out of me

I've had Out of me sitting beside my bed for way too many library renewals, I'm not sure if I was avoiding reading it as it might be a little too close to home, but I'm so glad I finally picked it up. Fiona Shaw suffered chronic Post-Natal Depression after the birth of her second child, was hospitalised, had ECT, self-harmed, starved herself but what has come out of it is not only a beautifully well written memoir but also an exploration of autobiographical writing itself.



Now I would never deem to compare myself here, and I don't think I suffered anything more than the mildest of 'Baby blues' but as I have talked about here before, I am still coming to terms with the identity shift that having children brings about. Why only yesterday when I had a rare child-free, work-free day I took myself into the city and for a wander in Fitzroy to remember all that I was missing from my former life, and you know what, yep you guessed it, I'm not actually missing all that much! Apart from the friend I met up with who I hadn't seen in ages, I didn't really want to be there anymore. Typical!



Anyway, back to Ms. Shaw's book. There is one quote that really stood out for me to help explain what I've been feeling; "I, too, was frightened of being left alone in the house with my children. Not because of what I might do to them, or them to me, but because then I could not escape from the knowledge that this was my life now, and there was no getting away from it." (Pg. 187) And I think the thing about this book is it was just so well written, I've read so much lately that is just so badly written, or badly edited and full of mistakes (and it must be bad for the worst of spellers and grammatically
incompetent of petople, i.e. me, to pick up on!)