Battle of the planets...

This was my favourite show as a kid! (I always thought it was called Gforce which could have been my memory or could have been just a different name it was televised under here.)


I so wanted to be princess... she rode a motorcycle and kicked arse! Now where are the role models like that for little girls these days hey!! (of course it may have actually been inappropriately violent too... but I've turned out OK... haven't I?!)

Sharpies...

Just finished Rage: a sharpies journal by Julie Mac, Twas alright, but you know me, would prefer it was written as a memoir. I wonder why she decided to fictionalise her teen years? (she says that all the names and people are the same), maybe so she's got an escape clause or coz of all the illegal stuff they did! It's worth a read though if you've got a soft spot for the odd counter culture and always wanted to be part of a gang but never got the chance... The diary style kind of works too because although it can get to be a little tedious at times, well so can being a teenager and this book captures that mood nicely. I'm hoping I can get her to come speak at the library!!

P.S. Love the back cover quote; "it was a time when fighting, spewing, pashing, rooting, dodging the cops and stooging the ticket inspectors were all in a nights work..."

And while we're on the subject... or if you think I'm talking about texta's, enjoy this 1974 short film by Greg McAinish (Skyhooks.)

And here's another one from 2003 which I saw at ACMI a while back called Suburban Warriors by Rebecca McLean.

The Blackburn South Sharpes even have their own website... does anyone want to buy me one of their T shirts or Conny's for Christmas???

Tis the season...

I think one of the things that really shits me about Christmas is just the mass expectation! I've never been a big fan but I'm starting to come round a little bit these days, maybe I'm just getting a bit soppy in my old age, or maybe having kids kind of makes it fun again... Or it could be that the year slips by so quickly at the moment and I am missing people birthdays left right and centre that I am starting to make a bigger deal out of Christmas.

But I am trying to make it a little more personal, making gifts and the like... Like these!

I got the Idea from the fabulous BUST magazine. and its so easy! A 1 Litre Jar, 1 1/3 cup of SR Flour, 1/2 cup brown sugar, 1/2 cup white sugar, 1 cup choc bits and 1 and a bit cups rolled oats (fill to the top of the jar) and download the instructions here...

Foxy lady...

I made it into the wonderful Outre Gallery today for the final day of the exhibition celebrating the work and life of my favourite artist and one of my all time favourite people, Vali Myers. I chose not to got to the opening, too many hangers on and wannabes... I knew her well, but have many regrets that I didn't hang out with her more and passed up an offer to visit her valley in Italy. I got very emotional today, seeing her journals and jewellery on display and not on her. But it is lovely to see her recognised and the gallery is planning to bring out another book on her life next year so I cant wait!

It's been way too long...

Well hey there, it's been a while!

Sorry about that, my brain, confidence and, hmmm, everyday functioning went into lock down mode for a while there... but I'm back and I'm feeling good, well most of the time and I guess that's all you can ask!!!

So lets see... what have I been doing (apart from having a meltdown and losing all perspective!!!)

Reading... Lots of "sequels" or follow-ups to thoroughly enjoyed books; Cleaving by Julie Powell, Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert, Booky wook 2 by Russell Brand and at the moment The Romantic by Kate Holden, which I am enjoying despite how clingy, insecure and needy she seems to be, but then I have also been a solo traveller in a strange land and understand the issues this can arouse (I just didn't have her talent for picking up guys I guess!!!).

Have also read some crap books (At home with the Templetons by Monica McInerny, I knew it wasn't going to be my thing when I read the words "family saga" on the back! But then again I only really read it because of the connection to the ol' home town (see previous post)). Then there was the self-published one that I bought off an acquaintance because I believe in supporting people in their artistic pursuits but, oh my god it was so self indulgent with sooo many mistakes and bad grammar and maybe I am not one to talk and maybe its just some cool writing technique like some sort of beat poet type thing and maybe I'm just not smart and cool enough to get and maybe... maybe its just bad... so no names mentioned there OK!

And then there was one BRILLIANT one! Armstead Maupin's Mary Anne in Autumn which I devoured in, I want to say one day but it was more like 26 hours!!! he did not disappoint, well no he did, because it had to finish!

Ive also seen some movies; Joan Rivers: a piece of work (best joke; on (whether men go for brains or beauty) "well I never heard of a man putting his hand up a girls skirt looking for a library card"!), Get him to the Greek (soooo much better than Forgetting Sarah Marshall though it did get a little tired by the end), The No. 1 ladies detective agency (well a T.V. Show I know but still great), Kick Ass (would have been crap if it wern't for Hit Girl, who can resist an 11 year old crime-fighting chick calling everyone 'motherfuckers' and 'cunts'), Eat, Pray, Love (Cheesy I know, but had to be done, and thoroughly enjoyable except for the fact that they do, literally ride off into the sunset!!!)

Sucked up to the lady who got my dream job (was thinking we would go for a coffee, come out of it best friends with her begging to be my mentor, instead, sat in the workroom chatting for 20 minutes with her promising to keep me in mind...). Worked a week of full time last week (loved it!!! loved being back at the old branch and feeling useful) which was great considering work is about the only place where I actually feel confident and in control at the moment!

