Plan B...

OK, seems its time to make a plan B...

I had figured out it was coming, the rejection letter that is, but no news being good news allowed me to keep that faint glimmer alive just that little bit. But it came yesterday. And it hurt.

I know it was wrong to pin my hopes on one thing, and to get myself so excited by something so out of my control. The realists in my life kept reminding me of that. And I tried so hard to not think about. And I guess the mental state that this situation got me into is maybe indication that it this job wouldn't have been a good idea. It would probably have been too much pressure. If the application process proved too much for my sometimes fragile emotional state to cope with what would the actual job do to me once I got in there and realised my expectations and reality were not on the same wavelength. I just really thought I was in with a chance there is all. The fact that I am qualified, experienced, full of ideas and have a solid connection to the area. I really thought I had everything they would be looking for.

But to not even get an interview is a pretty big slap in the face if you ask me!

And of course I had told everyone about it too!

I know that it cant have been anything personal if they haven't even met me! But that doesn't help me to not feel even a little bit rejected.

Fact is that work is about the only thing I am feeling any kind of confidence with at the moment. Its only place I feel like I am in control and I know what I'm doing.

I am feeling a little de ja vu here, same thing happened about 7 years ago. A company I'd already worked for, same role that I'd held overseas for said company, figured it was a given, but hey, at least I didn't have to wait four weeks with that one, I got the letter the day after the interview! It sure knocked my confidence for six, but then in the proceeding weeks I got 4 job offers out of 5 interviewed for, and ended up with a job so much better for me.

So I'm OK and at least I know where I stand now, it was the waiting I couldn't handle.

And if my past is any indication, something will come up soon and within 3-6 months I will have already moved a few rungs up the ladder!

To move my family back to the country and a more communal upbringing is what I so desperately want to do right now and I thought this was going to be it, so plan B awaits... stay tuned!