From the latest Incite Library Journal...

Derby Librarian #2 (or #3 if you count me!)

Gen Xed

This year has been all about looking back into the past, oh my god that was X amount of years ago, being shocked at how old I am, etc. etc. So whilst on this nostalgia trip I thought I might as well run with it and re-read some of those defining texts of my generation blah blah...  I re-read Generation X by Douglas Coupland recently, and in doing further investigation (because I can't just leave it at that) came across this little gem... The original article titled Generation X that was the basis for the book contract which turned into the book which gave name to my generation... 

White Star...

It's only taken me 18 months, two different leagues and 6 months off in the middle where life got in the way...

New fav website...

ROOKIE.

Someone buy me the book PLEASE!!

Escape to the country

By the time you see this we will (hopefully) have settled on our new house right out in the bush almost out in the middle of nowhere and I can't wait! I am so glad to have gotten out of the hellhole suburb, it really was a case of waking up one morning with a "how the hell did we get here?" realisation, but I am not focusing on the past, only the future!
I can't wait to wake up in the morning to THAT view and have my friends come stay at the 'Area 51' campground and really just surround myself with positiveness, fresh air and light... what a frickin' Hippie!

I went to the launch of the new Vali book at Outre Gallery on Friday. I went even though I knew I would hate being there. I mean, I love Outre and, well hopefully everyone knows how i feel about Vali! But that's just it, I hate that the place is crowded with wannabes, when I actually KNEW her, but that is just so selfish of me I know. I should be sharing her with the world. And there are so many more people who I would love to meet or have met and haven't and does that make it wrong for me to want to celebrate them. I'm being such a horrible bitch about this. I should be so glad that someone has published another book about my absolute hero, even though I couldn't pick up my copy I pre-ordered grrrr. And sharing her legacy. Or maybe I'm just jealous because I sent them some of my photo's which (I don't think anyways) they didn't use, and BUST magazine never did publish that article I wrote and maybe I should just shut up and look at this wonderful picture of vali by Angelique Houtkamp (who I also love but SHOCK HORROR have never met!!)

Friends...

I mentioned my friend D in my last post.
D and I have known each other since primary school, and in the last couple of years of high school were part of the same wider friendship group. He was someone I always felt intimidated around. One of those uber-intelligent people, and I was sure he thought of me as the dumb blonde. It wasn't until I went to stay with him in Japan that I really got to know him, and found out we had so much more in common than what I ever thought possible.
He was there on his own at the time while his (then) wife was back in Oz finishing off some study.
No it was NOT like that thank you very much!
But I do think he really enjoyed having some company and I really enjoyed the free accommodation and was not expecting that I would find a close friend out of it. I had such a great time with him in a country that I had never thought to visit other than the opportunity presenting itself (I will never pass up free accommodation!)
I went back a few years later as I wanted to visit when his (then) wife was there so we could do all the girly stuff (as much as I love him I cannot imagine ever visiting Onsen with D!).
Then the third time I visited was a classic... I was on my way to the states and in investigating flights, my travel agent, knowing I had friends there, presented me with the option of a 23 hour stopover in Japan with hotel room paid for by the airline. I emailed D & (then) wife and said "just wondering when you are doing on the night of such and such and do you want to take me out to dinner?"
D & I only get to catch up maybe once a year, but I love the idea that someone you've know a long time and have a certain perception of can surprise you. And maybe in turn you can surprise yourself.

My newest friend S is a real inspiration me... I met her through Derby at a time when I was seriously contemplating how much dedication I had to keep on training. She is pushing me to see just how far I can take it, and is number one contender to be my derby wife! We are at about the same level and are forming quite the competitive friendship. We are about the only two who are ready to take the next step (mind you I have been at this a lot longer than she!) and am starting to feel the frustration at being held back by others... Now that I've made the decision and all!

I was told by a psychic once that I am a very open person and make friends easily. At the time It was certainly not how it felt, but I think that comment made me really take stock of the friendships I have and appreciate them. I've been through some pretty lonely times, (when I could not find a friend...) But I think it just took me a long time to really find the people I fitted in with... Now I have them in abundance!

You've come a long way baby...

