deja vu

You'll have to forgive me if I repeat myself on this blog. It's bound to happen. It's something I find myself doing a lot. Repeating myself that is. I think it stems from childhood where I felt nobody ever listened to me. So therefore I find myself repeating myself. A lot. Because I feel people don't listen to me.

Besides which, my brain feels like such a worn out over active sieve at the moment (if that makes any sense) that I can't seem to keep up with what I have written and what I think about writing. And believe me there is a hell of a lot more of the later than the former going on. It doesn't help that I cant even sit at my computer for two minutes before little miss wants to play her dora-little einsteins-mr maker-octonauts-wonder pets-reading eggs-angelina ballerina-diego-freakin' bubble guppies whatever the hell they are games or the boy starts yelling out 'where's my desert/what are you doing/come in here for a cuddle/why don't you love me' or some such co-dependent whining... Honestly he's worse than a small child and given that I have small children I can actually say that with authority.

Anyways, what got me onto this rant was that I was going to have a whinge about my insomnia which seems to have re-reared its ugly head of late including tonight where I was so tired and grumpy that I took myself off to bed early then, as always seems to happen as soon as the light goes off, I'm wide awake and my feet get all hot and my legs start to get all twitchy and then I start thinking about things that would be good to write about on my blog but I cant remember if I have written about them before and if I write about them again will I be caught out embellishing and not letting the truth get in the way of a good story et al.

But back to the insomnia, I couldn't remember if I'd winged about it before because I didn't want to repeat myself because I often do find myself repeating myself and I think it comes from childhood where I felt like no one ever listened to me and I seem to have developed this habit of repeating myself. Again.

Past Embarrasments...

What was the first album you got/bought?

Mine are actually OK... first one I got was Dire Straits Brothers in Arms, first one I bought was Madonna's Like a Virgin (both on tape of course!) Both classic albums... how boring is that! The answer to that question is supposed to heed much embarrasment! So here are a few gems from my childhood should have remain forgotten, except for the fact I have no (well very little anyway) Shame!

I was in trouble once and my mum took this one off me as a punishment... she should have kept it!


How embarrassing is this one? the fact that I owned it or that it was even produced in the first place! The standout track was "Eat your heart out Rick Springfield" which took me a while to figure out was a response to "Jesse's Girl" even though it wasn't actually sung by Jesse "The Body" Ventura! In researching this I found it's even got it's own Wikipedia entry!!


Now here's one that I really should be embarrassed about but am not, it's also what inspired this post! Neils heavy concept album was mentioned on RRR the other day... Yep Neil from the Young Ones, my favourite program as a kid (still up there!), harmless fun really but freaked out my Granny when we went to stay there (mind you the episode we watched there was Sick!). I bet I could even dig up this one if I needed too (also on tape mind you!)

And speaking of the Young Ones, for your viewing pleasure...

The good stuff...

OK so the last post talked about the trash I've been watching/reading... and that's not all that I'm about so here's some recent highlights I might mention in polite company...

The Hedgehog based on The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery (recommended to me by one of my more influential and serendipitous if not absent friends A.)

The No. 1 Ladies detective agency on DVD recommended by Library Jo based on the novels by Alexander McCall Smith (which I've always meant to read and never got around to!)

Fall Girl by Toni Jorden (Author of Addition) which brought to mind another of my favourite books Honk if you are Jesus by Peter Goldsworthy but that might just be the Tasmanian Tiger connection

Just Kids by Patti Smith which I am amazed at myself it took me so long to get around to reading considering I love both Patti Smith and Robert Mapplethorpe.

Trash-a-rama

Anyone who knows me knows that I love a good bit of trash at times... recent examples may include; Secret Diary of a Call girl on DVD (the only TV show that could come anywhere near replacing Sex and the City for me!), Joan Rivers A piece of work, Julian Clarey's A young mans passage, I like you by Amy Sedaris, Nasty Girl by Ma-Ling Lee (another of about 20 million "memoirs" of sex industry workers that I seem just so intrigued by... no matter how fictitious they seem!). Anything by Candace Bushnell (who wrote Sex and the City), or Lauren Wiesberger (who wrote The devil wears Prada), both of which have just progressed into the trashy chick lit genre since promising starts... not that there's anything wrong with that!

But I may have just crossed the trash line... even for me!

Mr. Nick and I had a movie play date... to fucking Burlesque! Yep that one with Christina Aguilera and Cher! And just to improve on the trashiness factor... at 10 in the morning!!

I just have one thing to say... Cher's face does not move!!!

I have a kind of love/hate relationship with Cher... I like her in a campy, Gypsy's Tramps and Thieves kind of way... and think it's funny that for such a gay icon she kicked her daughter (now her son) out of home when she came out. But come on folks... the woman's a freak... let me repeat... HER FACE DOES NOT MOVE! and what is with that fucking ... song in the middle with no relevance to anything other than Cher's fucking contract???!!!

But what can you expect when the whole thing was a Xtina showcase (she was an executive producer after all).