And I've been "working on me"... ohhh how tacky does that sound!!! But I have, I've been seeing a psychologist and went back on some medication that I thought I didn't need anymore but turns out actually did help! and just trying to look after myself and stand up for myself more... and take myself out for lunch at The famous blue raincoat which always helps!!!

James Freud died today.

Apparently he killed himself.

I feel so sad.

I always liked him and his music and only recently read both his books back to pack and was so pleased that he had seemed to have gotten himself together.

I feel awful for his wife who had stuck with him forever and seemed to be his rock.

And his kids too.

That's all.

Kitchy-stitches is the Bomb!

I was browsing in the Ol' home town library recently when I came across this gem...

The Museum of kitchy-stitches: a gallery of notorious knits. My favourites included the 'Hamburgered sandwich pillow set', 'The human spirit' and 'I call them underwear'. The book is supposed to 'celebrate' the worst of knits... funny thing was I actually quite liked some of them and was disappointed the patterns were not included !!!

Check it out for yourselves at the stitchymcyarnpants website.

Not that I've been doing much knitting lately, Ive been working on a little stripey bag for way too long. But Yarn Bombing: the art of Crochet and Knit Graffiti may well inspire me to pick up the needles once more.

For those of you not familiar with the concept of Yarn bombing, I've included a few choice examples below... Enjoy!

I wanna go back to San Francisco...

So I can follow the Tales of the City Map on Armistead Maupin's new Website!!!
But instead I'll just have to hold out until Nov. 2nd!

Balancing act

I'm having one of those work/life balance dilemma's

I'm wondering how much I should give up career wise to get my family to where they need to be? There is another job going near where we want to move to but it would be a crap job. Bottom of the rung and I hate to say coz it makes me sound up myself but... very beneath me! BUT if it gets me in there and my family to where we want to go then shouldn't I bite the bullet and just suck it up? But I've worked hard to get where I am and do I really want to take another backwards step? To be honest it feels a bit of an insult and a slap in the face to have to apply for a band 3 position when I am qualified with really great experience. But then maybe I need to get in there so they can see all these things about me? I could hold out for something better, but what if something better dosen't come along?

What to do? What to do?

I mean... I'm not even a frickin' Libran!!!

What you come across when you can't sleep!

I came across this little gem when unable to sleep tonight...

Monica McInerney has a new book out At home with the Templetons and it turns out it's set in the Ol' home town. Watch this clip of her walking around and discussing the town, then at 5min 39seconds in, there's one shot that's a little close to home!

Recent reads...

A book has to be pretty bad for me to not finish it, or really long and I put it down thinking I will get back to it but it sits there for a year or I write down the page number and take it back to the library and then lose the bit of paper and never re-borrow the book...

Bill Bryson's At Home is probably going to join that category. I don't want to, it's not a bad book. And I generally enjoy his writing. The thing is it's kind of interesting but very, very long. It's about the finer history of everyday mundane things, and quite frankly there is a reason things are mundane... um, because they are! And besides, I don't see what the history of mice and other vermin has to do with the study and and the history of architecture to do with cellars and I think he's clutching at straws at times... Think I'm gonna have to give it up.

I've already read one book in between, Russell Brand's My Booky Wook. It's kind of funny, and very repulsive and I really just feel very sorry for him and hope that he has managed to stay sober and drug free since because he was was not an appealing person when on them (he's that appealing now either!). Not that I've actually seen much of his "work", more just know him by reputation and coz he's engaged to a perky songstress (me thinks publicity stunt for the both of them, but, whatever!). There are a lot of uncomfortable moments in the book, events that were obviously quite scarring but he glosses over with humour which I found quite sad. And besides, its not all that well written either.

After another chapter and a half of At Home I started Eat, Pray, Love. (It's not looking good for Mr. Bryson is it!) I want to avoid overly popular books, especially ones that appeal to women of a certain age, but the fact is there usually a reason why they are so popular and I want to stay in front of the film for once so I can be all superior and say"well it wasn't as good as the book..." Ive only go a few pages in but I like it, I like her casual style of writing and I also love it when women can admit that they just don't want to have children because its such a high expectation of society, even these days of apparent endless choices for women it's still a hard thing for a lot of women to admit, and is often viewed with either suspicion or sympathy... believe me ladies, this is not something you want to do half heartedly just coz someone thinks you should... and I would love the freedom to be travelling through Italy, India and Bali right now... Bugger, I just get to do it in my head and think about all the things I'm missing out on!

One last thing...

OK so this is the last thing I will say on the matter as I have moved on and gotten over the disappointment... The disappointment about the job and the process involved that is, not the existential crisis the whole thing uncovered!!!)

I mean no disrespect, and I hope that I shall soon meet said woman and maybe even work with her and maybe even become her friend who knows. But I finally understand something about the whole generational divides in the workplace. I believe I might be first hand experiencing contentious issue of the Baby Boomers hanging around forever, not moving on, taking jobs that the good old generation Xer's are just not getting the chance to move into (until we're too old and the gen Y's just get them all handed to them like everything else apparently!).

