Femi-nazi? Femi-nuffy more like it... AKA my history in feminism

I identify as a feminist, but it’s such a loaded word, as I soon came to understand as a Naive first year student at a country university taking Women’s Studies because it sounded interesting.

I always heard that feminists were crazy women and they might get somewhere if they just figured out what they want as the media pitted one feminist against another with very different ideals and priorities. Of course I heard this from my bigoted, narrow minded father whose other such rants took on topics such as Aboriginal land rights, Greeks, left wing politicians, Homosexuals, Immigrants etc. Etc. You get the idea! Whose answer to any kind of further explanation was always “one day you’ll understand” which I only came to realise later meant he had no further debate and his whole perspective of the situation came from A Current affair/60 minutes. (But then again he also assumed that nobody likes Pumpkin soup and everyone likes country music and could never understand if he was ever challenged on these beliefs.)

Anyways I was going somewhere with this rant!

Ive always thought that chicks were great but thought you had to have some academic kind of qualification or have had some sort of radical initiation to be able call yourself a feminist. I remember enrolling in the Women’s studies subject and making some offhand comment to my then boyfriend along the lines of “Ha, wont my dad love it if I come home and tell him I’m a feminist... how would he cope with that first a gay son then a feminist daughter...” and then-boyfriend said “why don’t you already call yourself a feminist” which got me to thinking (turns out this boyfriend might have been useful for something after all now I think about it!).

Anyways back on the track... So in undertaking this course I discover that its not that simple... there’s your radical feminist, your Marxist feminists, your separatist, queer, eco, black, liberal, not to mention your second-wave, third-wave and post feminists and it goes on and on and on... I JUST THINK CHICKS ARE GREAT! I love it when women beat men at their own game, I believe that women can do everything and anything that men can (and more) and want the opportunity to be available to all. and I have no issue with pornography or women using their bodies if THEY ARE THE ONES IN CONTROL and doing it because they want to.

But it’s choice that I think it comes down to, and I respect if that choice includes things traditionally under the feminine gender stereotype like being a stay at home mum, a nurse, knitting, baking cupcakes or whatever floats your boat. I love that these things are being reclaimed, and I love it even more when men do them too. I think the world these days is hard for men too, and I respect anyone who can loudly and proudly JUST BE THEMSELVES! (P.S.I love knitting and baking cupcakes so there!)

Feminism still gets a bad rap, a friend of mine the other day said something along the lines of “yeah they did a lot of great stuff for women but now we are expected to do it all, work, babies, all of it.” There is a lot of truth in that, and it’s defiantly something I struggle with everyday. Life would be a lot easier for me if I were happy to be a stay at home mum/subservient housewife but I’m afraid it ain't gonna happen! It was never going to be like that. And it would be nice if the boy would come along for that ride and meet me half way but he seems to delight in making life hard for me! Things were fine before the kiddlies came along, we would each cook every second night and whoever didn’t cook did the dishes blah blah. But for some reason when the kiddiewinks came along 50’s housewife style gender divides came into play. And I’d just like to add here in my defence that pretty much the year after you have a baby is the most vulnerable time in a woman’s life and if there is someone willing to take advantage of that then you’re in big trouble lady (trust me I know!)

So how does one fix this mess, without becoming a ‘bitch’ or a ‘nag’ (my current tag). The only way out I can currently see for the boy to once again take me seriously again is to return to full-time work, it’s the only way I can see he might meet me half way, but I think I’m kidding myself there too. I want him to become a stay at home or at least part time working dad, Then I get to just lie on the couch when I get home from work until called to the table for tea (but only once it’s served up and on the table for me!) Actually I don’t think that’s how it will really be but whatever happens, I can’t wait to see how he handles it all. “This is easy” will no doubt be all I will here “I don’t know what you were winging about”, all that! But I’ll know...

How does one juggle all these identities ‘wife’(I use this term loosley!), mother, lover, career-gal, feminist without dropping any of the (metaphorical) balls? Will he ever meet me ½ way? Will those feminists on the telly ever agree on what it is they are fighting for? Join me in the next life for the answers to these questions and more...