It was trying to be a poor mans Chicago (which would have been OK if not for scrawny Renee whatshername) which was trying to be a poor mans Cabaret (Genius!)

But guess what... I paid to see it!! and mind you, it was the perfect play date when you don't get to see many movies... money well spent if only for the chance to pull it apart over lunch after!!!

But too much Ive wasted too much space on this movie length MTV clip which is showing more the trashy Pussycat doll style of Burlesque when I would much much much prefer to promote the old school "All Tease No Sleaze" style of those such as Hi Ball Burlesque featuring the fabulous Anna Go Go AKA Minister Anna






















Check her out in action here... not only can she twirl the tassels on the top... but check out that bottom action... now that's luscious!



And Honey... there's plenty more where that came from!!!

Pink bits!

Today was the first time I saw Pinks new video for Fuckin' Perfect. I love Pink, I think she has a great message, be yourself, you don't have to act like a slut and you can be sexy and intelligent at the same time. Highlights include at the end of the Stupid Girls film clip when the little girl picks the sports equipment and educational toys over the girly stuff, her song Don't let me get me and the lyric "all my underdogs" in Raise your glass (even though I couldn't figure out if it was Artichokes or Isotopes for a while there!)

This clip really moved me, I found myself in tears by the end and that's saying something given that I'm not even pre-menstral.

It made me so glad that I have daughters. I always though I would have one boy and that would be it, then I end up with two girls! I makes me think of something that JA said to me a while back about how she was glad that I had a daughter that I could pass my coolness onto. I hope so. I hope I can bring them up to be strong enough to be who they are, not to feel they need to conform to any kind of mould society may throw at them.

It also made me think of something else that moved me recently. I saw some pictures on facebook of the the girl who was the most pretty and popular girl at my school, she was one year below me and she was an absolute Barbie doll... she was 'Perfect'. She looks hideous now, she's had problems with drugs and she looks totally rexy, maybe feeling the pressure to still remain that perfect person? I don't know if she's ever left the ol' home town? I don't really know that much about her to be honest. It made me happy for a few seconds, but then it just made me really really sad.

This I want to say to the world... Girls... HIGH SCHOOL DOES NOT MATTER! It's only a few years and you can survive it! The most beautiful people in high school, well that's their peak... how sad is that!

New Friends....

I met up with the lovely Julie Mac the other day, Author of RAGE:A sharpies journal, we're doing an event at the Altona North Library on the 16th March... That makes it Hot Rods, Prostitutes, Chocolate, The Occult (Zodiac) and now, Sharpies... Not a bad collection of Library events! Kind of reminds me of the time I stayed in a christian youth hostel in Amsterdam and the sign on the door said;

No Alcohol
No Drugs
No Pornography
No Occult Materials

Well I had two out of the four in my bag when I arrived and It was certainly no stretch for me to find the other two!!

Anyways back to Julie Mac... It was nice to meet someone who, not only had I been corresponding with for a little while, but who you really feel a connection too, not to get too creepy but she felt it too! We've got a lot in common, and the things she mentioned are actually things that, although having known people into the same sort of thing, have never really had friends that I have shared those things with... sorry to sound all cryptic but I know what I mean!!!

So there you go, I've made myself a new friend. I don't think I've made a new one of those for at least 18 months! Go me!!

Oh and don't forget to come to the library on the 16th March!

And while your at it... check out this promo for her book...

You know that space I wanted...

The boy is full of surprises... The boy who, when he's got a day on his own with the kids wont even leave the house has taken them down the beach for the weekend, a full 48 hours without me!

Bliss!!!

Mind you he's going down to stay at his mum's (mega) camp, so she's gonna be there the whole time too, but it's still a massive thing for him to do. He might get a taste of what it's like being with them constantly and having to be fully responsible and watch their every move when not in the home environment. It's going to do him the world of good. And even though he will never admit it's hard work and he will be all like "I don't know what your talking about, it's easy", secretly I will know (and his mum will tell me too!!)

As for me, well they just left, it's 3.30 pm and I've just poured myself a glass of cheap wine, have the Ice cream chilling in the freezer and the music turned up loud. I'm working both days of the weekend, but it's just so nice to have my own SPACE!!!

Little sluts...

Now I'm certainly not saying I'm a perfect mum, in fact I'm the first to admit a) I'm not and b) there is no such thing. And yes I know that everyone is entitled to bring their kids up however they want and it's really none of my business and I really should keep my mouth shut... But here I go anyway!

I HATE it when people dress their kids up like little sluts... I know it's everywhere but what has got me riled up about it this time is a photo I saw on a facebook acquaintance's profile of her 5 year old daughter... I realise I am treading a fine line here as I am not shy about putting things out there and she may possibly see this but then again, if she was actually a good friend then I would probably feel the need to say this to her face so here goes...

She was dressed in a bikini with full make up on and posing with her chest sticking out and, frankly it looked almost kiddie pornographic. Then there was some comment by the mum about how she is 5 going on 15... well I have to tell you, Kids don't dress themselves, they may pick out their own clothes but someone has bought that for them! Then there's the make up... the kids certainly didn't do that herself by getting into mum's make up bag... Then you wonder why she's 5 going on 15 love!