As I was formulating these opinions in my, somewhat foggy brain of late, there was an article in one of the recent Incite magazines talking about the Baby Boomers and oh my god what are we going to do when they are all gone, blah blah blah. The article was talking about having to attract youngin's to the profession and starting at high school... hello, there are plenty of us young and no-longer-so-young (like me) people here already but it just feels like we are still not trusted!!! I mean I'm 35 years old not and feel like people still don't take me seriously!

My friend C reckons its more to do with the people getting the good, top jobs all being very VERY childless, and maybe that's got something to do with it too. And maybe that's a subconscious Baby Boomer woman trait too, even 30 years ago you either had kids or you didn't, and those women now are either still not sure we can combine the two as they either have no experience of it and are distrustful or bitter that they didn't get to start their careers until middle age and are going to hang onto it for dear life!!!

So anyways I'd like to remind you that the above opinions are totally off the cuff, un-researched, written out of bitterness and in the spirit of general ranting and likely to change tomorrow anyway!!!

Us poor gen Xers can be a bit of a negative lot! We've had a lot to deal with don't you know! We were the first generation brought up expected to live in a world better and have circumstances NOT than their parents grew up with. I also remember when I was at school in the time of the early 90's economic crisis. A time when trades and ACTUAL skills were deemed unimportant and "if you don't go to university you will never get a job" and "if you take a year off you will never go back to uni" and all that crap when probably the best thing I could ever have done would be to take a year off and work some crappy job that I ended up doing after uni anyway because I'd done some useless degree and just felt guilty about the amount of money it cost my parents when If I'd taken a year off I probably would have been able to get Austudy and anyway it wasn't until 10 years later that I figured out what I wanted to do anyways...

Alright so now I'm babbleing and getting all bitter and twisted and stuff so i'll be off! (but it is good to be blogging again!)

This blog aint goin' nowhere...

Seems like this blog, which was supposed to be a bit of fun, has turned into a confessional of sorts... Not really what the intention was. I really wanted to it be a bit of a scrapbook, a few funny stories from the past, fun things I'd read and seen, things on my mind, that type of thing. I wanted it to show a little bit of who I am and how I got here.

Thing is I don't know who that person is now, and I'm not sure where I'm going and I can't seem to let go of the person I thought I should have been 10, 15 even 20 years ago, I cant seem to accept that I've changed and things change and that's OK!

Hang on a minute, I'm doing it again, I'm getting all down and dreary...

Think I may have to take a break for a bit and get my head together and come back to this when I've got some head space and some idea of what I'm doing... sorry folks, back soon!

I'm OK folks...

I've had a few concerned readers of late... Folks, I am really OK!

I've been feeling down, and crazy, and upset, and rejected, and a bit sensitive and vulnerable but OK.

It's just that my head has been so full of fuzz for about the last 6 weeks or so and its only when I'm either really down or really happy I seem to write. I'm having a bit of an existential, whats it all mean, where do I fit in and what should I do crisis at the moment. I know where I want to end up, but there is a lot of work to be done to get there and as you well know plan A was foiled. I have faith in the universe that it will happen eventually, and it will happen when its meant to but unfortunately I am very impatient and always chasing the next thing without concentrating on the here and now.

Plan B...

OK, seems its time to make a plan B...

I had figured out it was coming, the rejection letter that is, but no news being good news allowed me to keep that faint glimmer alive just that little bit. But it came yesterday. And it hurt.

I know it was wrong to pin my hopes on one thing, and to get myself so excited by something so out of my control. The realists in my life kept reminding me of that. And I tried so hard to not think about. And I guess the mental state that this situation got me into is maybe indication that it this job wouldn't have been a good idea. It would probably have been too much pressure. If the application process proved too much for my sometimes fragile emotional state to cope with what would the actual job do to me once I got in there and realised my expectations and reality were not on the same wavelength. I just really thought I was in with a chance there is all. The fact that I am qualified, experienced, full of ideas and have a solid connection to the area. I really thought I had everything they would be looking for.

But to not even get an interview is a pretty big slap in the face if you ask me!

And of course I had told everyone about it too!

I know that it cant have been anything personal if they haven't even met me! But that doesn't help me to not feel even a little bit rejected.

Fact is that work is about the only thing I am feeling any kind of confidence with at the moment. Its only place I feel like I am in control and I know what I'm doing.

I am feeling a little de ja vu here, same thing happened about 7 years ago. A company I'd already worked for, same role that I'd held overseas for said company, figured it was a given, but hey, at least I didn't have to wait four weeks with that one, I got the letter the day after the interview! It sure knocked my confidence for six, but then in the proceeding weeks I got 4 job offers out of 5 interviewed for, and ended up with a job so much better for me.

So I'm OK and at least I know where I stand now, it was the waiting I couldn't handle.

And if my past is any indication, something will come up soon and within 3-6 months I will have already moved a few rungs up the ladder!

To move my family back to the country and a more communal upbringing is what I so desperately want to do right now and I thought this was going to be it, so plan B awaits... stay tuned!

Bored...

I have no shame in saying I am frickin' bored with my life...