This year has been weird.
There has been a lot of past stuff churned up for me. It's not just being back in the ol' home town, but being back at the ol' first uni, which has taken me back to thinking a lot about the person I was then and the person I was with then, who also happens to be back in town (see below) and who I have still have old issues with.

I happened to run into him the other day.
It was a good thing.
It was going to have to happen eventually.
I was looking hot.
He was looking old and pathetic.

Then this week I caught up with an old friend, D. My friendship with D is a strange one, but also a reminder of how your impressions of someone can change dramatically given the chance. It's also reminder of how far removed I am from the person I, and others, thought I was back then. We got talking about said previous individual with whom this person also has interesting history.
Suffice to say its all been very cathartic.
Headache inducing, but cathartic.

This person still haunts me.
Maybe he always will.
Maybe I need that as the reminder that I will never be that person ever again.
Maybe I needed that then to move me from the person I was then to the person I was to become.
Maybe I just need to get over it.
Maybe I need to forgive myself.
Maybe he's just a dickhead...

Tonight I went on a walk on my dinner break. I decided to go past some of my old haunts around the campus and revise a few memories. I had not so many memories as realisations of how long ago that was and how much has happened to me, not just in the 15 years since I was last here in my former life, but in the 6 or so months I've been back.

I needed that.
I felt like a grown up for the first time in a while.

I've been a long time gone now...

My blogger guilt is kicking in...
No excuses really, yeah I've been busy, but not THAT busy!
I guess I just haven't felt the need, or maybe I'm just feeling kind of sort of well, happy and contented and my ranty pants haven't felt the need to come out of the closet.
Hey I'm still around... drop me a line sometime!

It's amazing what you can dig up...



My mum has been bugging me FOREVER to clean out my cupboards at "home". Finally got around to doing (some) of it and dug up these little gems...

For my 3rd year Photojournalism folio presentation I had organised to display my Self Portrait images in the University Library, the very same one I now work in. As I went on student exchange before the year was over I had to arrange it all beforehand and have it hung on my behalf. A friend took these shots for me to show me how it looked.

I hadn't quite but had pretty much forgotten about it.

 



Latest experimental knitting project...

Just wanted to see how it would go if I alternated between my smallest and largest knitting needles. I'm not really excited by the colours and might do one for myself with just some nice fine Black and White yarn. This scarf is K/P 8 of each colour with a random amount of rown on the Small/Large needles with one row inbetween with the medium just to make it easier.

Reading related Knit Graffiti at Castlemaine Library...

Library Fine...

I just checked the TwoEvils register of official Derby names and I'm finally on there! So I can announce it to the wold now coz it's mine... all mine and nobody can steal it (insert evil (twin evil) laugh here...) Just in time for me to join a new derby league too after too long of a hiatus... watch out Dragon City... Library Fine is a comin' your way!

Exxy...

My ex boyfriend is back in town. This is bringing up all sorts of yucky feelings I don't want to have to deal with right now. I haven't run into him yet though the Boy and Little Miss have. It's put me on high alert every time I leave the house... Guess I just have to make sure I'm looking fabulous at all times!! Mind you last time I ran into him I literally RAN into him with an armful of books and nearly dropped them so anything is going to be more graceful than that. And a few years ago I saw his Mum in the local library and I literally hid behind the shelves. So you can see how very mature I am about such circumstances... No wonder I've got a headache!

Ah memories...

The lovely Mr. G. put together these little clips for Hobsons Bay Libraries... Ah memories... Though it doesnt do much for the idea people have of librarians just sitting around lookinga at books all day!

Reading Tree

LaTrobe University Bendigo's Heyward Library is celebrating the National Year of Reading with, among other things, a Reading Tree... Grab a leaf and write a favourite title... you might even get yourself a lolly!

You know you've made it when your name appears in Wikipedia

Stupid (depending upon who is judging) Obsessions...

