out of me

I've had Out of me sitting beside my bed for way too many library renewals, I'm not sure if I was avoiding reading it as it might be a little too close to home, but I'm so glad I finally picked it up. Fiona Shaw suffered chronic Post-Natal Depression after the birth of her second child, was hospitalised, had ECT, self-harmed, starved herself but what has come out of it is not only a beautifully well written memoir but also an exploration of autobiographical writing itself.



Now I would never deem to compare myself here, and I don't think I suffered anything more than the mildest of 'Baby blues' but as I have talked about here before, I am still coming to terms with the identity shift that having children brings about. Why only yesterday when I had a rare child-free, work-free day I took myself into the city and for a wander in Fitzroy to remember all that I was missing from my former life, and you know what, yep you guessed it, I'm not actually missing all that much! Apart from the friend I met up with who I hadn't seen in ages, I didn't really want to be there anymore. Typical!



Anyway, back to Ms. Shaw's book. There is one quote that really stood out for me to help explain what I've been feeling; "I, too, was frightened of being left alone in the house with my children. Not because of what I might do to them, or them to me, but because then I could not escape from the knowledge that this was my life now, and there was no getting away from it." (Pg. 187) And I think the thing about this book is it was just so well written, I've read so much lately that is just so badly written, or badly edited and full of mistakes (and it must be bad for the worst of spellers and grammatically
incompetent of petople, i.e. me, to pick up on!)

Best things about the Runaways movie...

• The first shot of the movie is of Menstrual Blood.


• The costumes are Hot Hot HOT!


• KS does an ace job of Joan Jett, I was worried I would be sitting there thinking I am watching the chick from Twilight but it didn't cross my mind once!


• Dakota is equally hot and soooo totally the right choice to really hit home how young Cherie Currie was when wearing that Cherry bomb outfit!


• Dakota and Kristian get it on!!!


• They do such a great job of the singing that they could splice in the real Runaways songs when it used as background music without any disjointedness.


• The colouring of the film totally matches the mid 70's.


• The Cinematography is beautiful


• I got to see it for free!!! (3 weeks ago - just slow on the posting!!!)

Cupcakes a Ga Ga...

Two Funny things that came my way yesterday...

This Blog post on NPR (America's National Public Radio's Monkey See) about how library might be the new cupcakes... I like the bit about libraries get in fights, and libraries give you stuff for free!

And mentioned in this article but came my way via a totally different medium is this clip of the Washington Information Studies Students and Faculty going GaGa!

Zine, Zine, you know what I mean...

We've just got a whole bunch of Zines in the library, trying to be all cool and hip and funky and 'engage' with the teenagers and all that! Ahhh its taking me back to the mid-to-late nineties when DIY publishing involved cut-and-paste and a photocopy card.

I always meant to start my own Zine, just like I'd always meant to start a blog way back when...

And I thought I'd start a revolution...

I just never got around to it!

Yay you Zinesters who actually did it!!!

Wanna know what shits me off more than anything else in the world...

People who steal from the library, I mean, you don't need to steal it...

We let you take it for free!!!!

Super dooper mega whatsit plastic shit bonanzer!!!

I read a lot about the sexualisation of young girls, and lucky (hopefully!) I'm still a couple of years away from that one. But whats really bothering me at the moment, though I guess I've always known it to be there is just the blatant consumerism involved with children, it just seems to be getting so much worse, or maybe I'm noticing it more now.

Case in point 1. A friend of mine posted on her facebook profile something about going around 7 different toy stores trying to find this particular doll that her daughter absolutely HAD to have... This horrified me because her daughter is only a couple of months older than Little Miss, but the thing is that Little Miss wouldn't have a clue what dolls were out there and probably couldn't care less anyways... Now either I've got a frickin' child genius on my hands that knows not to get sucked into this consumer crap (well it's a possibility!)But where the hell do these kids that young find out about them...Too much commercial TV? Too many trips to the toy store? Too many parents instead of saying "Oh yeah she's nice" when looking at the ad/toy catalogue/whatever actively encouraging their kid to want want want... and then having to run around to however many frickin' stores trying to find it.

