Escape to the country

By the time you see this we will (hopefully) have settled on our new house right out in the bush almost out in the middle of nowhere and I can't wait! I am so glad to have gotten out of the hellhole suburb, it really was a case of waking up one morning with a "how the hell did we get here?" realisation, but I am not focusing on the past, only the future!
I can't wait to wake up in the morning to THAT view and have my friends come stay at the 'Area 51' campground and really just surround myself with positiveness, fresh air and light... what a frickin' Hippie!

I went to the launch of the new Vali book at Outre Gallery on Friday. I went even though I knew I would hate being there. I mean, I love Outre and, well hopefully everyone knows how i feel about Vali! But that's just it, I hate that the place is crowded with wannabes, when I actually KNEW her, but that is just so selfish of me I know. I should be sharing her with the world. And there are so many more people who I would love to meet or have met and haven't and does that make it wrong for me to want to celebrate them. I'm being such a horrible bitch about this. I should be so glad that someone has published another book about my absolute hero, even though I couldn't pick up my copy I pre-ordered grrrr. And sharing her legacy. Or maybe I'm just jealous because I sent them some of my photo's which (I don't think anyways) they didn't use, and BUST magazine never did publish that article I wrote and maybe I should just shut up and look at this wonderful picture of vali by Angelique Houtkamp (who I also love but SHOCK HORROR have never met!!)

Friends...

I mentioned my friend D in my last post.
D and I have known each other since primary school, and in the last couple of years of high school were part of the same wider friendship group. He was someone I always felt intimidated around. One of those uber-intelligent people, and I was sure he thought of me as the dumb blonde. It wasn't until I went to stay with him in Japan that I really got to know him, and found out we had so much more in common than what I ever thought possible.
He was there on his own at the time while his (then) wife was back in Oz finishing off some study.
No it was NOT like that thank you very much!
But I do think he really enjoyed having some company and I really enjoyed the free accommodation and was not expecting that I would find a close friend out of it. I had such a great time with him in a country that I had never thought to visit other than the opportunity presenting itself (I will never pass up free accommodation!)
I went back a few years later as I wanted to visit when his (then) wife was there so we could do all the girly stuff (as much as I love him I cannot imagine ever visiting Onsen with D!).
Then the third time I visited was a classic... I was on my way to the states and in investigating flights, my travel agent, knowing I had friends there, presented me with the option of a 23 hour stopover in Japan with hotel room paid for by the airline. I emailed D & (then) wife and said "just wondering when you are doing on the night of such and such and do you want to take me out to dinner?"
D & I only get to catch up maybe once a year, but I love the idea that someone you've know a long time and have a certain perception of can surprise you. And maybe in turn you can surprise yourself.

My newest friend S is a real inspiration me... I met her through Derby at a time when I was seriously contemplating how much dedication I had to keep on training. She is pushing me to see just how far I can take it, and is number one contender to be my derby wife! We are at about the same level and are forming quite the competitive friendship. We are about the only two who are ready to take the next step (mind you I have been at this a lot longer than she!) and am starting to feel the frustration at being held back by others... Now that I've made the decision and all!

I was told by a psychic once that I am a very open person and make friends easily. At the time It was certainly not how it felt, but I think that comment made me really take stock of the friendships I have and appreciate them. I've been through some pretty lonely times, (when I could not find a friend...) But I think it just took me a long time to really find the people I fitted in with... Now I have them in abundance!

You've come a long way baby...

This year has been weird.
There has been a lot of past stuff churned up for me. It's not just being back in the ol' home town, but being back at the ol' first uni, which has taken me back to thinking a lot about the person I was then and the person I was with then, who also happens to be back in town (see below) and who I have still have old issues with.

I happened to run into him the other day.
It was a good thing.
It was going to have to happen eventually.
I was looking hot.
He was looking old and pathetic.

Then this week I caught up with an old friend, D. My friendship with D is a strange one, but also a reminder of how your impressions of someone can change dramatically given the chance. It's also reminder of how far removed I am from the person I, and others, thought I was back then. We got talking about said previous individual with whom this person also has interesting history.
Suffice to say its all been very cathartic.
Headache inducing, but cathartic.

This person still haunts me.
Maybe he always will.
Maybe I need that as the reminder that I will never be that person ever again.
Maybe I needed that then to move me from the person I was then to the person I was to become.
Maybe I just need to get over it.
Maybe I need to forgive myself.
Maybe he's just a dickhead...

Tonight I went on a walk on my dinner break. I decided to go past some of my old haunts around the campus and revise a few memories. I had not so many memories as realisations of how long ago that was and how much has happened to me, not just in the 15 years since I was last here in my former life, but in the 6 or so months I've been back.

I needed that.
I felt like a grown up for the first time in a while.