I do go and get myself all obsessive about things, like particular authors.
Like Lisa Carver.
Or Lisa Crystal Carver.
Like when I see a book I want to read.
Then another one.
But I can't seem to find them anywhere.
And I'm embarrased about how many Interlibrary loans/document deliveries (depending upon which library world you live in).
So you go searching.
Then you find that you've read one years ago.
So you think about your frind Nettie who you've lost touch with.
Then you get more obsessive about it.
Then you find that you can buy them directly from the author so you do.
But you hope you get to the Post Office first because you shouldnt be buying any more books because your trying to save and YOU WORK IN A LIBRARY!
But you buy them anyway and you can t wait to read them.
Like I cant wait to read these...

 

Jealous much...

A guy I used to work with just had his novel published. I feel a strange sense of jealousy. It's not that I feel I should have a novel published. I don't even like reading novels that much, let alone have any desire to write one. And it's not that I don't think this guy is deserving of literary success, from what I can tell he's worked damn hard on his literary career in the approx. 8 years since I worked with him. I think it's that this guy was goddamn dodgy... He was pretty open about his cheating on his girlfriend (with us anyway, definitely not with her!), the obvious pash rash on female work colleagues and calling in sick to me and telling me that "he was still drunk"... The guy even writes under his new name... nah well. At least it's got me back on here thinking maybe I should do some more writing...

Ms G does C

Here's another tasty morsel I discovered on a lazy afternoon in front of Youtube...

Love you Professor Greer

Miss Concept (ions)

Naomi Wolf's Misconceptions was beyond a doubt the best book I have read about Pregnancy, Childbirth and Motherhood. It's personal and political and spoke to me about exactly how I was feeling, making me feel not so alone, guilty or wrong for the mixed feelings I was going through. One of the things that bothered me most at that time was that no matter how equal you thought your relationship had been before, when the baby comes along that the stereotypical gender roles come to the forefront. I've ranted about all this before... even sung the praises of this book way back in (gosh so long ago) 2008, but in this interview she talks about another one of the things I related to about a woman coming home from major surgery after a Cesarean, its like sending a person who has just had major heart surgery home with this tiny dependent creature pretty much reliant on you. Even if you didn't have a Caesar, it's still a pretty massive physical thing your body has had to go through and women are so hard on themselves feeling they have to still be the be all end all to their families.

"That's not how it works, you have to move here on faith, then you'll find a way" - Beverly Donofrio's friend in Looking for Mary.

I'd been trying to track down this book for years, I loved her Riding in cars with boys (though ashamed to admit I didn't know about it until the movie came out) and I'd seen it on the shelf in my book slave days and then suddenly it disappeared into thin air ...spooky!... anyways, good old Document Delivery service at the uni (bet they wish they hadn't have taught me how to use that!) and there it was for me. It was OK, journey of self discovery, blah blah. Then  on about the second or last page when I was just trying to finish the book (I always get a bit frustrated when I see the end in sight and   just   want   to   get   the   book   finished!) when that line just blew me away. It just perfectly summed up the last 6 months of my life!

Yay me!!

Societies conventions...

I am watching with some amusement the amount of people enquiring as to where my House Husband is working or what he is 'doing' now he has moved. I am yet to have anyone ask me, which is a bummer in itself because I am pretty goddamn proud of the job I've managed to get myself. People just don't seem to get that I am working and supporting the family and he is staying home, cooking, cleaning, getting the kids sorted etc. etc. One (quite old fashioned I will point out) mother of an old school friend even asked him "oh but you are looking arn't you?", she just couldn't fathom it. I bet he's even getting a few Synonyms of "Lazy" or "Useless" behind his back, yet no one would question if it were me staying at home eating bonbons on the couch in front of Days of our lives. It would be all these same people (if there are any, and yes I do have a few in mind) who are blubbering in there old age about not having spent enough time with their kids when they were little... Blah Blah Rant Rant...

Rats...

I made the mistake this week of reading two books too similar in their content so now they are just kind of swimming around blended together. They were both good books, just not so close together.