Case in point 2. My local Target store (I'm sure not just MY local target store!) was opening at One past Midnight for their Mega Fabbo Whatsit Super Dooper Toy Sale the other day... And I bet there were many many parents waiting at 30 seconds to One past midnight waiting for the doors to open... I worked in a Toy store for a while a few years back and I have to tell you, kids are fine, its the parents I cant stand!!! And I tell you what, the experience scared me for life! (but I did love the little kids who came in and counted out their money box coins to buy their carefully selected once a whenever treat! Better than the ones who would say 'just put it on your card mum'!!!) Anyways so I got a bit suckered in and thought maybe to be a good parent I should be taking a look and buying it all now so I can put it all away in the cupboard to forget about so as to buy more in December and get tricked into buying twice as much... So I took a look at the however many many MANY page catalogue of everything my 3 year old needs to feel complete in life and I have to tell you it was all CRAP! I mean Frickin' Masterchef have even got on board with their own line of Frickin' plastic pretend kitchen crap now... Whats wrong with making your kids use their imagination and play with the pots and pans already on hand in the REAL kitchen... Little Miss loves to pretend to do the dishes, well honey that don't need no pretend sink coz we've got a real one! Complete with bubbles too courtesy of the dish washing liquid!

Here's a novel idea folks, say 'NO!' When I take Little Miss to the supermarket and she says 'Look mum, Dora' I just say 'oh yeah isn't that nice' or 'It sure is' or whatever and just keep walking. So anyways, this ranting does have a point. (And more than just a smug point about how much of a superior being I am by depriving my kid which will of course bite me on the arse later!) All this consumer crap comes from the parents, not the kids, but your bringing your kids up to buy into it and measure all that plastic shit to your self worth... just say 'No' and give them a stick and a piece of string to play with!!!

Well that will teach me for procrastinating...

So I had this post planned based around an article I had seen that one of my facebook 'friends' had made some comment about and so I have been spending the last 1/2 hour trawling through vague acquittance's frickin' Farmville/Frontierville/ whatthefuckeverville crap trying to remember who had put in on there and how long ago and now I've got myself all mad and ranty about fricken' Farmville/Frontierville/ whatthefuckeverville crap... I mean the amount of fucking time you spend on that shit you could have planted a real veggie garden complete with chooks and everything!!!

Anyways, so I was supposed to be getting all mad and ranty about this article where someone had written in asking what people with little kids actually do all day and why, when they have a full time job etc. still manage to answer phone calls/emails etc. yet their friends with kids who are just home all day never seem so be able too, and is it just an excuse for laziness blah blah blah...

What these type of people don't seem to realise is the sheer amount of emotional energy that is expended with little tackers in your midst... that and that anytime you pick up the phone/turn on your computer they are nagging you to play on it themselves that sometimes its just not worth the effort... Frankly, I don't know where a lot of my day goes, but it ain't no excuse for being lazy that's for sure. The amount of people who have had kids since Ive had mine who have then apologised to me saying they never realised how hard it was and if they'd have known they would have brought over more casseroles!!! And that's the thing, you never do know until you experience it, no matter how many times people might tell you...

And then you go and think it will be easier the second time around because you've already done it once... Yeah fucking right!

blah blah blah...

So much of my relationship with the boy has been me fighting against it and then me having to eat my words...

First off I thought I was this super independent "don't give me any of that 'when can you fit me into your busy schedule' crap." Then I went off overseas for four months a year into our relationship, and then we moved in together and I was all insistent that everything be split 50/50 even though I was studying that year and had a lot less money coming in and managed to get myself into some major credit card debt over my stupid pigheadedness and then I got pregnant and had a baby which totally shifted all dynamics from which I only now feel like I'm getting a balance on again... What is it about little people coming into your life that make those gender stereotypes you've spent your whole life fighting against come out so strong and your at such a vulnerable point that you let other take advantage of that! And now I'm feeling all depressed that I just found out an ex proposed to his girlfriend and the boy will probably never propose to me because I've said too many times that I don't want to get married and what would I want to go and do a stupid thing like that for and marriage is an institution and I don't want to be institutionalised and blah blah blah... I don't even know If I believe in it or think it should really matter... I guess I'm just feeling a little insecure, which of course if you had've asked me back then would be the only reason anyone would want to get married, but there is this little part of me that would sort of like to have the same last name as my kids, even though I've always said if I got married I wouldn't be changing my name and blah blah blah... Or maybe I'm just getting soft in my old age!

Stupid ex-boyfriends... lucky your the one I got over my hatred of long ago or I would have been really pissed off!

Congratulations by the way!

Future Radio...