As I spoon another mouthful into my child's mouth, I contemplate the tedium and isolation of the parent with young children... You hear about it, but you don't think its gonna happen to you. For some reason you think you will be immune and your experience will be somehow different. You know your supposed to appreciate every waking moment of your little miracles, but as you spoon another mouthful in, you cant help but remember when you had a brain AND had the opportunity to use it, for a time wen you were appreciated for more than providing 3 nutritious meals a day (most of the time) and keeping the floor vacuumed on a semi-regular basis.

And my partner thinks he's got it hard going out to work full time... I am ready to change places with him in a second!

If I have to pick up another toy or wash another dish or do another load of laundry or clean another bench I am gonna snap... not really but it feels like it somedays... and I'm beginning to do all sorts of stupid things and make all sorts of rookie mistakes, like showing up to work on the wrong day (maybe it was wishful thinking!) or the wrong library branch...

This is not me...

Please somebody get me out of this suburban hellhole...

Still waiting on the phone call about the job that could change things forever...

All consuming...

I've been a bit lax on the personal blog posts of late...
I've not been able to concentrate on much really, there is something going on, something potentially life changing, something I've been wanting for a long time and it's just consuming my brain...
It involves a lot of waiting, waiting, waiting...
And that's something I'm not really all that good at...
I feel like I'm not in control of the situation and I find that hard to deal with...
Waiting waiting waiting, trying not to think about it make me think about it more...
I'm sending myself crazy and making myself physically sick...
Having to stop myself from making plans about anything that could be effected by it, because if it happens there will be so many plan to make...
But I have to shield myself as well, from possible disappointment, from getting my hopes up, from getting over confident, I've done that before and it was crushing...
And then there's all those other toxic thoughts that seep in too... "what if they didn't get it", "what if they have already picked someone", "what if I'm not good enough", "what if I stuff it all up", "And what if they didn't get it... again"...
I don't like uncertainty...
I can't handle waiting...

I love books about books...

So you can imagine my excitement on finding a book about making books!

Eco Books is full of totally cute crafty projects, among my favourites are ones made from old baggage tags, old floppy discs and cassettes... and of course old library cards!!!

Totally cute... but of course I know deep down inside I will never get around to making any of them!!!

Books Books Books (x3)

I'm about a 3rd of the way through Judith levines Not Buying it, her documentation of a social experiement where her and her husband bought only necessary, simple groceries and essentials (The rules are a little fluid and haircuts and newspapers are allowed). Not as easy as it sounds with such consumer pressure put upon us everyday, and basically, so much crap considered essential in our everyday lives! I love the line about the guy who went to buy a book about de-cluttering and came away with three!

The Not buying it book was kind of in direct contrast with another book I recently read, Susana S.'s Confessions of a city girl. Which takes an insiders look at London's high pressure, money hungry financial markets, no place for a girl... apparently, until Susana came along that is!

In between I read Juliana Hatfields Autobiographical When I grow up. She seems like a really sweet girl with a lot of deamons to air. It's alternating chapters, between documenting the tour she was on with her band at the time Some Girls and detailing past adventures kept the flow moving and stopped the book from getting stale or too bogged down in any one theme. Funny though, while reading this I realise I only actually know two songs that she's done, and one of those was a cover!

You know what...

I could almost be tempted to read a Mills & Boon!

out of me

I've had Out of me sitting beside my bed for way too many library renewals, I'm not sure if I was avoiding reading it as it might be a little too close to home, but I'm so glad I finally picked it up. Fiona Shaw suffered chronic Post-Natal Depression after the birth of her second child, was hospitalised, had ECT, self-harmed, starved herself but what has come out of it is not only a beautifully well written memoir but also an exploration of autobiographical writing itself.



Now I would never deem to compare myself here, and I don't think I suffered anything more than the mildest of 'Baby blues' but as I have talked about here before, I am still coming to terms with the identity shift that having children brings about. Why only yesterday when I had a rare child-free, work-free day I took myself into the city and for a wander in Fitzroy to remember all that I was missing from my former life, and you know what, yep you guessed it, I'm not actually missing all that much! Apart from the friend I met up with who I hadn't seen in ages, I didn't really want to be there anymore. Typical!



Anyway, back to Ms. Shaw's book. There is one quote that really stood out for me to help explain what I've been feeling; "I, too, was frightened of being left alone in the house with my children. Not because of what I might do to them, or them to me, but because then I could not escape from the knowledge that this was my life now, and there was no getting away from it." (Pg. 187) And I think the thing about this book is it was just so well written, I've read so much lately that is just so badly written, or badly edited and full of mistakes (and it must be bad for the worst of spellers and grammatically
incompetent of petople, i.e. me, to pick up on!)

Best things about the Runaways movie...

• The first shot of the movie is of Menstrual Blood.


• The costumes are Hot Hot HOT!


• KS does an ace job of Joan Jett, I was worried I would be sitting there thinking I am watching the chick from Twilight but it didn't cross my mind once!


• Dakota is equally hot and soooo totally the right choice to really hit home how young Cherie Currie was when wearing that Cherry bomb outfit!


• Dakota and Kristian get it on!!!


