character one Mr. Adrian Mole...

Satans Claws...

I don't know how many times as a parent I have had to eat my pre-procreation-smug-filled words, but here we go again...

Anyone who knows me would have heard my Santa Rants... I mean, the guy is creepy "come sit on my lap little girl and tell me what you want", "It's lying to your'e children" "He makes the poor kids think they've been bad" blah blah blah...

So how come Christmas eve I find myself not only eating my words but half a carrot at the front door and scoffing down the milk and cookies left out for the fat man (well I should get SOMETHING out of it) and getting all swept away with it the next morning? and how can my heart not melt when Little Miss tells me that of her whole Christmas/Birthday three day extravaganza getting up to see that Santa had been and "I didn't even hear him..."

I love being a cynical bitch, but I forgot how much innocence can be too!

Alli just can't get her groove back...

Here's my list of new years resolutions from 12 months ago...

1. Meh

2.Yes - Yay!

3. Hmmm... well I did join a team sport so that does look good on paper (screen!)

4. Check

5. feelers are out there... more news to follow!

6. well that's kind of why I'm here, you see i've no excuse really... just can't seem to get my groove back!

Other achievements from the year include...

• Actually putting myself out there to start Roller Derby Training - Yay me!
• Producing my first (and second) Zine - Third is up there in the brain... ditto as above - just can't seem to get my groove back.
• Survived probably the most intense job of my life working full time in a highly demanding role with two small children... just one minor hiccup/meltdown!!
• I'm sure there's more... and once I do get said groove back I'm sure it will come to me!

New Favorite Librarian

I've been meaning to upload this for ages, turns out one of my favorite VRDL Roller Derby stars is also a librarian!!! WooHoo... now if only I could find out what school Lucky day 24/7 works at and I'd know where to send Little Miss next year!!!

Tattoo me!

Catching up on some important reading, I came across this article in my 5th favorite magazine (Frankie) about my favorite tattoo artist Miss Jane... hmmm me thinks its a sign I might need to call and make an appointment!!

Don't drink and blog...

Howdy folks, Long time no see...

So here's the update... finished the full-time 'I'm the Boss and a superwoman and I can do it all' job that nearly killed me and caused one major meltdown (as well as a few minor ones) but I got through it and almost cried when I finished and one dashing (not so) young man hugged me and told me I was the best boss he ever had! It wasn't the full time that did it, it was the role itself and I am not ashamed to admit it, it was too much for me! So confirmed when the person who's role it actually is said to me "you know I was actually quite surprised when you applied for it given that I know how much of my work/life balance is made up of work (do I need to point out here that this person DOES NOT have 2 small children??) But I made it through even though it was touch and go there at one stage (see above: meltdown) but hey... three days of not being able to get out of bed and a rather convenient excuse with a flu already going around work and no-one was the wiser!

So here's what I learned from the experience...

-G has had some really crappy bosses in his time if I am the best he's ever had!

-I CAN work at that kind of level but I do not WANT to work at that level!

- I've had too much to drink tonight to think of anymore

Here's what happened next...

I went from being a Full-Time working mum to a Full-Time single mum which is making me question which are the more immature to deal with?

Seriously.

Anyways, for the past two years it has been talked about, and even when I follow through with someone else's idea I am still the bad guy! I decided that something needed to happen so I just made it happen so here I am. And in the words of the great Barbra Feldon (that's 99 folks), Living alone (all be it with two small children) and loving it! I've moved back to the Ol' home town in order for Little Miss to start school here next year. Everything's gone and turned upside down and not everyone is coming along for the ride but I am at the point where I really couldn't give a shit, I am looking after myself and my kiddies and if anyone else wants a part of that, well they better get proving it quick smart!! For the past, well I guess 6 1/2 years since I moved out maybe, I've missed that feeling I had when I lived on my own for the only time in my life in the funkiest little apartment in Nth Carlton that was ALL mine, well guess what folks, I am back in control and it feels soooooo good. The going back to full-time mum bit I will admit it VERY tough, but I'm getting through and biding my time until I get the balance back, it's all good... as is Wild Turkey Honey Liquor... nighty night!

A review from a long time ago... thanks! issue #3 sometime soon...