There was also a photo of said kid surrounded by her Christmas presents this year... and I mean it when I say surrounded. I have another person in my life with a similar indulgent attitude to their child... I find it scary, this other persons kid only just turned 1 and has more than both my kids combined and then some. And all the toys are noisy and sing songs and have bells and whistles (that would ring and blow themselves... god forbid the kid would have to use its imagination!) I suspect these people maybe didn't have the greatest upbringing themselves and I acknowledge that it's wrong of me to judge... but I am! And I will! And my kids will get their Op Shop Bead frames and their craft supplies and their "no presents please" little birthday parties and their unisex jeans and Tshirts (and milkshakes instead of Bubba-chinos... but I've already gone there!!!) and then complain about their underprivileged upbringing and how come such and such got everything and I didn't...

I fully admit I am being judgmental, but it's all about believing in yourself and the way you choose to live your life. These people probably have similar rants to make about me and the way I bring up my kids too (I probably let them watch too much TV or let them use the computer too much... there's always something!!) Everyone to their own opinion... But mine is right... For ME!!!

(One of my...) Past Lives

I Just listed my enlarger for sale on Ebay. I have been meaning to sell it for a couple of years, I haven't used it for at least 5 years, But it was still a really hard thing to do. I guess it's a real acknowledgement that that part of my life is truly over which brings up all sorts of emotions.

Sadness - That the first thing I ever really felt good at is not such a big part of my life anymore.

Bitterness - That I never really took it as far as I could go with it, you see I was on the verge of the digital age and I just never really made the changeover which rendered me virtually useless for any kind of commercial work.

Guilt - That I spent all this time and money what with three years at uni and all that and never did all that much with it.

A bit stupid - because I was young and arrogant and gonna do all this stuff and be a rich and famous Rock and Roll photographer!

Embarrassment - when ever anyone asks me if I'm still doing any photography and I have to admit all I do is take a few happy snaps on the Instamatic.

But also...

Kind of proud of some of the things I did do with it.

I put on this exhibition at the Malthouse in Melbourne then at Saffs Cafe in Castlemaine. I funded the whole thing myself and although I didn't actually sell anything (I did give a lot of them away though) I had heaps and heaps of positive feedback and it was kind a really cool final bow to my photography career!

There was also a few other uni exhibitions, this was from the catalogue of one...

This one was published in a magazine called "Works on Paper" but I cant remember what the details were surrounding it...

I contributed a lot to the youth magazine VoiceWorks, here's one of them...

This one also made into VW but they only print in black and white so it lost a fair bit in the translation, here's the original...

I cant remember what this one was published in but its one of my favourites (even if I'm not friends with the Girl in the Supermarket anymore!)...

These next few were in a short lived magazine called "Witchcraft" which brings up another of my past lives (later OK!)...

And this is one of the ones I'm most proud of, It was in BLUE magazine which was the queer spin off of Black&White magazine...

Last but not least, I had this one made into a postcard which I used instead of a business card, Ive still got about 500 of them if anyone wants one!!!

So there you go, here spells the end of an Era that probably really ended about 10 years ago anyway... hope you've enjoyed my dip into one of my past lives!

Love this Journal I saw at TYPO today...

Space... the final frontier...

I think what I am literally needing in my life is Virginia Woolfe's metaphorical Room of one's own... (or am I metaphorically craving the literal, not really sure anymore!)

I just don't get a lot of space anymore!

One of my happiest living spaces was my little flat overlooking Princess Park in North Carlton, it's the only time I've really lived on my own and I loved it!

Now I share a bedroom, I used to have the spare room where MY bed is to escape to when I needed a little space or couldn't sleep, now that Bubbaista's room (note to any overnight guests, your very welcome as long as you don't mind a roommate!), we have a study, which I thought I could have made mine is taken over by the boys ever expanding collection of hunting and camping equipment which cant possibly live in the shed! And anyone who has little kids will know that you cant even pop into the toilet for a little quiet time since little miss grew tall enough to reach the door handles!

And I no longer have nap times to look forward too either!

Maybe it's just this week because I've been sick and so going to bed super early I don't get that night time me time (and my pile of DVD's is growing too!).

I know that time flies and it wont be long till I'll be complaining and suffering from empty nest syndrome when my kids wont want to know me, but for now... maybe I'll have one more crack at cleaning the study up and maybe do a tape line down the middle... just half a room will do me!

New Years Resolutions...

Here's my New Years Resolutions...

-Be more organised
-Get a new tattoo
-Eat well and exercise
-Move back to the country
-Get a new job (should be above the previous resolution
-Blog more (please note: it's already the 4th of Jan before I'm even posting my resolutions... not a great start!)

I was reading something recently about someone who felt that whatever you do on New Years Day would set the tone for the year... so it looks like this year will see me;

-grumpy from lack of sleep and a messy house
-doing housework
-getting frustrated with the kiddies and the boy
-grocery shopping
-not winning tatslotto
-watching crappy Hollywood movies

Happy 2011!