• They do such a great job of the singing that they could splice in the real Runaways songs when it used as background music without any disjointedness.


• The colouring of the film totally matches the mid 70's.


• The Cinematography is beautiful


• I got to see it for free!!! (3 weeks ago - just slow on the posting!!!)

Cupcakes a Ga Ga...

Two Funny things that came my way yesterday...

This Blog post on NPR (America's National Public Radio's Monkey See) about how library might be the new cupcakes... I like the bit about libraries get in fights, and libraries give you stuff for free!

And mentioned in this article but came my way via a totally different medium is this clip of the Washington Information Studies Students and Faculty going GaGa!

Zine, Zine, you know what I mean...

We've just got a whole bunch of Zines in the library, trying to be all cool and hip and funky and 'engage' with the teenagers and all that! Ahhh its taking me back to the mid-to-late nineties when DIY publishing involved cut-and-paste and a photocopy card.

I always meant to start my own Zine, just like I'd always meant to start a blog way back when...

And I thought I'd start a revolution...

I just never got around to it!

Yay you Zinesters who actually did it!!!

Wanna know what shits me off more than anything else in the world...

People who steal from the library, I mean, you don't need to steal it...

We let you take it for free!!!!

Super dooper mega whatsit plastic shit bonanzer!!!

I read a lot about the sexualisation of young girls, and lucky (hopefully!) I'm still a couple of years away from that one. But whats really bothering me at the moment, though I guess I've always known it to be there is just the blatant consumerism involved with children, it just seems to be getting so much worse, or maybe I'm noticing it more now.

Case in point 1. A friend of mine posted on her facebook profile something about going around 7 different toy stores trying to find this particular doll that her daughter absolutely HAD to have... This horrified me because her daughter is only a couple of months older than Little Miss, but the thing is that Little Miss wouldn't have a clue what dolls were out there and probably couldn't care less anyways... Now either I've got a frickin' child genius on my hands that knows not to get sucked into this consumer crap (well it's a possibility!)But where the hell do these kids that young find out about them...Too much commercial TV? Too many trips to the toy store? Too many parents instead of saying "Oh yeah she's nice" when looking at the ad/toy catalogue/whatever actively encouraging their kid to want want want... and then having to run around to however many frickin' stores trying to find it.

Case in point 2. My local Target store (I'm sure not just MY local target store!) was opening at One past Midnight for their Mega Fabbo Whatsit Super Dooper Toy Sale the other day... And I bet there were many many parents waiting at 30 seconds to One past midnight waiting for the doors to open... I worked in a Toy store for a while a few years back and I have to tell you, kids are fine, its the parents I cant stand!!! And I tell you what, the experience scared me for life! (but I did love the little kids who came in and counted out their money box coins to buy their carefully selected once a whenever treat! Better than the ones who would say 'just put it on your card mum'!!!) Anyways so I got a bit suckered in and thought maybe to be a good parent I should be taking a look and buying it all now so I can put it all away in the cupboard to forget about so as to buy more in December and get tricked into buying twice as much... So I took a look at the however many many MANY page catalogue of everything my 3 year old needs to feel complete in life and I have to tell you it was all CRAP! I mean Frickin' Masterchef have even got on board with their own line of Frickin' plastic pretend kitchen crap now... Whats wrong with making your kids use their imagination and play with the pots and pans already on hand in the REAL kitchen... Little Miss loves to pretend to do the dishes, well honey that don't need no pretend sink coz we've got a real one! Complete with bubbles too courtesy of the dish washing liquid!

Here's a novel idea folks, say 'NO!' When I take Little Miss to the supermarket and she says 'Look mum, Dora' I just say 'oh yeah isn't that nice' or 'It sure is' or whatever and just keep walking. So anyways, this ranting does have a point. (And more than just a smug point about how much of a superior being I am by depriving my kid which will of course bite me on the arse later!) All this consumer crap comes from the parents, not the kids, but your bringing your kids up to buy into it and measure all that plastic shit to your self worth... just say 'No' and give them a stick and a piece of string to play with!!!

Well that will teach me for procrastinating...

So I had this post planned based around an article I had seen that one of my facebook 'friends' had made some comment about and so I have been spending the last 1/2 hour trawling through vague acquittance's frickin' Farmville/Frontierville/ whatthefuckeverville crap trying to remember who had put in on there and how long ago and now I've got myself all mad and ranty about fricken' Farmville/Frontierville/ whatthefuckeverville crap... I mean the amount of fucking time you spend on that shit you could have planted a real veggie garden complete with chooks and everything!!!

Anyways, so I was supposed to be getting all mad and ranty about this article where someone had written in asking what people with little kids actually do all day and why, when they have a full time job etc. still manage to answer phone calls/emails etc. yet their friends with kids who are just home all day never seem so be able too, and is it just an excuse for laziness blah blah blah...

What these type of people don't seem to realise is the sheer amount of emotional energy that is expended with little tackers in your midst... that and that anytime you pick up the phone/turn on your computer they are nagging you to play on it themselves that sometimes its just not worth the effort... Frankly, I don't know where a lot of my day goes, but it ain't no excuse for being lazy that's for sure. The amount of people who have had kids since Ive had mine who have then apologised to me saying they never realised how hard it was and if they'd have known they would have brought over more casseroles!!! And that's the thing, you never do know until you experience it, no matter how many times people might tell you...

