blah blah blah...

So much of my relationship with the boy has been me fighting against it and then me having to eat my words...

First off I thought I was this super independent "don't give me any of that 'when can you fit me into your busy schedule' crap." Then I went off overseas for four months a year into our relationship, and then we moved in together and I was all insistent that everything be split 50/50 even though I was studying that year and had a lot less money coming in and managed to get myself into some major credit card debt over my stupid pigheadedness and then I got pregnant and had a baby which totally shifted all dynamics from which I only now feel like I'm getting a balance on again... What is it about little people coming into your life that make those gender stereotypes you've spent your whole life fighting against come out so strong and your at such a vulnerable point that you let other take advantage of that! And now I'm feeling all depressed that I just found out an ex proposed to his girlfriend and the boy will probably never propose to me because I've said too many times that I don't want to get married and what would I want to go and do a stupid thing like that for and marriage is an institution and I don't want to be institutionalised and blah blah blah... I don't even know If I believe in it or think it should really matter... I guess I'm just feeling a little insecure, which of course if you had've asked me back then would be the only reason anyone would want to get married, but there is this little part of me that would sort of like to have the same last name as my kids, even though I've always said if I got married I wouldn't be changing my name and blah blah blah... Or maybe I'm just getting soft in my old age!

Stupid ex-boyfriends... lucky your the one I got over my hatred of long ago or I would have been really pissed off!

Congratulations by the way!