Lets review to get this straight in my head;

Rat Girl

Kristen Hersh

Set in the 80's

Founder and main songwriter for mostly girl band Throwing Muses

Bipolar & Pregnant

Likes Rats

Petal Pusher

Laurie Lindeen

Set in the 90's

Founder and main songwriter for all girl band Zuzu's Petals

MS

Hates Rats

Whore Moans too... revenge of the womb

my period was three weeks late... I was was so scared I was pregnant, mostly because I didn't want to be pregnant but also because I have an IUD and that can cause all sorts of other issues, high chances of miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy and the like. Trying to decide if I would go through with an abortion, I've never been in the position where I have had to seriously think about it and figured it was a punk rock right of passage that would give me plenty to write and torture myself about, I even started doing my research on where and how etc. I still haven't had the official 'no' from the doc who was to call me if the blood tests came back + but he didn't. And I went for an ultrasound today because both me and the doc agreed that even if I wasn't I wanted to find out what the hell was going on given that the only time I've ever been even a week late was when I was going through a super stressed time, or well, pregnant. And I haven't been stressed, if anything I've been the happiest I've felt in years! So the sonographer didn't give me any hints, but Aunt Erma did decide to show her face today anyway (probably that condom covered camera on a stick shoved up my twat was what did it!) but she isn't her usual self. I'm almost hoping that I'm going through an early menopause, no seriously, it's not that out of the question, my mum was only 43 and I wouldn't mind so much, I mean think about it... no more periods and no more having to spend a FORTUNE on sanitary products!!! Of course this has also given me plenty of material for practicing on the medical databases textbooks and learning new big words like amenorrhea, dysmenorrhea, hyperthyroidism and premature ovarian failure and of cause hypochondria! But no, hang on a minute... I know my body and I know something is not right here! And I want someone to finally take this seriously... Back to the docs next week to get the diagnosis... whats a bet he says he can't find anything!!!

Gimme Gimme Gimme!

HOT ROD SHOES!

Meltdown memories...

18 months a go I went through a really bad patch, meltdown for want of a better word (no better word really, that's what it feels like!) This happened on a semi-regular basis, every couple of years or so. I know exactly what triggered that particular episode and It was semi-documented in these fine pages? screens? what adjective suits here??
Anyways, the meltdown was caused by a job non-offer (un-interview even) which I had set my sights so high on and thought was my be all end all position and the only way things were going to work out as I felt they needed to. At the time it seriously felt like the end of the world, and it used to piss me off so much when people would say "there is something better out there for you". I hated it because I couldn't see that, and now I hate it more because they were right. Knowing what I know now I know that that job would have been a bad thing for me. Just the physical and emotional reaction it caused in me is enough to know that I was not ready and seeing what I have since seen, well I know that it would have been very bad place for me. I am able to reflect on this time from a position of smugness and satisfaction of where I have found myself and how I got here.
That'll do for now...

McCindy

How excited was I that one of my favourite photographic artists Cindy Sherman has collaborated with my equal favourite make up line (not that I wear that much...) MAC. I love the types of celebrities they use to endorse their products, Elton John, PuPaul, Lady Gaga, Cyndi Lauper et.al. I love that they have a sense of humour and dont take themselves too seriously, but I hate that it's hideously expensive!!!

Whore-moans

My fucking hormones just won't let up! I feel like I've tried everything short of a complete hysterectomy (which is what the boy seems to think is the solution to EVERYTHING! Hmmm Freudian or what!!) I've tried herbs, injections, implants, the pill, the mini pill and everything seems to either make things worse, to the extent that I feel like I'm slipping into an early menopause (which to be honest would feel like a relief!) or has no effect whatsoever. Its gotten so bad recently that I feel like a 'Raggy Bitch' (the boy, 2004-) at least 2 weeks out of the month, and can pinpoint the PMT onslaught by pain so intense I can pretty much tell which side I am ovulating from and without fail, check the period tracker on my phone which will say "12 days to go" given that it seems to come at least two days early each month and lasts at least until 3-4 days into my period, Somebody ain't a happy camper... at least 1/2 the time anyway!

Riot Grrrl goes Academic...

Best bit about working in an academic library? Access to a whole bunch of new books... Not only through my own uni but also through the Bonus+ affiliates.
I've been, once again immersing myself into the world of Riot Grrrl with...



and...



And today picked up these tastly morsels with which to keep myself out of trouble and strife...

Sneak Preview...