And then you go and think it will be easier the second time around because you've already done it once... Yeah fucking right!

blah blah blah...

So much of my relationship with the boy has been me fighting against it and then me having to eat my words...

First off I thought I was this super independent "don't give me any of that 'when can you fit me into your busy schedule' crap." Then I went off overseas for four months a year into our relationship, and then we moved in together and I was all insistent that everything be split 50/50 even though I was studying that year and had a lot less money coming in and managed to get myself into some major credit card debt over my stupid pigheadedness and then I got pregnant and had a baby which totally shifted all dynamics from which I only now feel like I'm getting a balance on again... What is it about little people coming into your life that make those gender stereotypes you've spent your whole life fighting against come out so strong and your at such a vulnerable point that you let other take advantage of that! And now I'm feeling all depressed that I just found out an ex proposed to his girlfriend and the boy will probably never propose to me because I've said too many times that I don't want to get married and what would I want to go and do a stupid thing like that for and marriage is an institution and I don't want to be institutionalised and blah blah blah... I don't even know If I believe in it or think it should really matter... I guess I'm just feeling a little insecure, which of course if you had've asked me back then would be the only reason anyone would want to get married, but there is this little part of me that would sort of like to have the same last name as my kids, even though I've always said if I got married I wouldn't be changing my name and blah blah blah... Or maybe I'm just getting soft in my old age!

Stupid ex-boyfriends... lucky your the one I got over my hatred of long ago or I would have been really pissed off!

Congratulations by the way!

Future Radio...

The ABC radio book show had an article on Future of Libraries and Librarians the other day... Lots of talk of Stereotypical Librarians!

Big Fat Bitch...

Some favourite paragraphs in The Big Fat Bitch Book for grown-up girls, Kate Figes study of the art Bitching...

"Women can be deeply supportive of one another: but they can also kill each other with words. We understand exactly where the weaknesses of other women lie because all too often we feel weak in those areas ourselves."

(a study found that) "Up to two-thirds of the conversation of both sexes is gossip, with the only real difference being that men like to talk about themselves."

"Girls are expected to be kinder, less aggressive, and more supportive of each other. So girls learn to suppress their crueler tendencies and then let them out in even more lethal ways"

"You get much closer to a person when you share a mutual dislike for another person than you do over someone you both like"

"Some evolutionary biologists believe that the roots of bitching lie, in part, embedded deep within out gender and the reproductive imperative, for bitching is a low risk form of veiled aggression. Teenage girls tend to bitch most about aspects of appearance, sex and sexuality because they matter in the competitive mating game... Research shows that aggression between women becomes more direct and physical as resources get scarcer..."

"Women get just as angry as men and have a great deal more to get angry about but their not supposed to show it. Male aggression is still considered 'natural' and valorised while aggression in women can be considered unnatural, irrational, hormonal and evidence of mental instability."

And Ive only just finished the introduction!

Julie, Julia... and Ravinder!

A movie about food and blogging... how could I resist!

Last time the boy went away I tucked myself up on the couch with Julie & Julia, Oh such a cute film, it made me feel both warm and fuzzy, but also all depressed! It totally contributed to my existential crisis, which seems to be my permanent state of being these days! But hey, that's kind of what the film (and book, I'll get to that shortly!) was all about!

It made me feel that there is no focus or theme to this blog, its just all over the place, random thoughts... but that's me, I've always got a million things going on and cant seem to keep the focus to just one! I try to write about the books that I read, but I only get about 1/2 of them down on... screen! Anyways, Totally watch the film... and here's a little Gem I found on You Tube for you, its called Julia Child Vs Meryl Streep;





So watching the film inspired me to read the book by Julie Powell, It's good but I was a little disappointed, like many Blogs turned book it was a little all over the place, (either try to keep true to the blog or give the whole story an overhaul!) E.G. she was talking at leangth about a certian food (see I've gone and forgotten what it was now... makes my arguments seem VERY well reserched and thought out!) It could have been the Lobster, or maybe the Eggs, I just can't remember! Anyways, then a couple of chapters later she's back to the same food, and it kind of made it all feel a bit disjointed to me. But I don't want to critisise her too much coz I really liked her, I thought she was really sweet and I related to the many hissy fits and meltdowns she endured!!!

So this is one of those cases where I am going to say that I enjoyed the film more than the book (and there are many of these cases out there, no matter what people say! Particuly when it comes to Mr. Steven King... but that's for another post!) But I do often think judgment is clouded by whether you watched the film or read the book first.

Speaking of cooking books, I think I have found my favourite ever! It's called Cook in Boots by Ravinder Bhogal. Not just because she's got a great first name and shes HOT! With chapters titles along the lines of; PMT, Rude food, I heart carbs and Frugal food for when you've spent all your money on shoes, how could I not love it, and I've made two things from it and they were totally yummy and easy to make with no fiddly crap or pretentiousness of many of the cooking books I bring home from the library. (Oh and hey, my birthdays coming up soon, this one and the Cooks Companion and I reckon I'd be set!)