The ABC radio book show had an article on Future of Libraries and Librarians the other day... Lots of talk of Stereotypical Librarians!

Big Fat Bitch...

Some favourite paragraphs in The Big Fat Bitch Book for grown-up girls, Kate Figes study of the art Bitching...

"Women can be deeply supportive of one another: but they can also kill each other with words. We understand exactly where the weaknesses of other women lie because all too often we feel weak in those areas ourselves."

(a study found that) "Up to two-thirds of the conversation of both sexes is gossip, with the only real difference being that men like to talk about themselves."

"Girls are expected to be kinder, less aggressive, and more supportive of each other. So girls learn to suppress their crueler tendencies and then let them out in even more lethal ways"

"You get much closer to a person when you share a mutual dislike for another person than you do over someone you both like"

"Some evolutionary biologists believe that the roots of bitching lie, in part, embedded deep within out gender and the reproductive imperative, for bitching is a low risk form of veiled aggression. Teenage girls tend to bitch most about aspects of appearance, sex and sexuality because they matter in the competitive mating game... Research shows that aggression between women becomes more direct and physical as resources get scarcer..."

"Women get just as angry as men and have a great deal more to get angry about but their not supposed to show it. Male aggression is still considered 'natural' and valorised while aggression in women can be considered unnatural, irrational, hormonal and evidence of mental instability."

And Ive only just finished the introduction!

Julie, Julia... and Ravinder!

A movie about food and blogging... how could I resist!

Last time the boy went away I tucked myself up on the couch with Julie & Julia, Oh such a cute film, it made me feel both warm and fuzzy, but also all depressed! It totally contributed to my existential crisis, which seems to be my permanent state of being these days! But hey, that's kind of what the film (and book, I'll get to that shortly!) was all about!

It made me feel that there is no focus or theme to this blog, its just all over the place, random thoughts... but that's me, I've always got a million things going on and cant seem to keep the focus to just one! I try to write about the books that I read, but I only get about 1/2 of them down on... screen! Anyways, Totally watch the film... and here's a little Gem I found on You Tube for you, its called Julia Child Vs Meryl Streep;





So watching the film inspired me to read the book by Julie Powell, It's good but I was a little disappointed, like many Blogs turned book it was a little all over the place, (either try to keep true to the blog or give the whole story an overhaul!) E.G. she was talking at leangth about a certian food (see I've gone and forgotten what it was now... makes my arguments seem VERY well reserched and thought out!) It could have been the Lobster, or maybe the Eggs, I just can't remember! Anyways, then a couple of chapters later she's back to the same food, and it kind of made it all feel a bit disjointed to me. But I don't want to critisise her too much coz I really liked her, I thought she was really sweet and I related to the many hissy fits and meltdowns she endured!!!

So this is one of those cases where I am going to say that I enjoyed the film more than the book (and there are many of these cases out there, no matter what people say! Particuly when it comes to Mr. Steven King... but that's for another post!) But I do often think judgment is clouded by whether you watched the film or read the book first.

Speaking of cooking books, I think I have found my favourite ever! It's called Cook in Boots by Ravinder Bhogal. Not just because she's got a great first name and shes HOT! With chapters titles along the lines of; PMT, Rude food, I heart carbs and Frugal food for when you've spent all your money on shoes, how could I not love it, and I've made two things from it and they were totally yummy and easy to make with no fiddly crap or pretentiousness of many of the cooking books I bring home from the library. (Oh and hey, my birthdays coming up soon, this one and the Cooks Companion and I reckon I'd be set!)





And then there's the one I started last night... We're trying to save a little money at the moment and the library got a new one called Family feasts for under $75 a week. Trouble is it's very American, and I don't mean any offence to my American friends here, but I am going to get all stereotypical on your arse! (that's ass in American!). It's all Hamburgers and Frozen burritos and Pork Chops and Pizza and creamer in your Coffee... It's such a basic book trying to educate about basic Fruit and Vegetables and it's all just such obvious stuff that It's getting me angry and making me feel very superior and snobby all at once!



So the money saving tips that have stood out for me so far are;

Try to drink half as much Cola... OK, done that without moving a muscle (ever tried drinking water!!??)

Try to buy two less packets of chips a month... Yep done that one too (I wouldn't exactly call them an essential item!)

and this one was the clincher;

Use cloth instead of paper dish towels... what? You guys dry your dishes with paper? Man, I'm saving money already and I haven't even changed any of my habits!