Its funny how moving 'onward and upward' has also brought back so many past memories it aint funny, good ones though, making me see and feel how far i've really come. So thats what my new zines getting at, my journey here juxtaposed with images that take me right back here!!

Oh so many shades of wrong!

My new job see's me buying items for the Health Sciences faculty which brings me into contact with catalogues for midwifery teaching tools... a few of which I just had to share...

Strap on belly with insertable weights to replicate different stages of pregnancy...



Fetus doll with placenta...

And my absolute favourite, the breastfeeding handpuppet with bonus breast!...

Anyone wanna buy a house?

http://www.realestate.com.au/property-house-vic-hoppers+crossing-109775246

Recent net rantings from the 'Hot' Rod...

You know you've made it when you make it to the Herald Sun... she says all tongue in cheek like.

Click here to see a video of my Oi my Papa... but it's the comments I enjoy the most!

This is a recent (hey only 3 months old... theats a recent post for me!) addition to Youtube... enjoy!

Go'in Gaga

I’ve got myself a surprising new obsession... One Miss Lady GaGa. Now know I’m showing how behind I am in the world of Popular culture here, I should have known this years ago, and It’s not that she was completely off my radar, I had most of her hits on my Ipod and had looked upon her costumes with vague interest. But the other night I watched the Monster Ball Live at Madison Square Garden’s Concert on DVD. I started to watch with scepticism and thought it might provide a laugh or two and a distraction while doing the dishes. And at the start of the show was not even entirely convinced that she did actually exist as a person or was just a series of skinny chicks writhing to a backing tape. But much to my surprise, I found myself not only enjoying the show, but gaining a whole new respect for someone that I really hadn’t thought too much about. So now my life is full of Gaga Internet searching, Gaga book borrowing and just general Gaga!!

New New Beginnings... Again

Tomorrow I start a new job that feels oh so right, unlike where I have been working lately which has felt oh so wrong. I learned a long time ago to listen to my gut instinct and this rule has served me well so far... let’s hope it continues.

I think in the process I may have upset a very powerful person. A person I have only met once and who scared the shit out of me! Now I am not easily intimidated so this tells you something!!

But this is someone who has known of my existence for at least 18 months and so far has given me so little time of day yet and is now upset about me leaving after only a few weeks (even though she could offer me no more than a few hours a week) And now others, who have only known of my existence for a few weeks, are prepared to offer me so much more. Feels good and not a hard choice I can tell you!

And a nice little stick it up ya as well!

Full Circle...

So it seems life may have come full circle.

Oh yeah and sorry about the absence, I've been busy trying to get my hormones to behave, sleep and getting myself stressed out about unimportant things such as family, home and work... You know how it is!

Anyways, where was I? Oh Yeah, the circle...

So I went to uni first time round, and I've written about this before, mostly out of fear and expectation. It was the early to mid nineties, the recession we had to have, the "If you don't go to uni you'll never get a job"/"if you take some time off between uni you'll never go back" era. I went to the uni I went to because I got in there in a last minute scramble for student numbers and I stayed because I was there and I always felt like I was missing out on something or that somehow I just wasn't sure why I was where I was. Anyways, I'm rambling...

It was a country uni close to where I grew up and basically I really just wanted to get to the city.

But yesterday I was offered a job at the library of said country/first uni. And I'm pretty goddamn excited about it for many reasons.

The 1st being that some of my life "choices" are starting to make sense to me.

The 2nd because I can tell another workplace to shove it, well sort of, I want to stay on good terms but given that I'd been trying to get in there for about 2 years and all they are prepared to offer me is band 3 casual and well, um, stick it up ya!

3rd, this is yet another fated kind of "perfect timing" situation that I have found myself in many times in my life. sorry to get all spiritual and airy fairy on you, but this is not the first time that my forthright nature, as well as said good timing have got me somewhere!

I'm not sure how its going to go, I've never worked in an academic library and I might hate it, they might not want to keep me on, but right now it feels like things are falling into place and my life is actually starting to make sense to me... its only taken 36 years!

This weeks reading...

Happy National Year of Reading!

Sorry it's a day late, but I started the year off grumpy... (but reading!!)



This weeks reading...