And then there's the one I started last night... We're trying to save a little money at the moment and the library got a new one called Family feasts for under $75 a week. Trouble is it's very American, and I don't mean any offence to my American friends here, but I am going to get all stereotypical on your arse! (that's ass in American!). It's all Hamburgers and Frozen burritos and Pork Chops and Pizza and creamer in your Coffee... It's such a basic book trying to educate about basic Fruit and Vegetables and it's all just such obvious stuff that It's getting me angry and making me feel very superior and snobby all at once!



So the money saving tips that have stood out for me so far are;

Try to drink half as much Cola... OK, done that without moving a muscle (ever tried drinking water!!??)

Try to buy two less packets of chips a month... Yep done that one too (I wouldn't exactly call them an essential item!)

and this one was the clincher;

Use cloth instead of paper dish towels... what? You guys dry your dishes with paper? Man, I'm saving money already and I haven't even changed any of my habits!

Australia has it's first female prime minister!!!!

protection...

Every good librarian knows that books are a precious commodity, and therefor should be treated with the up most respect (except for maybe those pesky Mills & Boons, the bane of a book lovers life!).

It was my friend JA who introduced me to the idea of the book-bag, kind of like a condom for your books when on the go (And one of my rules in life is that you must carry a book with you everywhere you go, because I always get stuck waiting for people!) So I recently knitted myself one;

Its easy, you just knit until your up to the desired width... then keep on knitting till you get to the desired length, then sew up the sides!

I was trying out knitting purple and pink wools at once just to see what would happen, then I felted it because I love felting, and whala! a book bag!

And speaking of Care of books, I've been working in the stacks lately and came across this Gem circa 60's Williamstown. Not such a bad idea to have a little reminder in all of our books the state they sometimes come back in, but the "Notice shall be given to the librarian... if books have been exposed to infection" bit is a bit of a worry!

Hello cruel world...

The thing I cant stand about self help books is that they are usually so fucking hard to read... I mean your picking the thing up because there's something not quite right going on in there, then they are usually so pretentious and full of big words, and just well, overwhelming to read!

My friend JA has told me a few times what an important book she thinks this one is (and I figure on such matters she should know!) and trawling though the introduction, which I'm sorry but really does go on a bit and is kind of a bit all over the place, and at times even a little melodramatic (You don't need to be on the edge of suicide to pick up this book, maybe more 'a little bit down' or a case of the 'mean reds' might be more of an appropriate time to read it!). I was beginning to think this was just another one of those afore mentioned pretentious reads, but then I got to this paragraph;

And what about anger? I think Anger is a whole lot more positive a feeling than depression. I feel a lot healthier when I'm angry than when I'm paralyzed in a deep funk. Other people around me might prefer it when I'm not flying off the handle, but most folks who know me now appreciate that my anger is a step up my own personal ladder to feeling better.

Wow, that really blew me away after the way I had been feeling lately! (not to mention my ranting blog posts!)

The Intro might be a bit of a hard slog, but you don't really need to stress about it too much, the 101 alternatives are kind of cute and endearing (mind you I'm only up to #20, They might get a lot more hot and heavy from here on in!), and some of them might seem deceptively simple but when your in that deep funk it can the little things that get you through. It's kind of like giving yourself permission to be kind to yourself and do what YOU need to do for YOU!

And the good thing about this book in comparison to those other heavy reading self help books is that I reckon in the middle of that deep funk you could just pick up this book and look at 2 or 3 of the "alternatives" and find yourself something that might just make that tiny little difference at that time in your life.

Just one little thing, this book is kind of aimed at Teens (Freaks and other outlaws!) but I'm pretty sure I would have found a lot of it pretty overwhelming at that time in my life, especially a lot of the sexual stuff, not the stuff about Kate herself (I say 'her' only because it says 'her' in the biographical info about her, she describes 'herself' as fluidly sexual, transgressivly sexual or a 'Traveler') But the stuff in part one about desire. But that might be just me! and mind you, its 15-20 years ago that I was a teenager (Scary huh!?)

The other book that made me really happy lately was reading Neon Angel by Cherrie Currie of the Runaways. (When is the film going to be released in Australia!!??) Funny that it made me feel happy, it's actually quite depressing all the bad shit that happened to her, makes me just want to give her, and all the Runaways a big hug and say I'm sorry you were treated like such crap! They were some totally hot chicks, totally exploited but totally Hot!

Cant stay at home cant stay... at work?

Sorry, been listening to a bit of The Runaways lately!

It's tough being a working mum, but I cant handle being a stay at home mum either! I'm doing a temp role at 3 full days a week, it's way too much what with traffic to contend with not to mention two sick kids! How the hell do others do it full time? And you cant win no matter what you do either. I guess all you can do is the best you can for yourself and your family hey! And be careful not to judge others for the choices (and sometimes lack of choices!) they make!

P.S. Feeling a lot better, think a couple of drinks and a lot of laughs last night might have done me the world of good!

I'd like to take a moment to apologise for the last tyraid of, well anger, that flowed from my keyboard earlier today. Not quite sure whats got into me at the moment... but it did actually feel really good to get it out there!

I just feel so discontented with my life at the moment, I feel like I'm stuck in a deep, deep rut and although I can see ways out, it's all a waiting game and I just wish something would hurry up and goddamn happen!!!

And maybe 35 is the new 30, or maybe I'm just 5 years behind the eight ball which wouldn't surprise me, I used to have a pretty good handle on what was going on in the world but feel like it's all passing me by, everything interesting has been and gone and revitalised again before I catch on these days! What I'm trying to say is maybe its the mid-life (third-life?) existential crisis I was supposed to have 5 years ago finally catching up with me.

Or maybe I'm just over the repetitiveness of life as the prefect housewife of the prefect nuclear family in the fucking suburbs!!! I thought I was going to be someone great, someone really special. I thought I'd end up with a guy who worshiped me. I thought I would be someone people admired and looked up too. Now I just feel like the most boring person in the world!

Now all I want is to move back to the country and be a hippie! I want to grow veggies and have chooks, pigs and goats. I want some space and privacy. I don't want to be able to hear my neighbors fighting or hoons screeching round the corner at all hours... I want some peace and quiet!

Problem being that these days we've got all these responsibilities we have to think about. Kids, Mortgages, half finished fucking bathrooms... seems like getting back to the simple life ain't gonna be so simple!

Angry!

I have to say it out loud... I have to say what I'm feeling even if I'm not supposed to... I'm ANGRY and I don't know why!

I don't have anything in my life to be angry about, I have a nice enough home, I'm healthy, my kids are healthy, everyone around me is healthy, I have a great job where I'm treated fairly and with respect, where I get paid an equitable amount. I have great Friends who I love even if I don't get to see as much of them as I'd like. Ive done a lot with my life and haven't ever really wanted for anything. So what the hell have I got to be so angry about.... I wish I knew!

Fucking Hormones!!! I wish I could just get over myself sometimes!

brief encounters with the rich and famous

I once stood behind Geoffrey Rush in the queue for the staff cafeteria at the Arts Centre. I thought to myself, 'only in this country would a best actor Oscar winner at the peak of his career have to queue in the staff cafeteria for this shitty food!'

When I was working at the NGVA shop, I was bending down doing something or other under the counter and when I stood up my colleague said "you just missed Viggo Moretson, I just served him." Pissed off or what, he could have given me a little kick!

Apparently Steven Sylvani was starring at my Butt when I was shelving books but I didn't notice.

I recognised the name "Adam Gilchrist" when serving him, but thought to myself 'that sounds familiar, is he a footballer or something' until all my giggly colleagues set me straight. Cricket huh!? means nothing to me! But I did notice he was a little put out when I asked for his name!

Saw Goldie at Camden markets in London in 1997, my boyfriend at the time pointed him out to me, and I said (a little too loudly) "Who's Goldie?" which was of course overheard by the man himself. we then played a little paparazzi with him and I have a great photo of him just laughing at us. Mind you I still have no idea who Goldie actually is!

I was working as an assistant for a photographer for TV Week for a while which meant a lot of encounters with the cast of Neighbours (Funny coz the first time I went to Britain, upon finding out I was Aussie, everyone would ask "have you been to Ramsay st and have you met anyone from Neighbours" and I would say "Nuh" in a rather patronising tone, second time I went to Britain I had been to Ramsay St and I had met several cast members but never got asked once!!!!) Anyways, the one that stands out for me was walking past Lou Carpenter in the hallway and going to say hi as you do when you see a familiar face but realising I didn't actually know him tried to suppress it and just looked like an idiot. He then made a point of saying hi as I slunk of Red faced.

It happens like that sometimes, you see a familiar face and think you must know then but cant figure out why, like serving a big fat sweaty politician and wondering if he's one of your friends dads who you've only met once or something until he hands over his credit card and you realise he's the deputy prime minister!

But my favourite on was when we had Eric burden from the Animals come to a signing at the Bookshop which shall not be named. I decided to get a copy for my Mum and put a sticky note with "Carol" on the front as is sometimes the done thing at such signings... lets just say he was a little out of it! (see picture above!)

The other Mr. Freud...

The best book I've read of late has been James Freud's I am the voice left from drinking (which I immediately followed up with i am the voice left from Rehab.) It'd been on my list for a little while but it was my friend J's facebook review that finally got me to pick it up. Lets see what J had to say:

"Freud comes off as a charming bastard, like so many junkies, but his tale of mishaps and hits during the eighties is a great story, both touching and hilarious."

The title of course comes from a lyric in Models (Note: not The Models) best song Barbados, (not that stupidly overplayed Out of mind, Out of Sight) and serves as a bit of a prophecy.

He has a lot to say about the lack of support from radio for Australian artists, and he asks the question, why, with triple J being a government funded radio station, why cant it be fully Australian content. It got me thinking, now that would be a radio station I would be loyal too, especially considering I don't have a favourite at the moment. And really, with such a great range of Aussie music going right back JO'K it could be a hit! Now if only I had enough money to start a radio station...

Sexy librarian...

Sexy Librarian